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• Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in A Corner

  Late last night, I was sitting in my library, enjoying a nice cup of earl grey tea, a pipe, and the day's copy of The Times. It was the first night of autumn cool enough for a fire and I’d brought one to a crackling burn in my home’s blackened hearth. The evening was a picture of utter tranquility, the sort of convalescence one scoffs at in youth and longs for later in life when a day’s labors start to take their toll. But it was around 10pm when this harmony was shattered! My lover, Bionic Commando, burst into the room wailing, tears streaming from its eyes, its heavenly façade twisted and mangled by anguish! “My love, what ever is the matter?” I asked, alarmed. “It’s that awful man from the Sunburnt Country! He called me such terrible things!” “I’m afraid I don’t understand, dearest. Who is this rogue who dared question your honor?” “You know. Benjamin Croshaw. Yahtzee. The videogame critic from the island of convicts who walks about in a Justin Timberlake hat. He makes his trade nattering on about obese fellows being silly for liking terrible entertainments. Like me! Oh!” Bionic Commando swooned, its clawed hand against its forehead. Read More... Posted Sep 25 2008, 02:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, yahtzee, zero punctuation, bionic commando, the escapist, soul caliber, I am slowly going out of my mind, star tropics, best of 2008

• Star Wars: A New Halo

  Some people might consider this irrelevant, but The Escapist hosts more than Yahtzee and Zero Punctuation. Kung Fu Grip, a foul-mouthed theatre of action figure puppetry (think Robot Chicken) also nests on the site. Videos featuring game characters being violent, vulgar and nailing anything that moves isn't really new, but Kung Fu Grip has a few videos worth watching. Consider the series' latest, Star Wars: A New Halo, which replaces the bumbling Storm Troopers from Star Wars with the git-r-done good ol' Spartan boys from Halo. You won't be taking them down with Jedi mind tricks, nor will they waste time pounding on a locked door when they could be blowing it up. Read More... Posted Aug 01 2008, 04:32 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with no comments Filed under: star wars, yahtzee, the escapist, halo, video, kung fu grip, fan stuff

• The World Ends With Yahtzee

  It was starting to seem strange that all of our posts directing to The Escapist’s Zero Punctuation had volatile titles. Then I remembered that Yahtzee’s a volatile guy. His special brand of bile is pointed at The World Ends With You this week and, even though I have a serious fondness for the game, he makes some good points about its failures as a role-playing game. You’d think that role-playing would imply that you, y’know, play a role of some kind but, as Mr. Croshaw kindly points out, Japanese RPGs are pretty restrictive in that regard. This is why the silent, nameless protagonist of older RPGs is a sorely missed staple; it allowed you to inhabit that character despite your lack of influence over the story. That said, TWEWY’s story, not to mention its expertly translated dialogue, is pretty swell, so I don’t know what he’s bitching about. Hit the jump for good ol' fashioned ranting. Read More... Posted May 29 2008, 11:00 AM by John Constantine with | with no comments Filed under: john constantine, the world ends with you, yahtzee, zero punctuation, the escapist