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• The Day Ocarina of Time Got Me Kicked Out of History Class

  The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time hit ten years of age last month, and I am so proud of it. The day I got the game, I skipped half a day of school, brought it home and forgot school even existed until my mother made me go back there the next morning. Once in class, I couldn't stop talking about Link's first 3D adventure. I bounced off the walls so hard that the teacher sent me out. Why this story is magical: I was eighteen at the time and attending grade 13, a "preparation" year for college. And I had been exiled to the hallway for disturbing the class like an eight-year-old with a pocket full of fart bombs. Ocarina of Time hasn't aged well in ten years. If I encountered a hermit scratching moss from behind his ears and blinking at the sunglight for the first time in two decades, I'd direct him in his video game education thusly: skip Ocarina of Time and go straight for Twilight Princess or even Majora's Mask. Link's first N64 outing was lacking in swordplay, no thanks to a barren overworld bristling with a few fences and peahats, maybe a leever or two. But if this hermit told me some manner of centipede god had told him to emerge into the world strictly to study game history, I'd tell him, "Oh shit dude, Ocarina of Time all the way." Ocarina of Time is a pioneer. Bare fields were a small tradeoff for playing the Zelda series' classic puzzles in 3D for the first time. Light a torch with a lantern? Yeah, if you're a sissy. Light a torch by shooting an arrow through a living flame and sparking the cold sconce on the other side of a pit? Awesome. Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 08:00 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, legend of zelda, ocarina of time, n64, nostalgia, anniversary, nadia oxford

• WTFriday: The Star Fox 64 Promo Video

  Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week. When you're advertising your game, you definitely want to buy some Internet ads. TV spots are a must if you've got a big budget. And if you really want to go all out, you should definitely create a narrative about two Brooklyn wiseguys/corporate representatives kidnapping a skydiver and a scientist. Makes sense, really.  Also, don't forget to steal the eyeball-popping torture scene from Martin Scorsese's Casino! This approach may seem insane, but back in 1997, the aforementioned madness is how Nintendo chose to promote one of the N64's best games, Star Fox 64. We've seen a few promo videos so far on WTFriday, but this may be the goofiest--even if its intentions are pure. I'm sure Nintendo would like to bury this infomercial along with the very idea of the Virtual Boy, but YouTube is a source of inescapable shame. Just watch: My favorite moment out of all this mess comes at 5:44, when the dollar store version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" kicks in. Did a lawsuit from the estate of Kurt Cobain prevent Nintendo from making further--possibly copyright infringing--promotional videos?  Of course not.  Jon Lovitz needed something to do after The Critic.  I like to think of a hung over, out of work Jay Sherman narrating that one. Read More... Posted Nov 07 2008, 12:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, star fox 64, n64, bob mackey, wtfriday, virtual boy, promo

• Brave New Super Mario World

  A couple of days ago I posted my own ideas for "freshening up" the Zelda franchise. They were minor suggestions, at least compared to some other ideas I've seen 'round the fandom (how do you feel about Zelda steampunk?), but even minor suggestions are necessary. A collect-a-thon while you're wearing a wolf pelt is still a collect-a-thon. Miyamoto knows he needs to give Zelda a bit of a spit-shine, and he said the same about Super Mario Galaxy. It's true that Twilight Princess was a bit close to Ocarina of Time in ways, but Super Mario Galaxy was, for me, a pretty unique experience--or if there's some game out there that lets you relive anything close to the space-faring adventures of The Little Prince, by all means please let me know. That said, how do we get more "original" than forcing Mario to stomp Koopas while he's hanging upside-down? Read More... Posted Oct 31 2008, 06:20 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: wii, gamecube, super mario 64, n64, super mario galaxy, nadia oxford, legend of zelda twilight princess, super mario sunshine, innovation, new super mario bros

• Movie to Game to Movie: Goldeneye

  Like everyone else who was alive in the late 90s, I played a hell of a lot of Goldeneye for the N64; as primitive as it may seem today, Rare's take on the Bond franchise was the first console shooter to make waves in a pre-Halo world. But despite the hours and hours I'd virtually murder my friends with the world's sexiest Englishman (not my definition), the source material never really interested me. At the time, I had never seen a James Bond movie, so I wasn't exactly worried if Goldeneye was a faithful movie-to-game translation. The N64 adaptation could have included a Kart racing level, and I wouldn't have known any better. All these years later, it's safe to say that I have Rare's version of Jimmy Bond's adventure inscribed in my brain where so much useful knowledge could be, so I thought it would be a surreal experiment to finally sit down and watch the movie I had already had a great amount of exposure to, albeit in a different form. It was weird. Read More... Posted Sep 26 2008, 12:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with no comments Filed under: rare, goldeneye, fps, movies, n64, bob mackey

