It's incredibly easy to bitch about Virtual Console, especially when you consider all of the notable games currently missing from Nintendo's digital download service. We're nearly two-and-a-half years into the life of the Wii, and still, no Yoshi's Island, no Majora's Mask, and no Earthbound. Yes, I went there; and I'd go back again if I had to. The absence of games that desperately need to be made available to Wii owners only becomes more tragic on the weeks when, like a turd sliding down the leg of a homeless man, the powers that be decide to release titles that should never be remembered, even in disgust. Ladies and gentlemen, with this week's selection of Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars, we are coming dangerously close to having the tracksuit-wearing monkey-boy's entire catalog available to a contemporary audience, and that ain't right.
To be fair, the whole Alex Kidd thing started with good intentions: he was originally intended to be Sega's answer to Mario (hey, video games are a cutthroat business). But for some reason, no one really gave much of a damn about the little freak; this was either due to the dismal sales of Sega's Master System in the USA or the fact that Sega of America's box art for Kidd's games often depicted him as a chubby, freckled child--and no one wants to see that. This would all be very, very tragic, if not for one important truth: all of Alex Kidd's games were terrible. And if you happen to like any of them, you are undoubtedly the victim of Stockholm Syndrome brought on by distracted parents who couldn't tell an NES from a hole in the ground. You know, for as much as I liked to fool around with that Master System demo unit at a local department store in the 80s (a now-defunct chain known as Hills), I always let my folks know that it was either Nintendo or the highway. Thankfully, they complied.
I have no idea how Virtual Console games are selected for release, but I can't help but feel that this whole Alex Kidd may be sort of conspiracy by Sega to somehow make Sonic the Hedgehog look much more competent. After all, Sonic basically took Alex's job; so what better way to make the new guy look better by showing how bad things used to be? I'd certainly rather play Sonic Unleashed than Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars. I'd also do other comically exaggerated things which would result in self-injury instead of playing anything featuring Alex Kidd--and for the record, I nearly typed Sonic the Hedgehog instead of the big-eared freak's name back there. So I guess my point with all of this is that all of Sega's franchise characters should suffer a painful death, regardless of whether they've seen any action in the past 20 years. And with that, I'm off to start an Internet petition. Thank you for your time.
Related Links:
The Untold Story of Sega Killing Their Own Hardware Business
You’re Doing Great, Sega: Space Harrier Returns
Creator of Sonic the Hedgehog Returns: Sega and Prope Making Game For Penguins