I usually don't have any trouble tossing a bad game on the street with a suitcase full of its clothes. But over my long bitter life I've played a handful of games that I desperately want to love, but alas, cannot because they're abusive. But I keep letting them back into my home because I convince myself that maybe they've changed.
At the forefront of Team Uneasy is Sega's Ecco the Dolphin. Ecco was an exciting critter to have around in 1992; our generation was gung-ho about saving the Earth and a game about a dolphin was an imaginative idea (because plumbers that don raccoon suits and fly is just a bit mundane). Ecco the Dolphin puts a watery spin on platforming with your main worry being the danger of drowning rather than jumping over bottomless pits.
Even the story is compelling (it's a fish story! Ha!). Instead of running down a lost princess, Ecco must find his lost pod, which was sucked up by an ocean-hoovering alien race. Ecco travels through caverns, braves the frigid Arctic waters and studies the ruins of Atlantis before he goes back in time to challenge the dolphin-eaters.
I dig dolphins. Dolphins are probably the only species on Earth that enjoy life to the very fullest. I love the idea of a game that lets you dart and frisk around in warm tropical waters because God knows I'm not going to be able to afford a vacation anytime soon. That's where Ecco the Dolphin fails, though: you don't dart, frisk and jump. Actually, you do for one fraction of the opening stage and it's a thrill. Then the Oceanwide Tragedy happens, the music darkens to indicate serious business and suddenly you're creeping slowly through thick herds of jellyfish like a sullen commuter on Monday evening.
In addition, sharks, horror-crabs and a buffet of evil fish are all suddenly big on the idea of punching holes in Ecco. Problem is that they can't wait to sink their teeth, horns and giant enemy crab claws into him, so the sea is thick with baddies. It's been a while since I've been in school, but I was made to understand that the sea is a pretty big place. Maybe aquatic life should be spaced out a little more? I know the sea can be a bad place for dolphins, but I didn't know sharks wait in line for a piece of frisky flesh.
I also didn't know sharks spawn as soon as you turn your back. For a game that's supposed to make us aware of thinning ocean life, not much in Ecco's world is going extinct in a real hurry.
Worse, touch an enemy and your life plummets in no time thanks to a lack of recovery time. It's a frustrating affair. I want to swim and have fun. I don't want to slither through narrow spike-lined caverns, foraging desperately for air. At least, not for years at a time.
I experience the same frustrations every time I load up Ecco the Dolphin.
"So stop loading it, stupid!"
I said I like dolphins. I never said I was as smart as one.
Oooh, herring.
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