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• Yahtzee Kicks Star Wars in the Balls

  The best thing about being born in the early 80s--aside from all the street cred--is that I completely missed out on the Star Wars phenomenon, which has kep both my childhood and my nostalgia glands safe from a franchise that's been circling the drain for over 20 years. If I had been born a decade earlier, I'd probably go nuts over anything George Lucas farted out of his diseased mind; but, growing up in the decade that I did, I was aware of Spaceballs before I was aware of Star Wars--and to this day, Mel Brooks' parody remains the superior product. Let's not talk about the cartoon. It appears that The Escapist's Yahtzee may be of the same persuasion, what with this week's Zero Punctuation being a total evisceration of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.  While I'm not quite sure how he feels about Spaceballs, there's one thing we definitely agree on: the new trilogy was crap, and should be regarded as such.  TFU may do a fine job of connecting the old trilogy to the new one, but is this what we really want?  Shouldn't Episodes 1-3 be forgotten by the world until they become nostalgia for the Star Wars fans who were youngins during the late 90s/early 00s? Don't laugh; in 10 years, countless 30 year-old men will be paying big bucks for double-sided lightsabers on eBay. Read More... Posted Oct 09 2008, 02:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: star wars, yahtzee, zero punctuation, lucasarts, george lucas, bob mackey, star wars: the force unleashed

• Continuing the Old-School Conversation

  Boy, we here at 61FPS sure are thinking with a hive mind today--and it's all due to a lovable, fast-talking British fellow who's already popped up a few times on our blog in the past 24 hours. Needless to say, the reactions of our own bloggers have been intriguing, so I thought I'd continue the old-school conversation with my own post. First of all, retro is undoubtedly back in style--if that isn't contradictory enough for you. I was going to begin this post by going through a list of the most recent retro remakes/revivals, but there's just too damn many. Right now, I'm completely stuck in the past with Mega Man 9 and the DS remake of Dragon Quest IV, and I couldn't be happier. As much as I try to resist the crippling powers of nostalgia, it does get to me; and, in some ways, I realize the tragedy of buying my childhood back, one game at a time. It's safe to say that I'm on the same page as John and Nadia when it comes to Bionic Commando: Rearmed--but there are certain retro quirks that irk me when they appear in a modern-day game. Take the concept of "lives," for instance; it's something that I've wanted to write an in-depth article about for a long time (and I just may do that!). I'm completely against punishing a player with tedium (i.e., replaying long stretches of a game) for screwing up; but if Mega Man 9 didn't have a lives system, it would feel very, very wrong. Despite it kicking my ass up and down the block for a week, there are certain old-school ideas that work best in certain contexts. Read More... Posted Sep 25 2008, 07:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: yahtzee, zero punctuation, retro, nostalgia, bionic commando rearmed, difficulty, castle crashers

• Yahtzee Presents A New Angle On Nostalgia (Sort Of)

  While Mr Constantine gets over his case of the vapours, I'd like to offer my own perspective on Yahtzee's scorn towards Mrs Rad Spencer. One bit in particular caught my interest. (::Pipe puff::) Most of North America had the honour of growing up alongside the Nintendo Entertainment System. A great deal of Europe, if my video game lore is up to snuff, did not. I remember my older brother coming home from a visit to Ireland and telling me about how everyone there still played Atari 2600. I was all like, "No waaaaay!" Then the UK's ultra-sweet take on Smarties rebelled against my stomach and I vomited everywhere. In his latest rant against Bionic Commando and all things fun, Yahtzee briefly mentions that his household was a Commodore 64 household--in other words, he didn't grow up with Bionic Commando or a lot of our favourite 8-bit treasures. Read More... Posted Sep 25 2008, 03:05 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: yahtzee, bionic commando, 8-bit, retro, nostalgia, bionic commando rearmed, nadia oxford

• Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in A Corner

  Late last night, I was sitting in my library, enjoying a nice cup of earl grey tea, a pipe, and the day's copy of The Times. It was the first night of autumn cool enough for a fire and I’d brought one to a crackling burn in my home’s blackened hearth. The evening was a picture of utter tranquility, the sort of convalescence one scoffs at in youth and longs for later in life when a day’s labors start to take their toll. But it was around 10pm when this harmony was shattered! My lover, Bionic Commando, burst into the room wailing, tears streaming from its eyes, its heavenly façade twisted and mangled by anguish! “My love, what ever is the matter?” I asked, alarmed. “It’s that awful man from the Sunburnt Country! He called me such terrible things!” “I’m afraid I don’t understand, dearest. Who is this rogue who dared question your honor?” “You know. Benjamin Croshaw. Yahtzee. The videogame critic from the island of convicts who walks about in a Justin Timberlake hat. He makes his trade nattering on about obese fellows being silly for liking terrible entertainments. Like me! Oh!” Bionic Commando swooned, its clawed hand against its forehead. Read More... Posted Sep 25 2008, 02:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, yahtzee, zero punctuation, bionic commando, the escapist, soul caliber, I am slowly going out of my mind, star tropics

