Blizzard doesn’t need to make games in a timely manner. They finish games when they’re finished. This is because Blizzard are masters of their craft. They are unimpeachable purveyors of the best the medium has to offer. Got something bad to say about the Warcraft trilogy? Best keep your trap shut, pal. Think World of Warcraft is a cunning way of enslaving free minds? Keep it to yourself. And heaven forfend if you question the merit of Starcraft, Diablo, or either of those series’ impending sequels. Indeed, Blizzard are new gods for the 21st century.
But this was not always the case. Once upon a time, Blizzard made trash. Fun trash to be sure, but trash nonetheless. That is to say, once upon a time, Blizzard stayed up all night.
Of the multiple Up All Night candidates from Blizzard’s catalog – and believe me, The Death and Return of Superman and Justice League Task Force are prime subjects – none are so deserving as Blackthorne. Blackthorne is raw 1990s, distilled into a collection of pixels, and preserved for all of time. The plot is a tangle of violent sci-fi fantasy tropes, so if you’re curious about the nitty-gritty of Blackthorne’s story, please consult this handy synopsis on Wikipedia. All you really need to know is that you play as a longhaired dude named Kyle Vlaros, aka The Blackthorne. Kyle does not wear a shirt. Kyle wears jeans, a tanktop, sunglasses, and a shotgun. The jeans are for comfort, the sunglasses are for looking cool, and the shotgun is for shooting everybody. This goes for the monstrous aliens who serve the evil ruler of Tuul, Sarlac, as well as the peaceful subjects Sarlac has enslaved. I found it to be pretty shocking the first time I accidentally shotgunned a helpless prisoner in the head way back when. But when I realized I could shotgun them over the shoulder – I’m pretty sure blind shooting, recently popularized by Gears of War, originated in Blackthorne – I couldn’t help but be manically amused.
Joking aside, Blackthorne is a good game, albeit a remarkably cheesy one. If you’re a fan of platformers in the vein of Flashback, Out of This World, and the early Oddworld games, track it down. Of course, if you’re a Blizzard devotee, you probably already have.
Previously on Up All Night:
Doritos Dash of Destruction
Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe
Cannon Spike
Parasite Eve
Trojan
Dark Sector
Ex-Mutants
Nightmare Creatures
Bad Dudes
P.N. 03