"I just don't want to be in this relationship anymore."

Very simple and to the point..

The worst one for me was a distance one, where I thought that the distance wasn't an issue but she did. It was just under two hours and of course I would have travelled two hours to see her.

I don't think lying is good or necessary.  Because sometimes the other person is going to figure out it's a lie, and that at least will drive me crazy trying to figure out if the intention was to condescend to me or what...

I think diplomatically phrased honesty is the best.  And I'm always uncertain what to do with the "let's just be friends line" because even if one part of me may want to be friends with the person, the other part of me is going to continuously worry that they said that just to be nice, and once again feel condescended to...

When I'm turning down someone I don't know that well I just keep it simple: "Sorry, but I'm just not interested (anymore)".  

thing is, it's a dating confession, i think a lot of people feel that way when they get dumped.  though i have never experienced it.  i like loobetchka's response, fact is, if i don't want to be with someone, i can't for the life of me figure out why they would try to stay together.  

I think it depends on the circumstance.  If neither person has done anything cruel or dishonest to the other, then just be honest and say, "Hey, this isn't working for me and I think it's time to move on."  If it's only been a relatively short thing, the explanation doesn't matter (though people often demand it.  If it's been a long term thing, chances are the explanation matters less.  Honest and kind is the best approach.  I think there is generally a decent path.  On the other hand, there is a path of decency in the response also.  The person getting dumped doesn't have to take it as an affront. All a person needs to know is that the other person doesn't want to be with them any longer... that they're not happy for whatever reason.  People needn't torture each other with too much truth, or anger.  Move on.  Take the time you need to grieve or be angry, or get therapy so you don't inflict it on the next person... and move on.  

Really though, getting dumped always sucks, no matter how it happens.  

I like the "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore" approach above.  I didn't know to use it previously, but recently being on the receiving end of this tortured, I don't want to keep hurting you so even though all I want is to be with you I think you should stay away from me b.s. (which, obviously means exactly "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore"), I'm all for just saying it.

If the relationship has been going on for awhile, it seems to me that it's likely unfeasible to break up with someone without giving an explanation.  

A simple 'I want to break up' doesn't really work in that situation.  Too much of a possibility for the vagaries and ambiguities of what's unsaid to cultivate neuroses in the dumpee.  Truly cruel.

Occasionally, being cruelly and horribly broken up with (via email no less, by a hot psycho Mexican she-devil) with everything on the table allows one to properly detest that person and move on.....which is healthy.  Attempts to let people off easy inevitably fail.  The salt-on-wound effect of being told that "you're an incredible person" or "I'll always remember you" or my favorite, "You made me fall back in love with my major/career" just sound ridiculous.

Very little, after being together for a while, is going to come as any surprise, as much as one would love to believe it's all out of the blue.  If the other person is unhappy, and you don't know it, then what other explanation is needed?  Not going into details isn't cruelty.  It's mercy.  

Except perhaps for us hyper-analytical people, who unless we feel like we know exactly what happened will tear what we DO know to shreds in our minds...  

And actually, recycled, I do know friends who felt like their longterm bf/gf broke up with them out of the blue...

If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore it's always for the following reasons...

a) youre not attracted to the person anymore

b) you met someone else who excites you more

c) youre bored

d) you want to see other people and be free

and E) You dont want to be in the relationship anymore... period.

It's never a complicated reason...

well loobetchka, I think you're speaking for your self here.

There are also things like sexual incompatibility, lifestyle incompatibility, lack of trust, distance.

Actually, I'd be curious to read lists by people with more extensive dating histories, of all the reasons they've ever broken up with someone.

i totally agree with toluca....

 loobetchka chooses the narrow minded road yet again...

"I don't want to be in this relationship, I'm confused about what I DO want, but I respect you too much to drag you along or to hide it from you."

I got that once, and I appreciated it.

Reasons I've broken up with someone

1)  (at age 14)

Reason I broke up with him:  he made out with my sister's friend while I was grounded for coming home with a bottle of coconut vodka in my backpack.  plus our one attempt at sex ended so awkwardly badly that I couldn't bear the thought of ever being naked with him ever again.  

Reason I told him:  I, uh, didn't.  I just actively avoided him, including running down the halls and into open classrooms when I saw him coming.  He eventually got the picture.

2)  (age 16)

Reason I broke up with him:  I was cheating on him with this unbelievably sexy (to me, at the time) Venezuelan exchange student.

Reason I told him:  it just wasn't working any more and that I wasn't happy b.c. he wasn't affectionate enough.  (all true, but those were not the immediate causes)

3)  (age 18)

Reason I broke up with him:  He was crazy.  Emotionally abusive, manipulative, and possessive.

Reason I told him:  I think I pretty much told him that.  Via e-mail.  Because I was too afraid of him to be alone with him again ever.

4)  (age 23)

Reason I broke up with him:  our relationship had broken down to the point where we couldn't be together for more than 15 minutes without fighting.

Reason I told him:  the truth.  I mean, he was pretty aware of it too and ok with it.

5)  (age 24)

Reason I broke up with him:  b.c. I had basically whined into getting him to not break up with me when we became long distance, under the guise of "let's give it a try." But that didn't really overcome our basic problem, i.e. he did not want to be with me.  Also I wanted to date someone else.  Also he was boring in bed (his nickname, among friends is "two-minute missionary man")

Reason I told him:  the truth, minus the wanting to date someone else, minus the sucking in bed part.

6)  (age 25)

Reason I broke up with him:  after four months of trying to get him to go on a trip with me (somewhere, anywhere), and a week after getting into a huge fight with him about this, he agreed to go on a big trip abroad with another woman.  This forced me to confront the reality, that it wasn't that he was opposed to making plans and going on trips (as he had told me and I tried to make myself believe) but that he didn't want to go on one with ME.

Reason I told him:  the truth.

Also, I've been broken up with twice  Both times were done very gently, with "you deserve betters" liberally thrown in.  But, that didn't prevent me from freaking out.  Basically there is no good way to break up with me.  

In an 'its just over' situation, i think some sort of balancing honesty and not hurting the other person is called for.

A lot of the hurtful things that have been said to me were only hurtful because they'd not been said earlier.  A breakup isn't an excuse for conscience-alleviation honesty.

Also, directness.  I've been dear-johned and i've had a girl pick fights to get me to dump her. Cowgirl(or boy) up and just say it.