• What'd I Miss? Panzer Dragoon

  Despite appearances, the console wars today just aren't as fierce as the days when we knocked out each other's teeth arguing for the Super Nintendo against the Genesis. The transition to the 64/32-bit era was especially fierce, with Nintendo boasting about the benefits of cartridges over CDs (and convincing idiots like me) while Sega thought it had nothing to fear from a young stallion named the Sony Playstation. In the end, I got a Nintendo 64. When I couldn't resist the pull of Mega Man anime cut scenes any longer, I got a Playstation. By that time, the Sega Saturn was grabbing its chest and gasping for air and we all looked up from our copies of Final Fantasy VII just long enough to laugh at its suffering. Being something of a Nintendo fangirl during the Hedgehog-Plumber wars, I thought, "Ha ha, Sega. I never needed your stinky games anyway." Except for Panzer Dragoon. I needed that one very badly. Read More... Posted Sep 04 2008, 05:54 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: n64, retro, console wars, panzer dragoon, remakes, nadia oxford, hardcore gaming 101, panzer dragoon orta, sega saturn, sony playstation, panzer dragoon saga

• I Wish I Had Bought Tetrisphere.

  Tetris, who isn't familiar with Tetris? I owned the original Game Boy once upon a time so naturally I had the game that started the craze. But I have a secret to share. I wasn't really a fan. It was okay, but I seemed utterly immune to its spell. Really, I'm not much of a puzzle game fan. Oh sure, I like puzzles that are worked into other games, like platforming games or adventures and such, but pure puzzle games have never attracted me that much. But I really do wish I'd bought Tetrisphere. Read More... Posted Aug 29 2008, 11:00 AM by Amber Ahlborn with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, amber ahlborn, n64, tetris, game boy advance, virtual console, retro game, tetrisphere

• Wow, Superman 64 Really Was Terrible

  The Angry Videogame Nerd isn't beloved by everyone, but I find comfort in his disjointed rantings. It's definitely a hit-or-miss affair, but when he latches onto a game that's actually worthy of his unbridled rage, fun for everyone ensues. Somewhere in the back of the Bible, God warns us against mixing the Angry Videogame Nerd with Superman 64 for fear of igniting an early Apocalypse. We did not heed His warning and instead encouraged the union. Thankfully, we all survived the result and we all had a good laugh about our near-deaths. I found the Nerd's rant particularly educational. We've gotten used to seeing Superman 64 near the top of every "Worst Games Evar" list, often second only to the Atari 2600's E.T.--the title that touched the game industry's with a glowing finger that killed rather than healed. But I never realised how ghastly Titus' disaster actually is. Superman 64's very existence offends me. It does not have the right to be matter. Why should it exist when worms and bugs die every day? Sorry for the dramatic streak, I'm just having a bit of fun. I often review games and manga in exchange for bags of weevil-ridden flour and vials of heroin--er, I mean, vials of not-heroin. Maybe I'm soft-hearted, but I rarely dole out failing grades. There are many, many mediocre pieces of work out there, but (in my opinion) few failures. In my book, you get a grade for having the determination and stones to put pen to paper and keep on going until you have a finished product. There is not one speck of effort in Superman 64. It completely earns its failure. It revels in it like a little boy who picks his nose to gross out his elders. Read More... Posted Jul 11 2008, 07:33 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with no comments Filed under: angry video game nerd, n64, atari 2600, superman 64, bad game, titus, et, worst game ever

• Periphery: Archaic N64 Paraphernalia is The Best

  Periphery spotlights gaming peripherals and products from the past, present, and immediate future. Gamesniped.com is one of the more dangerous blogs on the internet for gamers. Their contributors tend to find auctions and sales of gaming’s rarest detritus and, for the right person, just the sight of some of these treasures can cause madness. One of today’s oddities is an eBay auction for a Nintendo 64 Disk Drive development kit, complete with blank disks. For anyone unfamiliar, the 64DD is Nintendo’s biggest failure, eclipsing even the oft-derided Virtual Boy, considering even fewer games were produced for it. The bulky add-on was planned as a way to release add-ons for N64 games, as well as a tool for programmable software. Only nine titles were ever released, four of which are all-but-unknown sequels to Mario Paint. Read More... Posted Jun 11 2008, 01:00 PM by John Constantine with | with no comments Filed under: john constantine, nintendo, periphery, n64