Having grown up with two brothers and personally scoring somewhere in the negatives on the official Femininity Chart, you would think that Bionic Commando would have found its way into my Nintendo library somehow. Alas, no. Though I was always aware of Rad Spencer and his important contribution to history (making Hitler's head and secret headquarters EXPLOD), I didn't adopt any fondness for Bionic Commando until I watched my husband do a playthrough. My eyes followed that swaying red-headed soldier like a pendulum. Where do I sign up for the Bionic Harem?
(And what did I just say about scoring in the negatives on the official Femininity Chart?)
I tried to take control of Rad. When my attempts to make him swing out of the television screen and into my lap failed, I decided I'd at least try to get him through his no-jump adventure. I couldn't get through Area 01. It was an embarassing disaster and Hitler won. I figured Bionic Commando was simply something you had to be born into if you wanted to stand any chance of finishing it.
Time went by, stealing a drop of my life with every tick, and there dawned an age (Now) wherein game developers learned the value of nostalgia. Remakes and revamps of old classics, they reasoned, would send twenty- and- thirty-somethings running to Playstation Network and Xbox Marketplace like sows to the trough. Indeed, we sucked it all down, but there's no shame in indulging in a high-quality remake like Bionic Commando Rearmed.
Grin's re-imagining of Bionic Commando made the game far more accessible difficulty-wise, but without sacrificing too much of the old skool pain we all enjoy getting reamed with. I found it a great middle-of-the-road experience, plus the game was thick with fantasitc character design and humour. Rad is just so cool. I wish he'd come to my birthday party.
The spankin'-new 3D Bionic Commando is due out next year. Looks like Rad Spencer's carefree ways and awesome sunglasses have gone the way of the '80s, but heck, I'm still game.
Related Links:
Derrick's Top 13 Games of 2008--Part 1
Top 5 Reasons Why 2009 Will Bring the End of Lists
My Top 10 of 2008 In No Particular Order: Grand Theft Auto IV