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Date Machine: The politics of contraception

Posted by airheadgenius

 

 

So, PO made an annoying comment over on spjv's post about condoms, so I thought I'd roll out an oldie that caused a bit of a hoo-ha back in the day on my previous blog. Anyone remember that? Ooo, doesn't fishnets call her punani a hoo ha, or did I just make that up?? 

Let me preface it by saying that I hate condoms. They smell, they burn, they look stupid, but I hate the following attitudes more...

I had an annoying conversation with my brother about a young woman with 3 kids - all in care due to neglect and about to have another. His opinion was that she should 'get her tubes tied". Well, maybe so, but the bit that gets me is - what about the fathers? Although in this case, the title of father seems to be a little grand.

Why is it usually a woman's 'job' to either take care of contraception or persuade a man to do so? Every safe method a female can elect to use is either physically invasive or chemically invasive, whereas the male just has to be accessorized.

Maybe I should be writing girls and boys rather than men or women, because I haven't encountered a guy like this in decades. I just wish teenage boys could be taught to be responsible - that it is as much their job as their girlfriends....

This conversation happened in England where the teen pregnancy rate is the highest in Europe. America's teen pregnancy rate is the highest in the industrialized world. Two countries led, at least until recently in England, by religious idiots. Preaching abstinence clearly is not working.

Sex education should be mandatory in schools and contraception should be free to everyone, regardless of age or income. Although the 'free' bit isn't working so well back home.

Please people, educate your sons so that no-one has to hear that 'she got pregnant on purpose" bullshit.

Ooo - just thought of a new line 'you can't get trapped if it's wrapped'. Maybe I will start a campaign.......

And gentlemen, before you start bitching about condoms and your poor poor encased penii, just give a thought to having to deal with periods every month, cramps and bleeding and buying expensive products to manage that and possibly having to deal with an unexpected pregnancy and deciding whether to terminate or having a planned pregnancy and labour and child birth and breastfeeding and then, when you've got a little bit more of a clue, shut the fuck up!

 

 I like this photo because it's ages since I've seen a man walking around shirtless. Made me kinda nostalgic.

Jared Leto. He'd be a good pick to mow my lawn. This is not a euphemism. I am talking about the back yard. That is not a euphemism either.

 

 

Here are some I made earlier:
Turning into Zeitgeisty
Feeling my age
The real deal profile
In my bedroom one will find
Biggin it up
The facial hair pubic hair conundrum
The trouble with rich men
5 Things I am Thankful for
British Personal Ads
How do you like to be dumped?
Not much to do with dating
Duh!
Do you date aliens"
Man's Best Friend
+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

dripnote said:

OK, I can support the verbal bitch slap of immature men who whine about condoms. I also recognize that while women are the ones who would have to carry and crap out an infant human, it takes two to booty-tango and the dudes bear responsibility in the prevention of bringing more people into this world.

But dear God, why is it any time a guy brings up an unfortunate incident involving his penis (i.e. getting hit by a frisbee, etc.) the women always come back with menstruation. I know being on the rag sucks, but it is not a "here's the problem with my junk" trump card.

...Also, I kinda love that the last 4 words of the "filed under" section say "Jared Leto got pregnant."

December 8, 2008 12:09 PM

airheadgenius said:

drip - do women really always come back with that??? Not even a soul offers to suck it better? What kinda women are you hanging out with?

I take issue with "crap out" unless you've experienced the worst case of constipation in the known universe. Thrilled that you pointed out Jared Leto got pregnant though. Let's start a rumour!

December 8, 2008 12:25 PM

shakti_vos said:

funny, the younger guys i've been with (20's early 30's) have all happily pulled out a condom, w/out even a hint from me that they should do so.  it's the older ones, the ones in their 40's who've been the hard sell.  i think the young guys are being taught, it's the guys of our generation who are lazy as shit.  

let's face it, our contraceptives are just that, contraceptives. condoms can prevent a whole host of problems.  and dudes, that's your responsibility.  (and don't give us that "there's a female condom" bullshit, i've tried it, it sucks)

i use an IUD, so i don't get my period anymore, thank god.

and DRIP - never in my life have i come back with that, so i sincerely doubt it's "women always come back..." i'm guessing it's more like ONE woman came back w/that ONE time.  

December 8, 2008 1:38 PM

E-Claire said:

Where I'm from, condoms are a mans responsibility, being on the pill/some form of contraceptive is the womans. I think thats the ideal balance. In fact I'd even go so far as to say a woman is seen as 'easy' if she carries condoms, kinda like she was looking to score that night. The pill is classier or something [you can have sex anywhere anytime.. so classy.]. Kind of backwards thinking, really.

If that doesn't make any sense, my apologies. No sleep in 2 days, ergh.

