Yeah, uh, so I write fanfics. Shut up. The reason I'm revealing this and plunging my approval rating into the negatives (rather, further into the negatives) is because last week I made fun of the Valiant Nintendo Comics of olde...but I shouldn't. At least not all the time. It's really not easy to create a story where there is none.
Not to say that every creative endeavour should automatically get an A for Effort. The Worlds of Power books based on games like Mega Man 2 could have been a lot less stupid. On the other hand, when your cover art is defaulted to a game's box art (in other words, a flamer in blue spandex), I guess you may as well pound a few and see what you can come up with.
Valiant's Nintendo comics had moments that made my eyes ache, but at the same time it did a couple of things really well. For instance, Samus.
Samus has always been a girl of few words, except in Metroid Fusion when she caught a case of the chatties and wouldn't shut up about her ship, her mechanical love interest and her pet dog, Sparky. She's mostly been silent since, with Nintendo/Retro Studios preferring to leak bits of her past through subtle, adorable means. But at the beginning of time, Valiant had their own take on the female bounty hunter: brash, violent, cocky and greedy. And it was pretty cool.
Valiant's Samus wanted two things: money, and the chance to tap Captain N's white ass. The latter desire put her at odds often with Videoland's Princess Lana; they scrapped on occasion with Samus usually coming out on top (oh my) but more often they had to work together to foil whatever scheme of the week Mother Brain cooked up. In one issue, the N Team is framed for some kind of wankery, landing Samus and Lana in a women's prison (my oh my). The two work together to bring some semblance of order to Oz, with Samus blackmailing Kraid into helping them ("A week in solitary or a week in the hospital--it's your choice.")
Keep in mind that this comic comes from an era when enemy sprites couldn't stand much taller than the player sprite. If Samus tried to strongarm Kraid in the here and now, she'd end up like a bug on a windshield.
These days, a female game character's mettle is usually equal to the size of her boobies. If there's confidence to be had, it usually comes from chicks who are bold enough to fight with a thong bunched up their ass. Samus has no problem with whipping it all off when the mission's over (being raised by birds probably does funny things to modesty), but we know her best as a quiet, enclosed warrior. Valiant's interpretation of Samus might not have endeared fans today, but back then it was something different.
You can catch one of her adventures here.
Related Links:
The Erotic Adventure of Little Mac
Worlds of Power: Books That Worried Your Parents and Pissed Off Your Teachers
Are Comic Book Games Going To Get Better Soon? Please?