• Yahtzee Wannabe Warns You About the GameStop Devil

  Maybe the word "ripoff" is a little harsh. "Zero Originality" acknowledges its roots through its name alone, but it really does try to be its own thing--and, surprisingly, it succeeds. The Internet has assured me of human beings' ability to parrot whatever's popular. Can we scream about the tragedy of bad retro games without adopting James Rolfe's endearing facial expressions? Check. Can we attempt to put down the fruits of developers' loins with adorable pictures and a smooth British accent that pleases the Queen like a new corgi puppy? Check-a-rooney, though the key word here is "attempt." Zero Originality embraces Yahtzee's fast-talking manner and his special breed of stick-people, but at the heart of the videos is not a game critic but rather a game retail critic who's done his share of monkeywork behind the counter of GameStop. This disgruntled gentleman serves our game-loving species by not only warning us away from the brick-and-mortar behemoth that feeds him (or fed him), but by giving us good reasons why we should stay the eff away. Read More... Posted Sep 08 2008, 06:31 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: yahtzee, retail, youtube, fan stuff, nadia oxford, eb games, zero originality, used games, gamestop

• EVE Online Is an Elaborate Screen Saver

  I don't play MMORPGs, mainly because living in the same house as an MMORPG victim was one hell of an eye-opening experience.  My stepdad has been playing Everquest since 1999, and my greatest memory of his nearly decade-long addiction is the day I walked down into our basement and saw him watching TV on the couch while Everquest played silently on a nearby computer.  Wondering why he wasn't glued to the keyboard, I asked why he abandoned his game.  The answer: "I'm traveling."  His character was sitting on a ship. That was not the life for me. Read More... Posted Sep 04 2008, 04:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: yahtzee, zero punctuation, mmorpgs, bob mackey, eve online, everquest

• Aliens and Games and TV, Oh My: The Jace Hall Show

  Videogames, they’re played on televisions. Well, they’re played on computer monitors too, but those have all but turned into televisions in recent years, right? Right. Of course, 61 Frames Per Second has been pondering and expounding on the relative merits of televised programming based on and about videogames of late. As our very own Amber Ahlborn made the point the other day, videogame television aimed at avid players is typically schlock ridden garbage, marred by a need to come off as both cool enough for the cool kids and geekily informed enough to appeal to the really cool kids. Amber’s spot-on in saying that the best game television is on the internet. When it comes to quality, the comedic characters created by Yahtzee and the Angry Video Game Nerd are joined by the first truly successful preview/review show, The 1up Show. Ryan O’Donnell and Jane Pinckard found the winning formula of scripted dialogue, personality and informed journalism lacking in every other attempt at the form, and O’Donnell has kept it strong for three years running. The golden rule of entertainment is that when you make something that works, someone is going to imitate you on the quick. Read More... Posted Aug 28 2008, 06:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, 1up, yahtzee, angry video game nerd, fear, monolith, aliens, gearbox, television, condemned, borderlands

• Yahtzee Says, Support Your Local Independent Developer (He's Right).

  If you're 1) a gamer and 2) not insane, then one of your favourite all-time games is Cave Story. Cave Story was planned, designed and developed by one demigod, the radiant Pixel. One of the greatest games of all time came from two arms, two eyes and one brain. Cave Story works so well because the graphics, sound, story and gameplay all compliment each other beautifully. But what if Pixel had proposed the title to, say, EA and had a hive mind work on the game? For starters, it would look and sound radically different because players today are all about the big noises and shiny things according to the Big Men In Charge (which is why Mega Man 9 has everyone leaping like dogs at a lambchop). The aesthetic shift alone would have sent Cave Story's delicate feng shui swirling down the toilet. Yahtzee talks about the importance of indie games this week, specifically Braid on XBLA. His argument for indie titles against corporate titles is that too many cooks spoil the broth—or rather, too many faceless men in suits destroy the original intent. Sometimes we all need to step back and clear our heads with games that don't stray far from the man or woman who originally thought up the idea. Read More... Posted Aug 27 2008, 06:42 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: yahtzee, zero punctuation, cave story, pixel, rant, atari 2600, braid, indie games, corporations

• More Downloadable Remakes! More, Says I!

