News of a "Christian" alternative to Guitar Hero has the gaming world laughing at Christians again. I can't imagine why.
"Grab the guitar and play along with top Christian bands! Shred those riffs or blast the bass…you add a unique sound to the solid Christian rock. But watch out: if you can't keep up, the artists will take a break and stop the music."
Oh yeah. That's why.
How did Christian-oriented games end up as the #1 Choice for Scared Grandmas who need a Birthday gift for sonny boy? By all rights, Christian games should kick ass. They should make you think about your own spirituality. They should make you consider the wonder of the world around us. They should not be about unconditional lollipops and dodging Sunday-shopping heathens to get to Church.
Speaking for my own upbringing, I am a Jew with a smattering of Catholicism. My mother was Irish-Catholic, but she converted. It basically means that she is one of a very few women in the world who has cooked chicken soup and matzoh balls while crying over the death of Pope John Paul the II.
Christians and Jews get lumped in together a lot, except when someone needs to cook up a conspiracy about the banks, but the truth is that Jews and Christians have very different outlooks on God, at least in my own tres observational experience. Christians are more worried about offending the Lord with foul speech or thoughts, which is how we end up with Guitar Praise. Jews are more oriented with the Old Testament, meaning we're well aware that God can fuck up our shit without giving us much of a reason. Let's just say in Hebrew school, I learned about God's power and God's glory, but not necessarily God's love. Oh, and I learned the lyrics to Guns n Roses' "My Michelle" because someone had written them on a stall in the women's washroom. That is soul music.
Since my religious learnings were not coated with a crunchy layer of feel-good, I heard all about the trials of Jacob, Moses, Issac and Abraham. I learned that they fought with God, outright disobeyed Him at times--and, overall, acted very human towards a force they were never meant to understand. I learned that God acted in turn, punishing them severely (and seemingly unfairly--hi, Job) at times. My lessons were stories, not warnings.
But there was a time when Christian authors weren't afraid to explore and question God's wrathful side, either. "Paradise Lost" casts the rebellion of Lucifer in a sympathetic light. CS Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia went as far as to suggest that all righteous men--even righteous devil-worshippers--have a place in Heaven. These sorts of thoughts are extremely taboo in mainstream Christian literature now and, apparently, "Christian games." Everybody wants to write about how walking with Jesus is groovy. Nobody wants to risk talking about their faith being tested.
The Japanese have taken on Christianity in a lot of their RPGs, but the results are blasphemous at best. Okay, maybe not, but there's a reason why Santa Claus was crucified on the wall of a Japanese department store. It's an urban legend, but a pretty persistent one.
I loved unravelling the evil Church of St Eva in Breath of Fire II (m'very first "Kill God" JRPG...sniff...), but the Bible is one of the most influential texts written in mankind's history. It still impacts humankind tremendously, America especially, but the "Bible" games produced by the people who claim to know it best are far sillier and emptier than anything the Japanese could come up with. That's not how things should be.
If nothing else, it's fun to consider how such squeaky-clean froo-froo games could be inspired by a book full of rape, violence, genocide and incest.
(So your daughters "fooled" you into sex twice, Lot. Uh huh. Sure.)
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