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Hooksexup Confessions: Shut Up and F**k Me

Posted by spjv840

 

I swear I didn't write this recent confession, although I can completely relate.

"Yes, I'm being a bitch. When I do not get enough sex, I become bitchy. So stop complaining and fuck me!"

No sex = very moody spjv. I have this bad habit of automatically assuming the worst. I've mentioned this before. When it comes to how much sex a couple has during the week, everyone is different. Some couples are happy with once a week, once every two weeks (gulp), some less than that, others more. For me, I can't stand once a week sex. It just screams "there's something wrong" in my head, loudly, every 5 minutes and makes me unable to concentrate on anything. I become consumed with the possibility that there's something wrong in the relationship and we all know how that goes.

Having been in three long-term relationships, I know that after a while, things in the bedroom dwindle down. That all-consuming passion/need/desire to have your partner right then and there, every day, fades and you're left with the feeling of, "Well, tonight is sex night, better shave". This is my worst nightmare. In fact, it scares me more than the thought of cancer, marriage and living in the same place for the rest of my life combined.

I equate a healthy sex life with a healthy relationship. Granted, there are exceptions, as with most things. Great relationship but bad sex, or bad sex but great realtionship. I've had a few quickie relationships where, for the most part, the person did nothing for me intellectually or bored the hell out of me, but in the bedroom? Whole different story. I remember one in particular. We'll call him Leo. Leo and I got along well-enough in the outside world, but where we really flourished was spending long, lazy days in bed having sex and eating cake. Literally, having sex, eating cake, having more sex, more cake. It was bliss! Clearly this was how that whole little saying of "Having your cake and eating it too" was invented. When we were outside, trying to be a couple, it felt forced, fake and not quite right somewhere. I would often call him up at 2AM, back from a night at Foufs, and he would skate down to my apartment where I would greet him barely clothed and we'd continue to have great sex. In the morning? I couldn't wait for him to leave.

There was Army Guy. No, he wasn't in the army, never was and never will be, but he was obsessed with anything and everything military related. He had a big Confederate flag over his bed. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. He knew his war history, but that's about it. Having a conversation about anything else was like trying to get me to eat liver (ain't gonna happen). He was also younger than me by a couple years. That was the first and last time I will ever date someone younger than me, but in the bedroom, wow! Niced size dick, thick where it counts and he knew how to use it. Of course, everyone told me he was so good with it because he had enough practice, but still. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Oddly enough, he was the guy who got me more and more into trying new things in bed. He came up with all kinds of interesting and fun positions that, get this, benefited BOTH of us, not just his man parts. Of course, it ended somewhat badly one night when he got drunk and turned into royal asshole. I packed up my few belongings that I had at his place and didn't look back.

What do you think? Can you deal with a good relationship but bad sex or vice versa? Is once a week enough for you or are you content with once a month nookie?

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Comments

mary78 said:

I'm trying to figure this dilemma out myself--my boyfriend and I are down to once a week and I CANT STAND IT!!!  I just had an old lover come back into the picture---sex was great with him, but we have NOTHING in common. I love my boyfriend, but do I love sex even more??????

September 18, 2008 1:19 PM

mary78 said:

I'm trying to figure this dilemma out myself--my boyfriend and I are down to once a week and I CANT STAND IT!!!  I just had an old lover come back into the picture---sex was great with him, but we have NOTHING in common. I love my boyfriend, but do I love sex even more??????

September 18, 2008 1:19 PM

spjv840 said:

I don't know. I mean, when you think about it, once a week isn't BAD, considering there are couples who get it on once a year...if that, you know? We probably shouldn't complain about once a week, but still. As far as the old lover..whew, is all I can say because I have no idea what I would do in that situation.

September 18, 2008 2:56 PM

boston said:

gotta keep different ones on different burners. And just like that, problem solved.

September 18, 2008 3:08 PM

zeitgeisty said:

The fact that not having enough sex scares you more than cancer is definitely not normal.. Sounds like an insecurity issue.. Moreover, once or twice a week in a long term relationship sounds pretty healthy to me.. Of course you're 25 years old, so I dunno... I was never really into the long term relationship back then...

September 18, 2008 3:19 PM

spjv840 said:

Oh I get it, now you're going to play the role of blog shrink. I don't think so, buddy. It has nothing to do with insecurity, more about boredom. Ho-hum.

September 18, 2008 3:27 PM

amboabe said:

Er, that confession is squirming with self-loathing. Are you ever afraid you'll run out of things to talk about with your partners? Sex and honesty go hand-in-hand. If you just want someone to shut their mouth and fuck you, how long will it be before you realize what a loss it is to have muzzled someone whose babygun is hammering away inside you? Isn't that what vibrating dildos are for?

September 18, 2008 3:42 PM

zeitgeisty said:

Not playing anything...

Your words were...

"It just screams "there's something wrong" in my head, loudly, every 5 minutes and makes me unable to concentrate on anything. I become consumed with the possibility that there's something wrong in the relationship and we all know how that goes."

If that doesn't 'scream' insecurity I don't know what does.. On top of that... that the fear is worse than that of cancer? I mean I know you were being hyperbolic, but even so...That's an issue..

But so what, we all have our own issues... Not making a judgement about it.

September 18, 2008 3:49 PM

spjv840 said:

good god. relax. maybe some girls just want to get fucked. deal with it.

September 18, 2008 7:55 PM

airheadgenius said:

Sex ia about communicating physically with someone. Withholding sex is the physical version of giving someone the silent treatment (discussed on a post of mine a few days back) and can be a hugely passive aggressive move on the part of the person saying no.

But, it's also easy to get into a vicious circle with a partner. One is snippy, so the other doesn't feel like doing them, which makes everyone snippy and now noone wants to have sex. Both parties need to commit to shutting up and putting out just to break the circle.

I've not been in a long term relationship for a while, but have to say that if I was, once a week would not cut it for me. Yeah, some girls just want to get fucked.

September 18, 2008 9:27 PM

zeitgeisty said:

hey by all means, go get fucked!

September 18, 2008 10:02 PM

zeitgeisty said:

...so to speak.

September 18, 2008 10:03 PM

jack morgan said:

I think the idea of 'sex night' or any kind of scheduled sex for that matter, is a fate worse than death. But things just being that way from time to time isn't horrible.

I can't find stupid people attractive for more than a few minutes. But women like fucking robots more than men do I think. When I look around at most men, I can't blame them I guess, but I seriously wouldn't have sex with an idiot more than once on principle. Intelectual standards, though not as immediately apparent, are as important, if not more so, as physical ones.

September 19, 2008 2:04 AM

jihnd said:

from another girlie-side here, my long term relationships averaged twice a day, less than once, i'm not paranoid... just horny & frustrated! i think the key is to find matching sexual appetites, which certainly do not preclude other traditionally more meaningful connections; debate, compassion etc - it just adds right? theres a form of kung fu in tibet that evolved as a way to debate, the moves illustrate a point.. i think sex do the same

September 19, 2008 5:02 PM

spjv840 said:

Well said.

September 20, 2008 1:06 PM

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

CONFESS HERE!

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