True story the first: way back during the summer of 1999, shortly after graduating from high school, I took the cash moneys I’d been given by my loving family (money intended for college), pooled it in with a dash of my savings account, and marched to my local Electronics Boutique. “Ho, Game Jockey!” I said, full of mirth and good will, “Take these funds and place my name inside your hallowed ledger. I am pre-ordering a Dreamcast in full!” It was going to be awesome. I paid for the system, Sonic Adventure, and a VMU. They gave me a t-shirt and a receipt. I then waited for that sacred day of 9/9/99 to roll around when all that is good would be delivered to me. Turned out Electronics Boutique were filthy liars, in more way than one. First, the midnight sale didn’t start until 1:30am. I am sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for this fact, though none of the shifty nerds in line were let in on it. I was nonplussed but hardly enraged. But then I got to the counter, handed them my receipt, and was handed a bag with a Dreamcast in it. But no VMU. No Sonic Adventure. I then calmly asked the cashier when these items would be forthcoming and he replied, “That is all that’s paid for on this receipt.” Then I murdered him.
Not really, but it was another half an hour before they finally handed over the goods. It was a long night.
True story the second: back in October, I pre-ordered the Persona 4 Social Link Expansion Pack from Amazon.com believing I was getting quite the deal: Persona 4 plus an extra “B-sides” soundtrack, a nifty t-shirt, a Persona calendar, and a stuffed animal of the game’s bizarre anthropomorphic character, Teddy, all for thirty bucks. That is a steal. When a giant box arrived at my work place yesterday, I was pumped and ready for some role-playing. Then I opened it and discovered that I can’t read. You see, this wasn’t an awesome pre-order deal. This was a bunch of stuff you pay for BESIDES the game. Amazon cleverly notes this in the product features section: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 game sold separately.
I am not smart. Pre-ordering is a dangerous business. But my lack of attention is your good fortune! I want to hear your tales of pre-order woe, dear reader. Send your story to johnc at Hooksexup dot com and the most tragic, most infuriating, and/or hilarious yarn will win the delightful Teddy plush I mistakenly purchased believing it came with an awesome videogame. The one in the picture above.
So you know, the plastic bag Teddy is in says, “Warning: Plastic bags can be dangerous. To avoid danger of suffocation keep this bag away from babies and children.” Well that’s all nice and dandy, Mister Bag, but what the hell do we adults do?!
Related links:
Capcom, Street Fighter IV Cluttering My Home With Even More Useless Junk
Whatcha Not Playing: Persona 4
And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Love: Atlus Reprints Persona 2
Persona 2: Innocent Sin Translation Complete
Yeah, But Is It Art?: Persona 3 FES