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  • Ecco the Dolphin: Was This Game Ever Considered Fun?

    I usually don't have any trouble tossing a bad game on the street with a suitcase full of its clothes. But over my long bitter life I've played a handful of games that I desperately want to love, but alas, cannot because they're abusive. But I keep letting them back into my home because I convince myself that maybe they've changed.

    At the forefront of Team Uneasy is Sega's Ecco the Dolphin. Ecco was an exciting critter to have around in 1992; our generation was gung-ho about saving the Earth and a game about a dolphin was an imaginative idea (because plumbers that don raccoon suits and fly is just a bit mundane). Ecco the Dolphin puts a watery spin on platforming with your main worry being the danger of drowning rather than jumping over bottomless pits.

    Even the story is compelling (it's a fish story! Ha!). Instead of running down a lost princess, Ecco must find his lost pod, which was sucked up by an ocean-hoovering alien race. Ecco travels through caverns, braves the frigid Arctic waters and studies the ruins of Atlantis before he goes back in time to challenge the dolphin-eaters.

    I dig dolphins. Dolphins are probably the only species on Earth that enjoy life to the very fullest. I love the idea of a game that lets you dart and frisk around in warm tropical waters because God knows I'm not going to be able to afford a vacation anytime soon. That's where Ecco the Dolphin fails, though: you don't dart, frisk and jump. Actually, you do for one fraction of the opening stage and it's a thrill. Then the Oceanwide Tragedy happens, the music darkens to indicate serious business and suddenly you're creeping slowly through thick herds of jellyfish like a sullen commuter on Monday evening.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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