December 8, 2008 1:54 PM

dripnote said:

Yeah, I've heard that one at least half-a-dozen times (that's like one plus... uh... more). But I will allow for the possibility that the women I've hung out with in the past were either bat-shit crazy or very crampy.

airhead - Speaking of shit, sorry if you took issue with the "crap out" bit, but I do eat a lot of cheese so I might have a little bit of insight... Jesus, I'm not doing a very good job of mitigating my insulting comments. Oh, and I can totally hear the trashy tabloid shows now: "What Hollywood hottie and frontman for a shitty band is expecting a child, and not in the way you're thinking? Next on Hollywood Insider!"

December 8, 2008 2:16 PM

PO said:

Aw, jeez. An "annoying" comment? Because it was suggested that a girl consider putting the condom on the guy? We can go back and forth all fuckign year about which gender has the rawer end of the deal. Point is, this is something that is a choice, is not inevitable, and can assuage the shrink-wrap awfulness that is the necessity of wearing a condom, which as I said, you girls will never know. Different from your period, Air. Nothing gonna help that, you bought that one at birth. And me, I got to have years of uncontrollable adolescent erections and a lifetime of having to be "the man" in doing the approaching and risking the rejection, that again, you will never know. I'll repeat that we can go back and forth all day on this shit. But some things can be mitigated with a little common sense and decency. Some are hopeless. Why not spread the love? Seems to me most of the finger-pointing that goes on in these pages comes from the fairer sex. No wonder you're all single! (that was a joke.)

December 8, 2008 4:31 PM

LydiaSarah said:

Right on, Airhead! And I love the slogan. Put THAT on a T-shirt.

I have also never "come back at" a guy with a menstruation complaint but I guess I'll take your word for it that it has happened. I actually don't think periods are so very awful. And there are certainly all kinds of built in problems with male junk. Having the gonads hang in a little bag outside the body, vulnerable to all manner of frisbees and other assailants? Whose idea was that??? I like my plumbing indoors.

PO--if the condom really feels like shrink wrap, maybe it is too small. I was with a guy who said he went quite a while without realizing that a condom is not supposed to fit THAT tight.  

Also, I'm so tired of hearing guys complain about having to be "a man" and doing all the approaching and rejection-risking. I don't know that many women who consider this to be a necessary standard. I, and many of my female friends, have quite happily done plenty of approaching and we've all experienced rejection too. Nobody gets spared that. In my experience, the people who consider always making the first move to be a necessary standard of masculinity are not women but men, who then generally feel all tortured and sorry for themselves about it.

December 9, 2008 12:43 AM

Toluca_86 said:

"a lifetime of having to be "the man" in doing the approaching and risking the rejection, that again, you will never know."

I approach and ask out guys, and I'm a female.  I know a lot of other women who do as well.  Maybe you ought to talk to the females you're talking to, instead of some preconceived notions of what "women" as a category are like.

Makes me think of Zeit, who complains of women not being independent or intellectual enough, but doesn't seem to prioritize those characteristics very high relative to others when seeking out mates.  Well, whaddya expect?

December 9, 2008 12:47 AM

gregan said:

Please.... Step out of your closed little life bubble. If you are a girl and regularly ask guys out...YOU ARE NOT THE NORM ! Come to terms with that.  Look outside of what you think you and your friends do a lot of and observe any public place where strangers meet for the first time. You will see that it is heavily slanted in the direction of men.

Secondly..... If you are taking the viewpoint and stance that woman have so much more of a burden... Making the choice weather or not to keep the kid, Carrying the kid if they decide to keep it, Breastfeeding, etc. Shouldn't it perhaps be your side that bares a little more of the urgency on prevention ? After all, A woman will have a greater life change should that little fun accident occurs.

None of the over a dozen forms of common birth control are 100 % effective, condoms included.  Woman should be on one of the many forms of birth control unique to their gender.  A condom shouldn't be the only relied upon source of birth control..... Why the F would you put all of your eggs "Ba dum bum" in to one basket ?

In my opinon a woman not on birth control is a woman who want's to get pregnant.... Simply by not taking the best precautions. A man knowingly willing to date/sleep with a woman who isn't on birth control want's a baby as well. Not in the sense as in please I want a kid, but in the sense that they are willing to take the chances of a condom failing. I personally I have had several tear, come off, etc. over the years.

Fine you can't take the pill because it screws with your head or something... One of the other 12 options out there wont do that to you.  

Condoms..... do suck...no denying it.  You have no idea what it's like to dull your senses down to about 10 % of what they normally are. Suck or not they are a necessity if you don't want to have a little accident.

December 9, 2008 6:58 AM

PO said:

So there.

