Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week. 
So it looks like CNET's Don Reisinger has a bee in his bonnet about EA putting the most terrible, abominable, vomit-inducing creations of all time--human female breasts--into the video game adaptation of The Godfather Part II. If you've grown up in a lovely culture influenced by Christian morality, then you probably know that the naked human body is an affront to God and should be covered at all times, lest we get "devil britches," the unofficial terminology for not feeling any shame. Don seems to subscribe to this interpretation of the world, as his"review" of Godfather 2 is entirely fixated on the presence of nudity--he spends three sentences evaluating the game outside of his boob-induced outrage. Three sentences.
I imagine this hard-hitting commentary was very hard to write for Don, what with him coming down with "the vapors" so often.
Specifically, Don has two problems with Godfather II's boobies: A.) the original film didn't have any nudity, and B.) he's outraged that breasts could even appear in an M-Rated game. Let's take a look at the first issue:
Earlier this week, I contacted The Godfather II developer, Electronic Arts, with questions about the game's depictions of nudity. I tried multiple times to have my questions answered. After three days of waiting, I received a simple response to a not so simple issue.
"Nudity fits with the fiction, tone and style of the game we created," an EA spokesperson said. "It is part of the team's creative vision. The game is rated M for Mature."
But there's a problem with that response. The Godfather II, the movie, has no nudity in it. Considering the game is supposed to be based on that film, I don't understand why nudity was part "of the team's creative vision." Wasn't the team supposed to follow the movie's creative vision?
Translation: "Hi, my name is Don. I am a pedantic moron. You may not be aware, but I have just given you the green light to ignore me."
And here he splits hairs over the distinction between a Mature and an Adults Only-rated game:
There's just one problem: only the Adults Only rating makes mention of nudity. According to the ESRB's ratings, Adults Only games include "prolonged scenes of intense violence and/or graphic sexual content and nudity." Sound familiar? The Mature rating is defined by the ESRB as "intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language."
[After a reasonable ESRB response]...I don't buy it. I don't see any justification for The Godfather II's Mature rating if we follow the ESRB's plainly stated ratings parameters. The Godfather II should have been rated AO, according to the ESRB's definitions.
Even if the nudity in Godfather II is gratuitous, Don's issue with the game indicates an opinion that can be applied more broadly. Based on what he writes, it seems as if any game that dares to show a breast (or nudity in general) should be given the ESRB's Adults Only rating--AKA retail death--in Don Reisinger's enchanted, sugarplum world. But why? Outside of the cultural baggage Don is schlepping around, there's no real reason nudity alone should merit the Scarlet Letter of the ESRB. Seeing boobies--polygonal boobies, mind you--should not be cause for concern, and every time some idiot has has a nervous breakdown over mature content in a game specifically made for adults, the industry takes a step back when it comes to what's considered "appropriate" content for a video game. And we all get just a little bit dumber.
I assume no one has told Don Reisinger about the visible penis in the GTA4 expansion pack The Lost and the Damned, and that's probably for the best; I imagine that Don's fear of the human body is so intense that he has to pee with the lights off. You probably shouldn't ask to use his bathroom the next time you visit.
Related Links:
How Much Simpler Do ESRB Ratings Need To Get?
Editors, Where Are Your Manners?
Puerile Pure: Disney Racer’s Profanity Revealed