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Date Machine

Date Machine: Man's Best Friend

Posted by airheadgenius


I am not particularly an animal lover, although I am certainly not a hater either and have owned one or two over the years, but there was never a time that I, for example, mistook them for my children.

Today, I saw the following sights as I walked along in the drizzling rain with my humans--
A small dog clutched in the arm of a woman, with the other hand sheltering its face from the rain
A small dog wearing a bright yellow rain slicker
A dog in a dog-carrying contraption being held snugly under an umbrella.

It was all I could do not to start chanting

Dogs are Waterproof!
DOGS ARE WATERPROOF!!!

Last week, when the humans and I had to travel to the Upper White Side for a doctors appointment, large son asked me why all the dogs were being carried.
"Can't they walk Mummy?"

Now if you choose to take a real baby out for a walk, you have a couple choices-- put it in a stroller or carry it. Humans don't walk until around a year and are really not particularly good at perambulating for long until at least 3 years old.

Animals, on the other hand, get that walking thing worked out a little sooner.
And most really don't require shoes, or any other clothing because they are, errrr, dogs for example.
Ok, maybe those daft little chihuahuas might need a sweater, but they get special dispensation due to their mutant status.

So, if it isn't abundantly clear, my pet peeve (no pun intended) is people carrying their dogs and/or treating their pets like humans.

What's this got to do with dating I hear you cry?

What's up with these men with their dogs featuring OH SO PROMINENTLY in their profiles?

 

"Love me, love my dog. My dog is my best friend. You'd have to love my dog if you're going to love me". Blah blah blaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

I don't care about your freakin' dog. I mean, I am sure it's a reasonable animal and all, but I don't care about it. Maybe eventually, it would be something I'd have to consider, but to be honest I don't see it.

And I've noticed that these very same men that are so obsessed with their dogs also love to travel. Travel is a must apparently.

Oh yeah, so how do you reconcile those two things? I've just spent 10 days away from my humans and it was really difficult for them. Presumably you throw your animals in a kennel whilst you're busy finding yourself in Goa.

I wonder if men overstate their pet love in an attempt to sound caring and, maybe even like father material? But just as likely, owning a dog is the only level of commitment a 40 something New Yawker can muster up. Kids are there 24/7 and you can't put them in a kennel, but you can ship a pet to the local dogsRus for a few days or weeks away. And even if it's dog abuse, the bugger can't complain to you about it can he? or dial up the RSPCA and file a complaint (Lord knows what you call it here)

One guy even told me that getting together would be tricky because of my commitments to my children and his commitment to his dog. Oh-kay.

I will leave you with a joke told to me yesterday on the phone by my brother. I could picture his funny face laughing as he said it.

How do you know that a dog is Mans Best Friend?
Lock yer wife and your dog in the boot of your car for an hour and, when you open it, see who's most pleased to see you.

Hehe

Glossary--boot = trunk in real English

 

 

 

 

Isn't he pretty? Robert Plant circa 1970 

Here are some I made earlier:
How do you like your foreskin?
Why do men love breasts?
Who pays?
What if?
Have you ever been experienced?
Surprise! I'm Pregnant!
Dogs and Dating
Erectile Dysfunction
Daddy's Girl
I need a Frenchman
What I want
The Fart Edition
Fisting and small snatches
How bloggers date
Did he die?
Je t'adore
Zeitgeisty's Behaviour
+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Nov 15 2008, 08:27 PM
Filed under: , , , , , , ,

Comments

Toluca_86 said:

Hell, Robert Plant is pretty NOW.  He looks so much fun up on stage.  And I don't usually go for old men.  I can only imagine when he was younger...

November 15, 2008 9:24 PM

shakti_vos said:

a guy i know with a big dog went out once with a woman who had a bird.  she obsessed throughout the dinner on how concerned she was that his dog would eat her bird.  they never went out again.  i guess my point is, bird people are weirder.

November 15, 2008 11:16 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Since when is the pet issue a man thing?  I don't cruise male profiles but I can't even count the number of photos I've seen of women with their pets.

Hint... ladies... You've got a picture of your dog licking your mouth.  If I wanted to lick your dog's balls, I would cut you out as the middle-man.  

November 16, 2008 12:39 AM

acamil said:

its ASPCA.

November 16, 2008 7:53 AM

adriftinbklyn said:

i figure a dog in a profile picture is there for one or more of the following reasons:

1. it's indicative. like saying you're a vegetarian or you don't drink or you collect precious moment figurines or play magic the gathering. when you learn someone has a dog you can make some general assumptions about their temperament and lifestyle that can help in determining if they are or are not a potential match.