December 9, 2008 2:38 PM

dripnote said:

LS - I know, right? One of the conversations I'm gonna have with the Good Lord some day will be why he decided to give us guys a hyper-sensitive bean-bag right at optimal kicking level. Makes no sense.

Also, personally, I'm just sick of hearing people complain... Which I guess is complaining in-and-of itself. Does that make me self-loathing? I guess centuries of Irish Catholic ancestors could affect me at a genetic level.

Oh well.

December 9, 2008 4:30 PM

Toluca_86 said:

"Secondly..... If you are taking the viewpoint and stance that woman have so much more of a burden... Making the choice weather or not to keep the kid, Carrying the kid if they decide to keep it, Breastfeeding, etc. Shouldn't it perhaps be your side that bares a little more of the urgency on prevention ? After all, A woman will have a greater life change should that little fun accident occurs."

That would be the libertarian solution.  You may notice that up above airheadgenius says she's looking for a socialist.

"You have no idea what it's like to dull your senses down to about 10 % of what they normally are. "

10% doesn't sound that awful to me.  Women may not always enjoy intercourse that much depending on how turned on they are.  A lot of women don't get that much out of intercourse at all physically, but do it anyway for emotional/psychological reasons or wanting to please the partner.  So sorry, what you're saying still doesn't sound that awful to me.

December 9, 2008 9:14 PM

Toluca_86 said:

I think the ideal solution is that in a committed relationship, the two people split the costs of all birth control methods.  I think a lot of young couples (in their 20s) are starting to do this.

"Please.... Step out of your closed little life bubble. If you are a girl and regularly ask guys out...YOU ARE NOT THE NORM ! "

I didn't say I was the norm.  Still, it's not terribly rare either.  If you reread my post above you will realize that this falls in line perfectly with what I was saying.

December 9, 2008 9:15 PM

airheadgenius said:

shakti - a life without periods. What bliss! I tried that stinking little mirena IUD and it didn't work for me at all.

E-Claire - I think the pill is great if you can take it. I took it for about 20 years, but now I can't even function on it.

drip - you really should ease up on the cheese

PO - your annoying comment wasn't that we should put them on - that makes perfect sense to me as the man is much more likely to stay hard during the process - it was the fact that you think we should pay for them. Like you'd be shelling out $50 a month for your chick to be on the pill, or dropping $400 for an IUD. Puh-lease.

Lydia - ooo, I think you might get your very own post for that comment. To be continued...

Toluca - you're getting your very own post in a few minutes

December 11, 2008 9:25 PM

airheadgenius said:

Gregan - and now on to you and your 10% comment. I know EXACTLY what it's like to have my senses dulled down to 10% because I've been on the pill. The pill is the perfect birth control - once you take it, you have absolutely no desire to have sex any more.

The mirena IUD has a hormone component - same effect as above for many women. Myself included.

Ditto implants and patches.

There's the copper coil which increases blood flow. Absolutely useless for someone with heavy periods.

Oh and let's not forget the Today sponge. I know at least 6 children born using that method.

Then there's the diaphragm. That requires spermicide which many women are allergic to, but aside from that it's messy and has to be left in for hours afterwards. If the woman is prone to yeast infections, this baby will guarantee a few more bouts of them. Plus, it's not reliable for women that have had children.

I've no idea how old you are, but I do know that contraceptive options for women lessen with age and especially after they've had kids. At my grand old age of 41, the hormonal ones don't mess with my head, they make me so sick that I can't get out of bed. And the non hormonal ones are just not that reliable.

Which brings me back around to condoms. Like I said, I hate them, but they are a necessary evil.

December 11, 2008 9:35 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Perhaps I'm over-sensitive (take that in any way you wish), but down to 10% for a condom?  Perhaps you're buying balloons from the party goods aisle.  

December 13, 2008 7:32 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Condoms are not ideal.  I don't know a man or a woman that would claim it's a great deal.  They're the best option though.  Celibacy SUCKS.

December 13, 2008 7:37 PM

phoenixclm01 said:

On a lighter note...airheadgenius, the Jared Leto double euphemism bit is a great laugh.

December 14, 2008 8:38 AM

airheadgenius said:

phoenix - oh bless your cotton socks. I am glad someone appreciates my double entendres

December 14, 2008 10:32 AM

drkate08 said:

Ok, I know this post is all about not getting babies.. but let's not forget that condoms protect from nasties, too (HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, etc.) So... would you rather wrap it up or get a nice case of drippy dick (or worse, be on anti-retrovirals for your remaining years)? No other form of birth control protects like a barrier method against disease. So, while I'd use an alternate form of contraception if I was in a relationship and we'd been tested, I'm still making my men cover up.

December 17, 2008 12:09 AM

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