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Screen Test: Dissidia – Final Fantasy

Posted by John Constantine



Soulcalibur IV is hilarious. It isn’t just the character-creation tool's astounding capacity for spreading mirth or the fact that you can watch a bi-pedal lizard beat a gimp unconscious with an enormous leg of lam. It’s the detailed story behind every character in the game that’s so funny. Darth Vader, in a feat of fan-fictioneering to make even the most base deviantART dweller blush, has a discernable reason for lightsabering folks in the 16th century. You can’t help but laugh. This is why the existence of Dissidia: Final Fantasy concerns me. We have, given recent events, been discussing how Final Fantasy affects gamers’ minds at length here at 61FPS. If the discussion has proven anything, it’s that folks take their Final Fantasy very, very seriously. Since Dissidia’s narrative leaps of logic have the potential to be even more comical than Soulcalibur’s, what is going to happen in the aftermath of its release?

The answer is internet riots. Trashcans will be thrown through digital windows. Funny pictures of cars will be turned over in the streets. Forum moderators will distribute ban-beatings across the land.

Now that DKS3713 has come and gone, people have finally gotten to play Dissidia and it sounds, well, strange. An odd mix of Power Stone and Star Ocean in play, wanton Nomura-fetishism in presentation. These fresh screens, from Gamespot Japan, show that, yes, Dissidia is a good looking PSP title but, at the same time, Square-Enix has managed to make its characters look even more ridiculous.









Be wary, dear reader. Even after Dissidia’s released this winter, do not make jokes. It might end badly.

Previous Screen Tests:

Fragile
Fallout 3
Final Fantasy Versus XIII
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Alone in the Dark
Silent Hill Homecoming


Related links:

New Gamer Adventures: Soulcalibur IV

Soul Calibur IV: An Exercise in Brand Dilution
Square-Enix: Reeling in the Devotees, Playing the Console Market With Aplomb
E3 Day One: Miscrosoft, Sony, and For Whom the Bell Tolls


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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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