  Bionic Commando Rearmed is apparently excellent, not like there was ever any doubt (well...maybe just a titch). Chances are good that Mega Man 9 will be playable as well, which leads me to believe that Capcom has a pretty good idea about how to handle its remakes. I would like to see more. On one hand, the state of the gaming world is making me brood like Yahtzee. Why are the most exciting games of today remakes and sequels to old franchises? Am I a dirty person for being more excited about ancient gaming lore than Mirror's Edge? I don't know if there are any rabid Osamu Tezuka fans among us, but the whole ordeal reminds me a bit of the Phoenix manga series. In it, mankind's progress sputtered and stalled because he became nostalgic for the past instead of trying to innovate for the future. Eventually, the human race decayed and crumbled before the master computers running the world burnt civilization to the ground with hydrogen bombs. Gamers' pining for the past might be a grim prophecy. We should tread carefully and be wary. On the other hand...hey, Bionic Commando Rearmed! Read More... Posted Aug 13 2008, 07:04 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with no comments Filed under: psp, capcom, yahtzee, psn, mega man powered up, nostalgia, bionic commando rearmed, xbla, remakes, phoenix, mega man maverick hunter x, osamu tezuka

• Just How Far Behind Is Australia?

  To say that PAL regions like Australia receive their games later than the rest of the world is a passé understatement. Now, from the land down under, comes this roundtable discussion on violent games being banned due to the lack of a video game rating system: Read More... Posted Aug 04 2008, 03:30 PM by Derrick Sanskrit with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: derrick sanskrit, yahtzee, fallout 3, grand theft auto, porn, australia, ratings, censorship

• Star Wars: A New Halo

  Some people might consider this irrelevant, but The Escapist hosts more than Yahtzee and Zero Punctuation. Kung Fu Grip, a foul-mouthed theatre of action figure puppetry (think Robot Chicken) also nests on the site. Videos featuring game characters being violent, vulgar and nailing anything that moves isn't really new, but Kung Fu Grip has a few videos worth watching. Consider the series' latest, Star Wars: A New Halo, which replaces the bumbling Storm Troopers from Star Wars with the git-r-done good ol' Spartan boys from Halo. You won't be taking them down with Jedi mind tricks, nor will they waste time pounding on a locked door when they could be blowing it up. Read More... Posted Aug 01 2008, 04:32 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with no comments Filed under: star wars, yahtzee, the escapist, halo, video, kung fu grip, fan stuff

• Yahtzee On E3: Are We Gaming in an Age of Uncreativity?

  Like clockwork, the latest Zero Punctuation showed up on Wednesday afternoon. I think the gaming world shall go mad if Yahtzee misses a week. How are we ever to know that it's Wednesday? Australia's grumpiest gamer weighed in on this year's E3 with a pretty hilarious ejaculation(!) of mild outrage: seeing as E3 2008 was as exciting as discount hamburger, Yahtzee had the right to punch the event in the solar plexus. He did bring up one point I've been thinking about: with the surge of sequels we've been seeing for established franchises, it almost seems as if no one's had an original game idea for a long time. Yahtzee makes mention of crazy old NES games that starred French chefs "riding on stickbugs and armed with guns that shot velociraptors." It's a common complaint and it seems as if we're hearing it more than ever these days. It's not like there's reason to dismiss it as hyperbole, either. When the most unusual title at a big name trade show is a Mega Man title, it's time to descend into Hell and thaw out poor Satan. I haven't decided if I'm totally in agreement with Yahtzee. I remember the NES very well, especially my family's weekend trips to rent games. My two brothers and I took turns with the weekly rentals. Pity the fool who picked up a second-rate platformer game because s/he wasn't renting anything else for three weeks. I quickly learned how not to become a victim. It was a painful journey full of disappointment, floaty controls and terrible tinny music because boy howdy, there was a lot of crap on the shelves of those Mom n Pop video stores. Read More... Posted Jul 31 2008, 07:54 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: yahtzee, zero punctuation, nes, mario, zelda, 8-bit, retro, ideas, bad games

