I'll reach for my wallet but the guy should always pick up the tab on the 1st date. Alternating rounds for drinks is fine, and if a date is my idea I'm happy to pay for everything (going to a show for example). Dutch on the first date, or, worse, a date with some excuse of I Don't Get Paid Until insures that there won't be a second date. I'd rather just take care of it myself than go dutch; dutch feels so measly to me. So if I'm out with a girl insist on paying for everything and love fighting over who gets to sign the tab.

I really like gender roles; it's an embarrassment to my good feminist upbringing. In my defense, I spend a lot on primping and I like to give expensive presents.

I don't believe on many hard fast rules for anything, but I was raised to believe a man should pay.  When I was first dating though, times were different and though I always insisted, I was often rebuffed.  Women insisted on splitting the tab... but times were different then.  We were all working for more or less the same minimum and had the same expenses.  Women would often say they preferred to cover their own way.

that was then and this is now.

Most of the women I've dated with children are the primary custodial parent.  Odds are they've already taken the leap of faith and are paying through the nose to sit across the table from me... and in online dating that is a leap of faith because they're putting out the dough for a blind date.  It's downright rude for a man, or a woman, to not recognize that.  Just rude.  

And even babysitting aside... especially for early dates... picking up the tab is just a gesture that says, "Hey, thanks so much.  It was so nice of you..." and so on.  I think sincere gestures are important.  

The only "should" I subscribe to is that whoever asks for the first date should pay. (Which may or may not be related to my personal rule against asking men out.) After that, it's about reaching an understanding that makes both people comfortable.

Personally, I expect to have my meals and booze paid for. At least while I'm young and cute.

on a date, if the first stop is dinner/drinks, then my date pays.  i expect it and they should expect nothing, but my charming company in return.  if we make a second stop for drinks, then i'll buy that round.  and i do have babysitting expenses, so i'm already out.

i'm a man, and i definitely prefer to pay for most if not all of a date. post-modern gender roles are for the workplace, the legal system, etc. if i'm in a position where i can't pay, i won't be on a date because my man-pride won't let me. women who argue extensively over the check and insist on paying i most likely will not see again.

btw, thanks for the heads up on the burden of babysitting expenditure. i'm childless and so largely oblivious to what parents (especially single ones) go through.

In a perfect world, everything would be shared equally from Date One, but we don't live in a perfect world.  My preference for first dates was a meal, not just a drink (I can spend an hour having an interesting conversation with almost anyone), and I usually assumed that I was in as good or better a financial position as my date, so I could bear the cost.  If we hit it off, I'd hope she'd buy us an after-dinner drink or dessert, but that wasn't a requirement for a second date.  However, if we get to three or four dates, and she's *never* reached for a check for *anything* -- then my takeaway is that she's a schnorrer, and it's time for me to move on.

I agree that the first check, be it drinks or dinner or both, should be paid by the one who's asked for the date. Afterwards paying alternating rounds sounds sensible as well. Only thing I'd add is, it's very possible the man has also had to pay for a babysitter at his end - this is not gender-exclusive. Comes down to being sensitive to the other person's situation I guess...

Honestly, I think the answer is "it depends". If the guy clearly makes more money, he should at the very least offer to pay. But I was always more comfortable going dutch, especially in the early stages of a relationship, so there was no suggestion of him being "owed" anything. I like the "I'll get dinner/you get drinks or dessert or the tip" idea better than both looking at the bill and dividing it precisely in half, though.

The man should pay.  I once had a sexy boy who insisted on going Dutch each time.  His overt charm conned me in the beginning, but I soon grew resentful.  On our fifth date, I gave him half a blow job, then suggested he finish himself off to keep it Dutch.  I repeat:  the man should pay.  

Fuck "The man should pay" bullshit.. Why?  Who says?  

Bunch of fucking stingy cheap women here.. who think WAY too much of themselves...

Mr. Z, skinflints need not apply.  A cheap date can aim his sad little sputter in my direction as I'm walking away but I am already on to the next conquest.  To come on my face, one would have to maintain my interest.  

...not to mention eye contact and something worth looking at.

To elaborate on what I said earlier, he should pay for the 1st date and all subsequent dates. But let me pay if I feel like flexing my wallet. And I will pay for her initially but will expect her to insist on going dutch after a while.

I think the man should pay for the first date. I'm independent, have my own business and a good income behind it, but something about splitting the bill on the first date doesn't sit right. For me, it makes me feel feminine and attractive when the man pays on the first date.

After that, I like to alternate paying for dates. It's only fair.

The worst turn-off is if I offer to split the bill on the first date, and the guy accepts. I know it's not going to work out well with that date.

en.wikipedia.org/.../Schnorrer_(Yiddish) (I'm making great strides teaching my English-Catholic wife Yiddishisms, too.)

take it from someone who has sat on both sides of the table. Listen up bitches dont demand the man pay, demand equal pay. By excepting that tired cliche of let the man pay your accepting lower wages. if you need to think about that then get back to me. bottom line is you should all pay your share based on your income not your expenses. I make twice what you do but oh I cant pay because I gots my big condo payment and you only gots yo little rent to pay. so you should pay mo! say what, We should all pay based on what we earn, if I earn three times what you do then I'll pay two out of three times we go out, When I'm wit my girl firend I pay most of the time cause she's works at target, but when I'm wit my man he pays almost every time because he makes the big money, know what I'm say'n.  If you gots some big investment tied yo moneys up then you best just be ordering a couple #4's at Nathans. Babys included in big investment, when we in the old folks home and I'm in the basement broom closet because I was paying all the checks and you in a deluxe suite on the third flo becasue you children hooked you up, ask them children of yours if they can bring me some flowers on mama's day.

What! A house! you own a house, and you don't want to dutch, I hope your dateing in the top 1%.  I,m renting so If I pay don't forget me when you sell, if I,m gonna be helping out with your investment and all