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Common: Rare Makes Bad Games

Posted by John Constantine

Jetpac is not good. Neither is Killer Instinct, Kameo, or Captain Skyhawk. While we’re on the subject, you should also know that Perfect Dark is bad. Battletoads sucks. There. I said it. Rare makes bad games. They have always made bad games. Playing Rare’s games reminds me of having to sit next to the kid who always crapped his pants in kindergarten. You feel bad for them, you may even think they’re pretty funny, but that doesn’t mean you want to play with them.

Banjo Kazooie 3 and Viva Piñata 2 will most likely also be bad.

I do have some fond memories of their games. Like everyone else in 1997 with an N64 and a handful of friends, I poured more than a few hours into Goldeneye. And I still find myself firing up the original Donkey Kong Country whenever I make it back to my parents’ house, looking for a light 16-bit fix under the auspices of cleaning my garbage out of their basement. But on the whole, I’ve never understood the adulation heaped on the studio. They have, for the most part, spent the last twenty-five years making gaudy, unwieldy games marked by finicky controls, shallow goal structures, and some of the ugliest characters the medium’s ever seen. Their final N64 game, Jet Force Gemini, is a classic example. While the game is quite colorful, your time is spent wandering empty environments, collecting knickknacks for no clearly specified reason, and driving freak protagonists around like tanks. Seriously. Look at these poor bastards.



Even more so than the inexplicable reverence though, I have never understood why Microsoft dropped $377 million on the company in 2002. It’s not exactly an investment that’s yielded positive results. Rare has released five titles for Microsoft’s consoles in six years, all of them commercial and critical failures (Viva Piñata being the only exception. Critics loved it, no one else cared.) Take a look at these fresh screens for Banjo 3 and VP 2. Will they break the trend and be masterpieces? I doubt it. But tell me what you think.


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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

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