• Sweaty, Oily Barbarian-Men Are Waiting For Your Purchase

  Have you played World of Warcraft so ferociously that your hard drive is now naught but a glittering pile of toxic dust? Maybe you've been thinking about shifting gears a little by taking up the new Age of Conan MMORPG, Hyborian Adventures. Who'd want to strut around as a dinky elf when they could take up the sword of ancient barbarian heroes? Don't bother, says Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee. Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures is apparently the same sword-swinging song we've heard so many times before: big burly warriors controlled by puppetmasters like Marvin of the Gold Claws, a fat boy in a basement with Doritos stains all over his fingers. I'm especially amused by Yahtzee's observation about the personalities of the players around him: everyone wants to "cut your tits off" or act like you're going to do the same to them. Sometimes I think MMORPG players were picked on a lot at school and are pretending to project their revenge into the past with their well-armed (both above and below the belt) avatar. Or...maybe they're not pretending at all. Read More... Posted Jul 24 2008, 04:40 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: review, yahtzee, zero punctuation, pvp, age of conan, mmorpg

• Yahtzee and the Webcomics Plague

  Yahtzee, possibly the only game reviewer capable of out-talking a five-year-old with a new Poekmon game, recently made clear his feelings about gaming webcomics. To give you the five-cent summary, Yahtzee believes that video game webcomics are the putrid nesting grounds of wannabes and hacks. What do you think, class? Personally, while I have no love for the webcomic that served as the primary target for Mr Yahtzee's rant (Ctrl+Alt+Del), I bear little ill will to webcomics in general. There's a popular opinion going around this here Internets stating that only kings and God should be allowed to produce creative work because humanity is generally not very good at anything. I don't think that's the case. Read More... Posted Jul 03 2008, 10:35 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: penny arcade, yahtzee, zero punctuation, webcomics, art, rant, writing, creativity, ctrl+alt+del, internet

• The World Ends With Yahtzee

  It was starting to seem strange that all of our posts directing to The Escapist’s Zero Punctuation had volatile titles. Then I remembered that Yahtzee’s a volatile guy. His special brand of bile is pointed at The World Ends With You this week and, even though I have a serious fondness for the game, he makes some good points about its failures as a role-playing game. You’d think that role-playing would imply that you, y’know, play a role of some kind but, as Mr. Croshaw kindly points out, Japanese RPGs are pretty restrictive in that regard. This is why the silent, nameless protagonist of older RPGs is a sorely missed staple; it allowed you to inhabit that character despite your lack of influence over the story. That said, TWEWY’s story, not to mention its expertly translated dialogue, is pretty swell, so I don’t know what he’s bitching about. Hit the jump for good ol' fashioned ranting. Read More... Posted May 29 2008, 11:00 AM by John Constantine with | with no comments Filed under: john constantine, the world ends with you, yahtzee, zero punctuation, the escapist

• Yahtzee Kills the Entire World

  You thought we were going to stop bringing up topics of rampant, unapologetic, dumb, and brutish violence after this morning’s post, didn’t you? Nope. Brutish violence is, like it or not, a deep fount of inspiration for media of all types. Just look at the Greek epics, the work of Francois Rabelais, all five acts of Titus Andronicus, all ten billion variations on CSI/Law & Order, and 30 Minute Meals with Rachel Ray. Videogames are obviously no exception. While I haven’t worked out the math perfectly yet – 61 Frames Per Second will have the exclusive once I’ve completed the equation – my calculations seem to indicate that some 99.9% of videogames involve destroying stuff. Shooting, stomping, cutting, nudging repeatedly. Even the most seemingly innocuous interactive pursuit finds catharsis in decimation. How does one beat Tetris? You make the blocks disappear. Unadulterated violence is good fun in games, as illustrated by this week’s Zero Punctuation over at The Escapist. Yahtzee’s subject is the four-year-old first-person shooter Painkiller and man does the guy like that game. Read More... Posted May 22 2008, 11:00 AM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, yahtzee, zero punctuation, painkiller

• Yahtzee Rolls With the Big Dogs, Takes the Piss Out of GTA4

  It’s Wednesday and that can only mean one thing: Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw is going to talk very fast and be very funny while doing it. The latest Zero Punctuation up over at The Escapist tackles the hottest gaming subject around this fine spring, Grand Theft Auto 4. Yahtzee does indeed enjoy the game quite a bit but takes issue with the one aspect of the game that I’ve taken the most joy out of so far. He calls the friendship/dating sim mechanics in the game “an irritating, mindless chore” but, as I’ve said a number of times, I’ve found it to be the most immersive and engaging aspect of Rockstar’s magnum opus. Than again, I’M VERY LONELY! Read More... Posted May 14 2008, 02:06 PM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, grand theft auto iv, rockstar, escapist, yahtzee, zero punctuation