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Sonic the Hedgehog: I'm Just Not that Into You

Posted by Bob Mackey

Inexplicably, the top six-or-so titles on my GameFly queue were unavailable, so I was sent Sonic Rush for the DS--a game I had originally added back when I signed up for the service nearly three years ago.  Of all the recent Sonic the Hedgehog titles, the often-overlooked handheld games have been the least offensive--and dare I say, fun--extensions of the franchise, mainly because they're about Sonic running to the right, and have the good sense to not include sexual tension or political intrigue.

So it's fair to say that nothing really offended me about Sonic Rush in the brief amount of time I tried it out, aside from the fact that Jet Set Radio composer/beatmaster Hideki Naganuma was apparently demoted to working on low-profile Sonic games. Seriously, the guy is awesome, and Sega needs to put him on as many projects as they can. Musical outrage aside, I wasn't exactly bored with Sonic Rush; in fact, I couldn't even muster up the motivation that boredom requires to exist. It seems that every Sonic game--no matter how high the quality--produces nothing but complete apathy in me, and I've been trying to find out why.

My theory has always been that the Sonic the Hedgehog formula was never really strong enough to support more than two games--yes, Sonic 3 and Sonic and Knuckles were both competant platformers, but how much did they really add to the overall Sonic package?  And the 3D games, as impressive as they seemed at the time, were never able to adapt to the new format as gracefully as other 2D transitions like Mario and Mega Man (of Mega Man Legends).  For Sega, Sonic the Hedgehog needs to exist; he's their cash cow, and the whole furry obsession thing probably lines their coffers more than they'd like to admit.  But for me, he's been completely irrelevant since the mid-90s.  I'd rather see a resurrection of Panzer Dragoon or Jet Set Radio (or--Christ--even Alex Kidd) than watch Sega repeat their Sonic mantra of "We swear this time it'll be good!" 

Because it won't.

Related Links:

Do You Hold Any Hope For Sonic Unleashed?
What'd I Miss? Panzer Dragoon
Gaga for Segagaga


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Comments

Roto13 said:

Sonic Rush is one of my favourite DS games. I keep going back to it. I have the soundtrack on my iPod.

September 24, 2008 5:51 PM

Demaar said:

I'd play a new Alex Kidd game. Imagine a gritty realistic beat 'em up where a dude's fist becomes as HUGE as he is whenever he punches. That'd be rad.

September 26, 2008 2:38 AM

LBD "Nytetrayn" said:

I've been wanting to see Alex Kidd revived for awhile.

--LBD "Nytetrayn"

September 26, 2008 3:29 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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