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Actraiser Is Overdue for a Resurrection

Posted by Nadia Oxford

We live in an age where game developers see fit to upgrade old classics. Some gamers think they've gone to hell for their sins, but I think we're chin-deep in good times. If nothing else, I can hold on to a slim hope that Square-Enix will revise Actraiser for modern consoles and put it up for sale on XLBA or WiiWare.

Why Actraiser? Good God, why the hell not. I was playing it just last month (my husband had never seen it) and it was such a comfortable, refreshing experience. The frequent switches between action stages and the development of civilisation keep any one thing about the game from getting stale. The graphics are good—that ice wyvern boss is still impressive—and the music is sublime.

Also, you are God. Take that, '90s furry mascots of the game world.

The basic concepts of Actraiser are fun to work through, and they're ripe for adding-onto. Most obviously, there should be more chaotic worlds to cultivate: beat up the monsters with sharp sticks and send them packing so that humans may till the soil. Beyond that, more control over the growth of the cities would be ideal, though admittedly there's something pleasantly uncomplicated about directing the people of Actraiser. Their wild sex orgies and subsequent population growth are merely a means to pump up God's power, but I'd still like to zoom in on one particular mortal, coddle him, praise him, them crush him like Job.

Some gameplay tweaks wouldn't be amiss, either. For someone who's supposed to know everything about human physiology, God is a pretty clunky guy. He holds his sword like a baseball bat and swings like a girl. Nobody corrects his stance though, because you generally don't want to contradict a being who can cast you into an eternal furnace.

God should also be louder, angrier, and have access to a time machine.

Actually, if a remake was ever considered for Actraiser, one rule would make it a success: “Do the opposite of everything Actraiser 2 tried to do.”

Related Links:

Actraiser III! Maybe!
OST: Soulblazer
Let The Mega Man 9 Speedruns Continue


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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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