people should fess up.  i had a boyfriend, 12 years ago, who had herpes, we practiced safe sex and i never contracted it.  (tested negative for the antibodies during my pregnancy, long after the "gestational period" was over).  he told me before we had sex, if he'd told me after, we would not have spent another moment together.

my good friend got HPV (discovered because of her cervical cancer) from her husband (now ex) who cheated on her.  Imagine that, you discover you have CANCER, and STD and your husband's been cheating on you.  

Like you, AHG, I somehow got lucky and made it through thus far without any problems.

My boyfriend has herpes. I already knew before we started dating(loose lipped ex-girlfriend and all). I'm not sure how I would have felt if he had make some big confession. I was totally fine with it - we just use condoms. It's a small sacrifice to make. My advice - don't spill immediately, wait until there is sufficient affection and respect, until they have some stake in the relationship. Once you've roped them in with your winning personality and the possibility of a soul connections, there is a pretty good chance they'll stick around.

Right before I met the SM I dated this guy briefly. I knew fairly quickly it was not going to be long term, and he was younger and cute and had a really cute dog. (Believe me, I've dated men for stranger reasons.)

On our second date we had sex. I insisted he wear a condom (despite his protestations)'cuz I'm a safe sex chickie too.

And he told me AFTER sex that he had herpes.

I was pissed, but glad I insisted on the condom. I explained his reasons--that it scares people off, etc. But that's no excuse for failing to tell me. In his mind he probably thought it would ruin his chances of having a relationship with me. In my mind it was a non-issue because I didn't really want a relationship anyway.

It's all moot now.

oh if only the whole country was as blase about STD's as all yall in new york. without being as infected with STD's as all yall in new york (sorry).

I don't tell people the hpv saga because it's over, I got my 2 painful operations to cut out bits of my cervix when I was a teenager, got vaccinated against the kinds I hadn't caught, and haven't tested postive for anything since. But that's not 1st or 2nd date material and by then I've usually slept with them already so I won't play the scumbag post-sex disclosure. If it was anything besides hpv I would but I guess I'm selfish.

It's really surprising though, I definitely do not live in a podunk town (maybe just a teensy bit podunk) but a lot of otherwise responsible men here do not think there's any need for rubbers!

Well I got to 36 unscathed...but odds finally caught up.

I've always been a safe sex girl and have taken the responsibility that comes with sex seriously.  I dated a guy in my late 20's who told me 2 months into our relationship that he had herpes.  I felt really angry that he decided to make a choice for me.  There were all kinds of other issues anyway and we broke up.  

2 years later I dated another guy who tells me up front that he has herpes before we had sex and after my previous experience I respected his honesty. We dated for 2 years and everything was fine.

But a year ago I slept with someone, kinda casually...used condoms like I always do.  But he gave me herpes.  He didn't tell me he had it and we did use condoms.  

Luckily I'm asymptomatic so physically it's nothing.  I only found out in a screen that I paid for myself because I didn't want to deal with the hassle of going to the doctor.  So I was able to choose all the tests.

When I got the results and took them to my doctor, her response was.  "By the way had you come here and asked for a STD screen this would not be one of the tests we would run."  I guess since it's a blood-based test they only run it if you have symptoms.  Which I think is irresponsible of the healthcare industry.  I understand the cost issue but at least tell people what is and is not covered in a screen.  Most people won't ask for the additional tests if the doc doesn't think it's necessary but at least they will know it doesn't cover everything.

I take the responsiblity of being asymptomatic seriously too.  I know there is a small....but still real chance I could transmit.  If I'm dating someone I take the meds in addition to using condoms just to be sure to protect the person who is still willing to give me a chance, and I do tell them.  I think they have that right.

So far reactions have been OK.  But it sucks when you meet someone that you're excited about.  The excitement comes with nervousness of how "that conversation" will go.  If they'll give you a chance.

I did everything right....it still happens.  Life can be unfair.

Statistically speaking, one is more likely to be hit and killed by a car than catching an STD during an orgy... but, I suppose, it really depends on the sorts of people you invite to the orgy.

Personally, I've made it through life thus far with but a few "scares" which turned out to be nothing.  Though, how asymptomatic I could be with something remains open.  Periodic testing lays that to rest, though, and the "scares" make for good stories and "lessons" to pass on to future generations... though not so good for first (or second, or third...) date conversation.

EscapedPrimate:  What?!?  Sure, your chances of catching HIV in an orgy are less than getting killed by a car, but if you include HPV and herpes, the chances of catching an STD aren't exactly in your favor.  

Cfaraci:  Herpes is not a standard test given in an STD screening for several reasons.  First, the test has a high false positive rate, meaning that a lot of people get told they have herpes when they really don't.  Second, about 60% of people with herpes antibodies are asymptomatic.  This might seem like a good reason to test everybody, but the problem is that we're not actually sure these people are or ever were contagious.  When you really start looking into things like this, it's surprising how little we really know.  

cfaraci....Maybe you and your doctor already went over this, but basically everyone in the world will show positive in a blood test for herpes. If you had a fever w/a cold sore when you were a child, your blood is positive for herpes. It's not really irresponsibility on behalf of your doctor so much as just an unnecessary test if the patient has never experienced symptoms of an outbreak. I think that's what you're saying happened to you (you requested a blood test even though you had no signs or symptoms of oral or genital herpes, correct?). I think your primary concern right now should be that you're taking prescription meds you may not need.