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  • Rock Band: My Anti-Music

    Last Friday, Joe blogged about the curmudgeonly Nickelback and their outrage over how music games like Guitar Hero are supposedly preventing people from actually picking up real instruments and starting bands. As I said in the comments section of that post, if the world needs anything, it's fewer local bands; the town I come from is so lousy with them, you can't leave your car parked anywhere for more than ten minutes without your entire windshield getting plastered with an inch-thick layer of fliers.  So I don't think we need to worry about rock and roll going anywhere anytime soon--and if anything, Nickelback is only contributing to the death of the genre, what with their general shittyness and all.

    For me, though, Rock Band is my only real musical outlet. You see, between the ages of 16 and 17, I had about a year-and-a-half of guitar lessons--and while it didn't give me much of a musical foundation, I still picked up some fundamental skills that manifested into a sort of prototype Guitar Hero.  I'd put on a song, try to play along with it to the best of my ability, and think "Damn, this would be pretty sweet as a video game."  Of course, I'm not exactly claiming I had the idea first; everyone knows that GuitarFreaks predated Guitar Hero by a good seven years--I think my imagination was mainly stoked by my obsession with Um Jammer Lammy and the guitar controllers found on the Japan-only arcade release of the game.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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