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The Problem With Video Game Apparel

Posted by Bob Mackey

Even though video games invade nearly every part of my life, they're rarely found wrapped around my body. Okay, there was this brief three-year period in my life--roughly around the time I worked at GameStop--where I wore nothing but promotional t-shirts and blue jeans, but at some point I realized that oversized Eternal Darkness gear wasn't exactly winning over the ladies. So I promptly gave away all of my video-game wear and vowed to never return until someone, somewhere could make nerdy clothes that weren't entirely so... nerdy.

Most video-game related shirts are of the variety you see in that image up above: they're usually a piece of clip art paired up with some sort of sassy expression--because your t-shirt's wit level is a good indication of your own. The problem with these goony shirts is that most of us adults have outgrown the witty banter of fourth-grade wordplay and Scarface references (yes, really) in exchange for becoming adults with some sort of taste in fashion. Note: if you're reading this and are currently wearing a black t-shirt with a smart-alecky slogan printed in white text about how you won't fix my computer or something, I expect a written apology sent to my inbox.

In an exciting twist to this fashion-related adventure, my five-year boycott of video game apparel ending this October when I discovered FanGamer. It should be noted that the fact that they sell Earthbound merchandise probably means I would have fallen in love with them regardless, but their shirts are actually fashionable, high-quality, and reassuring to those who fear they will be beaten for wearing clothing based on a 1995 Super Nintendo RPG. I think the main difference between their shirts and the mass-market shirts--aside from all of the love involved--is that FanGamer is working within the constraints of copyright violation; so, their representations of what they're trying to represent has to be abstracted some way to avoid legal troubles. This situation leads to shirts that are both clever to fans and tolerable to the outside world, which is quite a feat. No one quite knows what the pins on my jacket or the "EB" on my t-shirt stands for--and if they ask, they get more information than they wanted to know.

So, have any of you out there discovered some great video game gear? I'm looking to expand my summer wardrobe.

Related Links:

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Comments

John Constantine said:

Threadless' Bioshock shirt is awesome and is markedly not nerdy: tcritic.com/.../bioshock_3.jpg

January 27, 2009 12:06 PM

Minnor Setback said:

I love that Chrono Trigger shirt!  I'm definitely going to be ordering one when they restock their sizes.

January 27, 2009 12:47 PM

parish said:

I average about two shirts a month from shirt.woot.com, and I HATED printed T-shirts until I discovered that site.

January 27, 2009 1:34 PM

Bob Mackey said:

I love that bird shirt; thanks for the link.

January 27, 2009 2:06 PM

John Constantine said:

thanks, parish. there goes more of my money.

January 27, 2009 2:46 PM

LBD "Nytetrayn" said:

Yeah, a lot of video game shirts suck for the reasons you describe.  But I do love this one I managed to get, thanks to a friend, which is basically the Super Mario Bros. 3 box art on a yellow shirt.  Something about that one just seemed so... right.

January 27, 2009 3:57 PM

dukerayburn said:

MeatBun and Huzzah Goods both have some decent games. I really like their Final Fantasy design.

January 27, 2009 4:50 PM

Josh said:

Aw, hell, I AM wearing the black t-shirt with 'No, I will not fix your computer' printed on it shirt.  BUT...I am 32, it was a gift shirt, and I'm wearing it under a nice business-casual sweater.  I just wear these shirts as insulation these days.

February 2, 2009 2:04 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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