Register Now!

Date Machine

Date Machine: Surprise!!! I'm pregnant!

Posted by airheadgenius

 

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I remember countless times waiting nervously for my period. Safe-ish sex being the cause for worry. And then I became a serial monogamist and I didn't worry about it too much for the next decade or so. The pill has many drawbacks, but anxiety about pregnancy isn't one of them.

These days I really really really don't want to be pregnant. But the super safe contraceptive methods aren't an option for me. The pill has some serious side effects for chicks my age - for example, deep vein thrombosis isn't a look I am going for this winter. And anything with hormones makes me crazy (er) anyway.
But condoms are just not that reassuring to me. Every month I anxiously await my period, like I did 20 years ago. And I don't like the feeling.

Back then, I *knew* that I would terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Luckily I never had to make that decision or have my personal philosophy tested.
Since then I've had 2 pregnancies and 2 kids and now my feelings about a termination aren't quite the same.

I guess I am in that grey area where it's highly unlikely that I will have more kids, but I can't bring myself to go the tubal ligation route. I mean, what if I fall madly in love in 2009 and just have to have another child??? Hey, anything is possible. Chances are, I am not very fertile - I am 41 after all - but in February of 2003, I got pregnant by having sex once. The odds of my ex and I being in the same bed at the same time that I was ovulating were pretty slim, but sometimes fate takes a hand it seems. It would be fabulous if one could have sex 97 times and then take extra care that last 3, but life ain't like that huh?

So that's me and my fertility.
And now here's the bit I want thoughts on...

What if???
What if you are in a STR or a friends with benefits situation and you/she gets pregnant. What would you do?
I mean, what do you THINK you'd do?
Offer to fund the termination?
Agree to raise the child jointly, but separately?
Agree that one or the other of you would raise the child solely?
Run like hell???
Is anyone hoping for a happy accident?
(will anyone publicly post their thoughts on this???)

Does anyone "do the right thing" these days? By that, I mean does anyone get married and make a relationship happen because there's a child involved?
Would you? (Disclaimer: this is not a commentary as to whether this is "the right thing". I am just using what used to be an accepted term for the practise)

  

 

The obligatory back catalogue:
Dogs and Dating
Erectile Dysfunction
Daddy's Girl
I need a Frenchman
What I want
The Fart Edition
Fisting and small snatches
How bloggers date
Did he die?
Je t'adore
Zeitgeisty's Behaviour
Rate my Profile
My kink is better than your kink
The good the bad and the ugly
I am a whore
First Date sex?
Small Juicy Ones
The Perfect Blowjob
What is a boyfriend
Friends with Benefits
Real Women
Another quick pull out
Lesbian Lovers Come Out
Digits
Asymmetrical Knobbage
Cunning Linguist
Cunnilingus
Fabulous at 40
Winehouse Reveals
The Chick Facial File
Mirrors
Confession plus Daily Knob!
Abusive?
Celebrity Confessions: Boy George
Dick Trilogy Part 3
MORE dicks in my inbox
Dicks in your inbox
Read my Sodding Profile!
Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes
The Queen Confesses
The Arse Man Cometh
The Ass Play Chronicles
The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection
Bangin Ass
Deformed Dicks
Did I really dream that?
Why I don't date Celebrities
Fashionably late or just a slacker

 

 So I like the way young men look. Get over it.

Lewis Hamilton

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Nov 02 2008, 09:29 AM
Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments

airheadgenius said:

In case it is not abundantly clear, I am not pregnant. Didn't want to give anyone a heart attack.

November 2, 2008 12:58 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

I would probably just fall down and die.  

November 2, 2008 1:36 PM

profrobert said:

Well, back in the day, it would have depended on the nature of the FWB relationship.  I *probably* would have counseled termination, but it would have depended on with whom and at what point.  However, at the end of the day, it would be her choice, not mine.

FWIW, don't kid yourself -- my wife was your age when she got pregnant, and it was the first time we were trying (as opposed to the previous month, when we were not trying not to, if you get the difference).  A suggestion that might help your peace of mind:  Try Clear Blue Easy's ovulation predictor and avoid intercourse (even with a condom) if you get a positive hit (we did the reverse and got our son out of it).

November 2, 2008 3:51 PM

breathing_in said:

I’ve dated women who happened to mention, post-coitus, that if they were pregnant, they’d have the child.  I don’t think I’d have a choice about the pregnancy, regardless of what I wanted.  But marriage?  I’m a product of divorced parents and know the trauma of being around people who don’t like each other.  Could obligation mitigate a lack of love, or make up for it?  I’m sure there are people who have gotten married only because of a pregnancy, and I’ve certainly read about it in science fiction, but can it make for a happy home?  I think, with my habituated independence, and divorced parents behind me, it would be a better household without me if I wasn’t in love.  

