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  • Dr. Mario Supports Universal Healthcare

     

    McSweeney's Internet Tendency has been a great source of game-related satire, with pieces like:

    Things a Lieutenant Would Say to His Men Before Combat If, Instead of Soldiers in a Central American Revolutionary Conflict, He Thought They Were Characters in Contra for Nintendo.

    Expert Help for your Fantasy Baseball Franchise (with an all-Nintendo cast of characters).

    Halo 3 Cheat Codes, as Explained by Neglected Girlfriend, Janet Iverson

    Pick-up Lines Used by Mario

    Here comes the latest spoof, wherein Dr. Mario Weighs in on Universal Healthcare. 

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  • Wii Fit Does Like Jesus

    Thousands of years ago, crippled individuals had to ask for some hocus-pocus from a Jewish carpenter. A bit later down the line, medical science filled in for the J-Man (who did an awesome job but had a sketchy schedule). Now, video games are lending a hand to heal the unsteady.

    In Ireland, a girl took her first steps in four years thanks in part to the yoga and balance games in Wii Fit. I'm intrigued by this story not only because it's yet another example of how video games can benefit us aside from making sure our shooting stays sharp for the inevitable alien invasion: I went through knee surgery some years ago and I wish I'd had something as interesting as Wii Fit to help me through the monotony of physiotherapy.

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  • Wii Do Not Fit Into One Category

    I'm still plugging away at Wii Fit and enjoying it. The game succeeds in one key area where exercise videos and dieting fails: the automatic recording of your progress goes a long way to keeping you on the wagon. When you begin your training session, you're asked to set a goal and a reasonable timeframe for that goal. Watching yourself inch towards that goal is heartening.

    Even though I've always been conscious about moving my body to some small degree every day, I've always had a tendency to ignore at least one vital area of fitness. Wii Fit really does offer a variety of exercises across the board. I can do ten minutes of Yoga, ten minutes of strength training and ten minutes of cardio. I know that's not exactly intensive and I'm not going to become Wonder Woman in a matter of days, but thirty minutes of balanced activity every day has made me feel pretty good. I do feel more flexible. My abs are tougher, but don't go throwing a baseball into them. I can't say my posture is any less horrid, but I'm more aware about my body positioning.

    Wii Fit does have one major flaw though: it fails to communicate clearly with the user on some vital levels. The title measures your BMI, which is rapidly becoming an outdated means of measuring general health. Even my doctor has abandoned it.

    Even so, it's just not a good idea to be too heavy, right? Very true, but Wii Fit forgets to take into account that strength training will inevitably build muscle--and muscle weighs quite a bit. So you work out faithfully every day and get scolded by the on-screen Balance Board mascot for gaining weight. Have you ever been dressed-down by a Balance Board? It hurts.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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