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The Worst Voice Acting You Will Ever Hear, Guaranteed

Posted by Nadia Oxford

I have a certain attachment to atrocious video game voice acting, so I'm ashamed of myself for bypassing the exceptionally bad chatter in O3's Chaos Wars until something like ten minutes ago. There has never been anything quite this bad in the realm of voice acting, and if God truly loves His Creation, there never will be again.

Oh sure, we can groan over "Jill Sandwich" and "WHAT AM I FIGHTING 4RRRRRRRR?????" (note the Pee-Wee Herman scream at the very end.) But even Resident Evil and Mega Man X4 had excuses: it was 1998 (or somewhere thereabouts), voice acting in video games was a Brave New World, and, more often than not, the "English" voice actors were actually Japanese people with a moderate grasp on English. If I were to offer a Japanese voice-over for an American-made game, we'd end up with a character whose commentary on the flaming destruction of his hometown wouldn't go far beyond, "Kawaii desu! Baka neko! Boku no Sexual Harassment!"

Chaos War has no excuse. It was produced in 2006 for the Playstation 2. And though my sinking gut wishes otherwise, its voice actors are clearly native English speakers. For this, someone needs to be pushed up against the wall and beaten with a yaoi paddle.

That YouTube link is only the beginning. Audio Atrocities features a delightful gallery of Chaos War-related torment. We must always remember, so this will never happen again.

Related Links:

Mother 3 Translation: We're Not Worthy!
FMV Hell: Lunar The Silver Star
Final Fantasy VI: Love, Hope and Betrayal for the Busy Commuter


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Demaar said:

It truly is the worst voice acting ever, even without giving Mega Man X4 and RE the excuses they have, even ignoring that the voices don't match up to the characters. These people just plain don't know how to act.

Seriously, I've know/knew kids with more acting ability.

September 8, 2008 11:27 PM

Bob Mackey said:

Some of those voice actors sound violently gay, in the non-pejorative homosexual sense.

September 9, 2008 12:44 AM

Ian said:

The hillarious (or sad part, depending on which way you take it) is that, in all seriousness, the producer had HIS FAMILY do the english voice overs for this game.  I could just see the kid who did Uru's voice going to school, and having people say to him with a lisp, "No, it's great...I really can't move my body." :P

September 10, 2008 12:23 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

The producer must've done something really bad at the last Thanksgiving get-together, because wow, his family sure does hate him and his work.

September 10, 2008 2:36 PM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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