This morning I was sifting through the Dating Confessions section and came across this gem…
"Men: let me tell you something. You've got ten seconds to impress women. In those ten seconds, we check your hair, your clothes, and your shoes. If you pass that initial check, you have five minutes in which we decide whether or not you're attractive, friend material, or a loser. Don't think that you can show up to a date wearing a gammy T-shirt and we'll fall all over you by virtue of your witty banter. Because by the time the banter comes out, you're already either a friend or a loser."
So, what is the underlying message? Apparently appearance is pretty much the be end and end all’ when it comes to initially choosing a partner. Witty banter, intelligence, repartee…if you’re not up to snuff as far as your looks are concerned, the best you can hope for is friend status. Although, one might feel a tad put off after reading this, I feel the author is pretty dead on.
Speaking directly to this issue, the question I usually like to throw out there is…
'What would you rather have, love at first sight, or have someone grow on you like a fungus?'
The overwhelming response from my female friends is the 'fungus'. Now I know this is total horseshit. No one could possibly prefer the fungus over the fast beating heart, and butterflies in the stomach you get when you are truly knocked out by someone. Still I hear back from my gal pals;
'Well the love at first sight 'thing' usually burns out fast, but a slow growing relationship stands more of a chance of lasting'.
Again phooey! That would mean you'd be trading one of the few natural perks of being human - overwhelming passion and excitement, for the stability and sleepy comfort you could get from a pair of old shoes.
My opinion, is in order for a relationship to work, it has to initially be based on looks. Of course I'll hear that this is a shallow and juvenile way of seeing things, but I assure you it's not. It's mere logic. How can you expect a relationship to truly get off the ground if it's not based on carnal obsession and animalistic lust? If one constructs, or cobbles together some sort of pact with a partner based on mutual respect, or similar mindset, then what happens when someone comes along that truly blows you away?
In other words, the relationship is vulnerable.
Now I'm not saying that looks, sex and aesthetic bonding is the whole enchilada, I'm just saying that it must be the starting off point. All the other stuff follows suit.. or doesn't, but to settle for comfort and stability serves no one in the end.
I am aware that certain women have this innate need for stability and long-term intimacy, and that some are willing to forego passion and lust in lieu of something they feel outweighs such 'secondary' needs. However, this is mere convention. We should not shackle ourselves to this perceived wisdom. It's actually destructive. One should absolutely know for sure that your partner views you as the pinnacle of all things attractive, sexual, and powerful. I mean what would the alternative to that belief be? Perhaps that somewhere inside, she harbors another image of perfection, or worse yet some specific person she knew before, that probably dumped her and left her with a broken heart.
Now some may argue that passion doesn't last, that it eventually settles down into routine, but I disagree. True passion and attraction do not fade. If that was the case, then why are so many people walking around still carrying torches for the past loves of their lives, constantly comparing their present relationships to them, holding them up as standards to be measured against?
In other words, true passion never dies, it stays with you forever..
Besides which, what would you rather have, an overwhelming 'fuck frenzy' that settles down naturally, or a constant trickle of hum drum intimacy? No . Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to think they were 'settling' for me. I can't understand anyone who would want that.
Some people are so lonely that they just need that companionship. They can't be alone in their lives. They're like rhesus monkeys that constantly need someone to grab onto. It doesn't matter really who it is, they could be some arbitrary choice. This is maddening to me. I also don't believe in the assertion that if you find someone personally interesting, or intellectually stimulating that this can be the basis for a satisfying relationship. If this were the case, tell me why there are millions of forlorn 'interesting' and 'intellectual' nerds out there being dumped on their collective asses each day by their girlfriends, because she found some hotter guy to bone?.
It is about aesthetics...
Yes you can talk about Schopenhauer and analyze Hitchcock, and wax philosophical over societal and moral issues, but if you don't wanna fuck the person to death that you're bullshitting about all this stuff with, then where's the climax? What's the point?
One might ask the question, 'What about the really ugly ones, are they doomed?' I say most probably not. I actually believe that practically everyone has someone out there that would find them devastating. Ok.. Maybe not the elephant man, or some guy with a horn growing out of his forehead, but practically everyone. I mean, I've seen the most boring looking guy with some googly eyed girl on his arm looking up at him worshipfully. It's all about aesthetic connection.
We all have our own little codes implanted in us, about what we find find personally attractive. Some are banal... actually most are banal. Some are more esoteric and specific, but we all have these images in our heads as to what constitutes beauty, so why settle? In the long run it's a big mistake. This misguided view of relationships is the reason the porn industry is through the roof, the reason why vibrators are flying off the shelves, and the cause of much misery believe me.
So next time you start thinking that the fungus would be the better option to lust at first sight, I suggest buying a can of tough actin' Tinactin and look for another Mr. Goodbar..
Bodacious, british babe.... actress Gemma Bissix
Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file
The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file
'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file
BITE ME! - Snark.
My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past
Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file
Talk dirty to me!!
I abstain! The fear to fuck
The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.
BITE ME!!!
Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file
The brass ring