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There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books

Posted by John Constantine



Have you ever been disappointed with your geek kung-fu? You go through life thinking, “Why, yes, I am a gigantic nerd. My nerd knowledge-base is vast and potent. No one can challenge the veritable wealth of useless knowledge I possess, the sheer brain real estate that I have devoted to media instead of human experience. Why, I could have been a physicist! Instead I know about Mega Man continuity.” And then something slips by you and you entire world comes crashing down!

There’s a Bionic Commando webcomic that’s been running since March. How in the holy hell did I miss this?!

Twenty pages of the thirty-two page Bionic Commando: Chain of Command (insert Michael Bay movie score here) have run already and it is, if nothing else, shockingly nerdy in its own right. The story does an entertaining job of linking the original game and its upcoming sequel, bringing back familiar faces like Super Joe and protagonist Nathan Spencer. Wait wait wait. Forgive me. RADD Specner. It’s a little disorienting though. There’s more dialogue on the first page of this thing than there is in the entire original game. Also, Radd Spencer’s hair is markedly less rad. Check out this profile from the original NES instruction booklet.



That is a ragin’ doo. Now look at new Radd Spencer:



What is this space marine horse shit! For shame Ben Judd.

Head over to the Bionic Commando homepage to read the whole shebang. It’s written by Andy Diggle. Diggle also happens to write some comic book about some British magician who looks like Sting and has an awesome name.

Related links:


Gone Vertical: Hands-on Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando: Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games
It’s Official: Capcom Has Been Taken Over By Nerds


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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