But it’s not an easy answer, certainly wouldn’t be an easy decision, and I don’t like the idea of hiding behind a greater-for-all argument, just as I don’t like the idea of being forced into a relationship.

I think about unprotected sex the next morning with the same head slapping motion that I use from regretting too many drugs, too much drink, or too loud music; certainly that has to bode poorly for a strong relationship in the future.

November 2, 2008 8:58 PM

fishnetsandlight said:

The pill sucks sucks SUCKS. I get that it's a wonderful idea and carries weight from a feminist perspective, but good god, when are they going to make it something I'd actually want to take?

Though I guess aching boobs, water retention and moodiness ARE pretty good ways to ensure that I don't get laid.

November 3, 2008 7:56 AM

spjv840 said:

Hate the pill and refuse to take it. I turned into a psycho on it, literally. I definitely recommend IUD's for anyone who hates the pill. That's what I have and I have no complaints (except for the week of feeling like I'm pregnant complete with crying jags and sore boobs, oh yeah and the death cramps, but other than that, love it hah)

Now excuse me while I go pee on a stick.

November 3, 2008 9:17 AM

askmeanything said:

Yeah, airheadgenuis, IUDs might be an option for you to discuss with your Gyn if you want longterm birth control without being on the pill.  It's the method most female Ob-gyns use.  You can either do copper (ParaGard, no hormones) or progesterone-only (Mirena, estrogen is the blood clot culprit not progesterone) and they both last for years.

In any of my early relationships, I definitely would have terminated.  In my current relationship, I'm not so sure - we are planning to get engaged in the near future and we both want children, although the timing is bad right now.  I'd probably keep a pregnancy but I'd discuss it with my SO before reaching a decision.

I absolutely support a right to choose and have no moral qualms with someone getting an abortion for whatever reason.  For me, though, now that I am a bit older (late 20s) and more "settled" I would be more willing to just make a go of it.  

Of course, being as Type A as I am, I'd much prefer to plan a pregnancy so I can take prenatal vitamins and stop drinking and all that beforehand - most of those things are most important before you even know you are pregnant (especially the vitamins bit - folic acid deficiency is common and can lead to paralysis or other spinal cord problems).

November 3, 2008 12:25 PM

airheadgenius said:

recycled - you'd fall down and die if I were pregnant or if you were pregnant? The Royal you (we) that is.

prof - I already know exactly when I am ovulating. This is a time that I cannot abstain from sex since it's my horniest of the month.  Biological imperative is a beautiful thing.

breathing - I think in this culture of casual dating, it would not make for a happy home to be "forced" into a relationship, however I know of a surprise pregnancy that resulted in the couple re-establishing the relationship. They had just broken up. Now, they have 3 kids, the oldest is 17 and they are as happy as clams. There is a lot of be said for making the best of it.

November 3, 2008 12:57 PM

airheadgenius said:

fishnets - the pill is THE perfect birth control in that once a woman is on it, she no longer wants to have sex! Diminished sex drive from the pill has to be one of the biggest ironies of all time.

spjv - peeing on a stick??? Do I feel a confession coming on?

askme - been there and done that. I am the only woman on the planet that could feel the darn thing when it was in. It was AWFUL! And yes I had it checked.

I absolutely agree that a woman has the right to choose, however I think (IMHO) that a pregnancy after one has had children would feel very different to one before. I sincerely hope to never have to make the decision.

November 3, 2008 1:02 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Ha!  I really need to make myself more clear.  I'm too old to start over, though most of the people that I say that to scoff.  The thought of being in my 60s with a teenager... oooooh no way.

November 3, 2008 6:34 PM

shakti_vos said:

if the father were very rich and able to take care of us (and my 4 year old to boot) then, yeah, i'd have the little bugger.  i'm not as convinced as you are about being out of childbearing age (and i'm older than you), that is why i use an IUD.  if it were to happen, it would have to happen soon, i have absolutely no intention of running after a toddler when i'm 50.  

November 8, 2008 10:53 PM

ABOUT THE BLOG

DATE MACHINE explores the triumphs and tragedies of your dating confessions. Look here for commentary, dating advice, and our own salacious (or ridiculous) dating stories.

Hooksexup Pesronals

in