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Date Machine: The trouble with rich men

Posted by airheadgenius

(Yeah, so it's a re-run. Bite me, I've got a hangover)

 

I was talking to a friend of mine in France the other day about the latest round of shenanigans in my dating life.
She asked if I'd found a rich man yet.
I said not yet.
She said "ah well, never mind, you can only get one or the other"
One or the other of what I asked?

Pots of money or a big dick.

And, having cast my mind over the 1 or 2 (maybe more) dicks I've encountered, I've gotta say that she's onto something there.

Which got me to thinking...
Why is it that a big dick and a big wallet are so often mutually exclusive?
And here's what I came up with--

Teenage boys spend a lot of time in the locker room showers and so get to see each other's equipment. They also spend an inordinate amount of time looking at porn.
So, by the time they are thinking about college, they know full well whether they are packing a big one or a little bit genitally challenged right?

AND THAT DICTATES (hehe dick-tates) THEIR CAREER CHOICE!

The guys with the little ones think "man, I'd better get me some money otherwise I'll never get laid" and they take the lawyer or day trader career path, f'rinstance.
The guys with the bigs ones hear "You are smart. You could be a lawyer you know, you don't have to be a struggling musician" and they think to themselves "fuck that noise, I've got me a big dick. I can be a struggling artist and still get laid"

Seems like a pretty sound theory to me.
Whatcha think?

I gotta say, this pretty much epitomizes *conflicted* for me.

 

 

Chris Evans. Not to be confused with the other Chris Evans

 

Here are some I made earlier:
5 Things I am Thankful for
British Personal Ads
How do you like to be dumped?
Not much to do with dating
Duh!
Do you date aliens"
Man's Best Friend
How do you like your foreskin?
Why do men love breasts?
Who pays?
What if?
Have you ever been experienced?
Surprise! I'm Pregnant!
Dogs and Dating
Erectile Dysfunction
Daddy's Girl
I need a Frenchman
What I want
The Fart Edition
Fisting and small snatches
How bloggers date
Did he die?
Je t'adore
Zeitgeisty's Behaviour
+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Nov 28 2008, 09:40 PM
Filed under: , , , ,

Comments

zeitgeisty said:

From now on I shall blame my exceedingly big dick for the fact that I'm not a millionaire... !!

November 28, 2008 10:57 PM

octopus8u said:

The lawyers I've dated have been hung.  Smallest weiner awards go to the slackiest slackers I've known.  Painters.  Emo hipster jerks.

November 28, 2008 11:51 PM

Toluca_86 said:

Well, it seems to me struggling artists and musicians generally do better than prick lawyers when it comes to getting laid, at least when they're young.  I hadn't necessarily thought it was about big dicks, though your logic makes some sense.  I, for instance, was far more focused on homework back in high school when I felt more unattractive and was totally convinced academic success was the only thing I was good at and the only way I'd get positive attention.

But back to the musician thing (and I do have some personal experience with this), I tended to chalk up their success with ladies more to the fact they're passionate about something other than beer and football, most of them come across as sensitive, and they have dexterious fingers.

November 28, 2008 11:56 PM

vix_en25 said:

im with octopus. I once dated a lawyer with a really nice big schlong. come to think of it, I have seen quite a few nice cocks attached to successful douchebags.

November 29, 2008 3:57 AM

spjv840 said:

"dick-tates" *snicker snicker*

November 29, 2008 10:00 AM

anathema_teatime said:

Hmmm . . . the biggest one I've ever seen was attached to a heroin-snorting punk singer. The smallest, to the boy I lost my virginity to, who grew up to be a professional drummer in . . . wait for it . . . a Christian rock band. I'm not sure what this means, except that maybe he turned to Jesus rather than Mammon for consolation.

November 29, 2008 11:14 AM

tearsofacid said:

What about the scientist?  Why don’t people ever talk about dating scientist?  Were the original nerds you know.  Forget all the hipsters, musicians, writers cause nothing says “passionate about your job” then writing 600 pages of code or dissecting a cadaver.  We can make it worth your time dating us too.  I bet we have junk that is significantly bigger then most other social groups (P <.001), so why not show us a little luv.

November 29, 2008 10:38 PM

Blueruin said:

I've been described as 'ample', now I have a reason for being the biggest slacker ever.

"Why've you missed the last month of lectures?"

"Oh it's okay, I have a big dick."

November 29, 2008 10:52 PM

Dancing Closely said:

Sometimes we get signed to a major record label or find a kind of art that we enjoy and that makes us money because of our big dick like teaching ladies to dance in body contact. It is always nice to see that look on a pretty ladies face and think, "I've got this sale on ice".

November 30, 2008 4:47 AM

Kinbote said:

Damn I wish I hadn't read this. I am not packing and I am not rich and my career is in Pedagogy. Wahh.

November 30, 2008 7:41 PM

hotwax said:

biggest cock i ever had was on a german dentist. im talking over a foot. he stuffed it into my mouth while we got naked in the black forest. good times

December 2, 2008 3:22 PM

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