2. it's a great icebreaker. makes it super easy for someone viewing your profile to shoot you a note: "cute dog!" "what's his/her name?" "what kind of dog is that?" "i wanna play with your puppy!" part of this online dating thing seems to be approachability. post a picture of your dog, you immediately appear more approachable.

3. dogs are the ultimate pick up artists. seriously, if you're ever feeling starved for affection, bring a dog to a bar. so if i get a message from someone whose profile looks otherwise uninteresting but he has a picture of himself snuggling some adorable puppy, i'm a whole lot more likely to respond.

but i'm biased. i have a dog and he's in one of my profile pictures, so...

November 16, 2008 11:54 AM

profrobert said:

Owning a dog was a deal-breaker for me.  My social life with a date was not going to revolve around the eating and excretion schedule of some animal.  I also suspect I'm not the only one -- I can't tell you how many profiles of really beautiful women I came across (the kind where you ask yourself, what's she doing on an internet dating site?), only to see that she owned a dog.

Oh, and anyone who writes in to the effect, "How can you say you want a child if you're not willing to take care of a dog," I say:  BABIES ARE NOT DOGS.  And if you don't get that, please, for the love God (or Dog), don't reproduce.

November 16, 2008 2:40 PM

Thea said:

My parents never bought a stroller. They carried me until I learned to walk and then I walked. Now I'm a dancer with no driver's license. Coincidence? No way!

November 16, 2008 8:51 PM

dvaleriey said:

My fellow charmed me by building a carpeted roost in his truck to transport my Chihuahua to lakes and mountains in order to, as he put it, "add setting and dimension to his little dream world."  It was a huge part of our courting ritual.  Now that we live together, he builds my tiny pup elaborate perches (in keeping with the period architecture of the home) so that the doggie can have several window-facing beds (outfitted with heating pads) throughout the house.  Men who hate animals are stingy lovers.  Beware!  

November 16, 2008 10:05 PM

airheadgenius said:

Toluca - he is craggy now. Hence my need for a time machine over on spjv's blog.

shakti - I would've loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. Would've laughed my arse off. What came first - the chicken or the neurotic bird owner?

recycled - Catwoman is good if it involves a chick in a vinyl suit. Catwoman when it's some daft old bint with 40 cats, not so much.

acamil - thank you. You are very helpful.

November 17, 2008 12:26 PM

airheadgenius said:

adrift - see, this is when we get into horses for courses territory. I can almost guarrantee that what appeals to you doesn't appeal to me. None of your comments in point 2 have entered my head ever ever ever in real life or internet dating. And if I see a guy smooching with his dog, I immediately think "next". A man striding around a farm with a dog at his heel would be almost interesting, those hallmark shots make me want to hurl.

prof - ewwww, big fat judgement on internet dating from the prof! Plenty of gorgeous people internet date as a choice, not because they can't make it in the real world. Get with the beat baggy. I am with you on the second paragraph though - can you imagine these fools that thought that parenting was like pet ownership... what do you mean I can't check it into an orphanage while I go to Hawaii? I have ALWAYS done that with my shitzu and she's a PEDIGREE! (shitzu - how hilarious is that??

thea - haha to all the bugaboo frog suckers! (that's a ludicrously expensive stroller for the uninitiated)

dval - yer fella's gay. Ooops, sorry gay peeps, that was insensitive. This falls into the horses for courses category too - your comment just exudes love for your partner which is a beautiful thing, but if he was mine I'd be like "you did what???" Thwack.

November 17, 2008 12:36 PM

dvaleriey said:

If my fellow were my "partner" he would be gay, but he's just a manly man who has the balls to build elaborate gifts for a tiny pup in order to get the maximum adoration from his woman.  The men I've dated who didn't want to be seen in public with my dog were the most overt Alpha males in public and the biggest pussies in private.  To be sure a good-looking guy with a talented tongue, tool/plumbing abilities (in & out of the bedroom), and a sharp wit would appeal to most women.  The fact that he was Machiavellian enough to intuit that pampering my pooch would make him the front-runner of my suitors still thrills me.  

November 17, 2008 3:24 PM

airheadgenius said:

dval - see, partner in my country means romantic partner. Straight or gay. Hence my blog post of today.

Different language, my English and the English spoken here. (Shakes head and sighs)

November 17, 2008 3:37 PM

shakti_vos said:

just in case you're wondering, you know who the bird owner is!  

November 17, 2008 6:38 PM

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