Does it ever. Japan has me trembling in my delicate booties. Typically it’s just one thing or another that gets me quaking in abject terror: a bizarre fan-made video here, a witch molestation game there. Today, Japan’s working overtime. Gaming exists, at the Japanese moment, in a state of flux. Traditional gaming appears to be dwindling – way back in June 2007, Screen Digest predicted that 89% of Japanese households would own a Nintendo DS, a number that will likely need to be increased after the DSi releases later this year – while simultaneously thriving thanks to Capcom’s Monster Hunter Portable juggernaut. Major publishers continue to consolidate while the nation’s auteur creators start crafting more and more games to suit Western tastes and flock to Western publishing houses. Hell, the Xbox 360, an American console, outsold the PS3 throughout September. Things are topsy-turvy over there. It’s enough to make a man skittish, especially with the Tokyo Game Show due to start in just forty-eight hours.
What’s to be scared of? For starters, there’s the Chrono Trigger Museum in Square-Enix’s booth. This worries me for two reasons. First, I may wake up in a Japanese prison on Saturday morning because I will have unconsciously attempted to steal everything on display. Second, it will most likely be the first time that people get hands on time with Chrono Trigger DS’ brand new scenarios, including the Dimensional Distortion. The Dimensional Distortion is a brand new story-rich dungeon/quest being supervised by Trigger writer Masato Kato, and while that’s exciting in theory, tampering with a classic in any way is extremely dangerous. The Tokyo Game Show may also, if Action Button’s Tim Rogers is correct, mark the debut of Fumito Ueda and Team Ico’s long-in-development Playstation 3 game. I’m scared it won’t be there, but I’m even more scared that it may not live up to the astronomically high expectations set by Ico and Shadow of the Colossus.
So, yes, terror abounds. But I take comfort in the little things, like Japan’s pervading constancy. I can sleep soundly knowing that, one way or another, Japan will find a way to make even the simplest videogame pervy as hell. Look no further than the just-released Ikkitousen: Eloquent Fist. Ikkitousen is a sidescrolling beat ‘em up for the PSP made in the classic mold of Final Fight and Double Dragon, sporting gigantic and beautifully animated sprites. Those sprites also happen to be teenage Japanese girls who, after taking enough damage, find their already revealing attire (maid and schoolgirl outfits, natch,) completely destroyed, leaving them very, very naked. Almost all of the game's "4000 animated cutscenes with full voice" focus entirely on the protagonist's breasts. I’m sure you get the idea, but you should enjoy this trailer just to let it sink in.
Nothing mollifies neurosis quite like some good ol’fashioned portable hentai.
On a final note, Sam Kennedy’s blog over at 1up revealed to me that Japanese record stores do not have rap or hip-hop sections in them. No, they have “Black” music sections. See for yourself.
Japan? You scare the fucking bejesus out of me.
Related links:
Japan Scares Me: To Love-Ru - Exciting Outdoor School Version
Japan Scares Me Follow Up: To Love-Ru Makes Japan Even Scarier Than Previously Thought
Japan Scares Me: Mario and The Western Show
Ne, Rokkuman! Yaranaika?: The World of Hayadain