I think that these two replies have more to do with the assemby line nature of internet dating rather than a reasoned, thought-out reply. It's unfortunately all to easy to find one superficial aspect of a profile, key on it, and fire off a hasty dismissal without working the whole of the thing through.

Forgot to add that despite my explanation for their behavior, both these dudes are rancid fucking tossers.

if someone has emailed me and his profile preference is no to children, i politely point out his error.  usually their response is that it's not a deal breaker to them, but, for me, it actually is.  if they put on their profile that they wouldn't date someone w/kids instead of "no preference" (which is the default answer - so no thought is even required to answer that way) then, it's likely that they truly would prefer to not date someone with kids.  why waste each other's time?

Their loss on a couple levels.  

I'm fairly well convinced that a lot of people don't read profiles at all.  They see someone in the right age range, then the photos and seem to ignore the rest.  

And most profiles are too short and say too little.  The fill in the blanks parts are inadequate, but there is plenty of space to express who you are and what you are and aren't looking for.  People don't seem to take advantage of that.  

I'm guilty of not reading through the profiles all the way sometimes. I read their last book, scan for any mention of cats, and what they're looking for. I figure if they're contacting me, I must fit that profile.

Which probably explains how I ended up on a date with a married guy in an open relationship.

AHG! This is for the 2 dudes

hey dudes, ever thought about WHY are you single? you are just plain ignorant! thinking is a sexiest thing around (OK cute works too) so think some

You are so fucking overly sensitive about having children. I feel badly for any guy that has to deal with your crazy bullshit.

I can understand the fellow who doesn't want to date anyone with children after a bad experience.  My last serious ex- had kids, and I fell in love with them.  Since the relationship ended, I've had little contact with them (their choice, not mine).  I don't know what happened with the person who wrote to you, but after that experience, I didn't stop dating women with children, but I became much more careful about how quickly or intensely I got involved.

As for not reading profiles carefully, lots of people fail in that regard.  Moreover, lots of people don't really know what they want until they are in the situation.  A woman who said she had no kids and was "happy with what she had" hotlisted me, despite the fact that I said I wanted kids (both in the check-off area and in the free-writing area).  But she was interesting, so I wrote to her saying as much, and that though we probably were looking for different things in life, it's always good to meet interesting people.  She agreed.  17 months later, we're married and expecting our first child.  You never know.

Given my age, the odds of finding someone within an appropriate age range who have no children are pretty small.  Then going beyond that criterion, finding someone that is compatible in other ways even lessens it.  And despite all my hesitation and drama, I'm not just window-shopping.  I could do that (and do) on the subway.  Yes, I'm sorry, that was me staring at your bottom!!! Okay???  

Seriously though, it would never even occur to me to say "no children."  I don't even see what difference it makes.  

yeah - i've gone out with guys who SAY they're ok with me having a kid - but then start being all spontaneous, cuz they can.  they can decide at 5pm that they wanna go to a free concert at 6.  i can't. they don't understand that canceling at the last minute is actually a problem, cuz i've already hired a sitter.   after a while it's just obvious that they really don't get it at all and i don't bother with them anymore.  

AHG, actually yes, some English blood, but it's pretty diluted at this point in the family history. Spent four years living in Putney and Wimbledon so the local lingo is definitely imprinted in my daily verbiage.

Sometimes I think people only look at pictures, not ages or anything else useful.  I get mail from 18-year-olds, I write a nice note back saying that I think I'm a bit old for them and wishing them luck, and usually get a return response to the effect of, "Ohhh, dude, I didn't realize you were so oooooold.  I don't date old chicks."  I'm in my early 30s.  Oh sure.

my bags are packed, when we going?

airheadgenius: I really respect you for at least following up with those guys who said they weren't into children.  I often try to get in touch with people that my profile says I won't be compatible with--but I expect differences, compromises, even changes if possible and consensual and mutually-desired.  For example, I sent a message to a beautiful, left-wing, vegan; she never replied.  I can't say for sure why--but my guess is that it's because my hobby is making ice cream (not usually so vegan).  But veganism is something I would have loved to learn about!  I understand the idea of a "dealbreaker," but online daters need to ask themselves if the people they flirt with are as hardline on the deal-being-broken as they might at first appear.  I hope you keep checking on the ones who say they don't want to date people with kids--I'm sure too many of them are bad guys, but it is also possible that they are just mentioning preferences that belie their open-mindedness.