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Sex Machine: I've never...done that

Posted by spjv840

 

A friend and I, when we're bored at work, sometimes play a game via e-mail where we list things we've never done sexually, such as "I"ve never...been beaten by a banana while getting laid standing on my head" and she'll retort with "I've never...blown a guy while getting my asscrack licked". Things like that. It passes the time.

While there are a lot of things I have done, there are a number of things I've never done. Thankfully, I'm not as vanilla as some people I won't mention,

- I've never had a threesome. While sometimes the fantasy is hot, I know in actuality it probably is not as hot as they make it look in movies. In fact, I know from personal accounts that, for the most part, it's better left as a fantasy. If physically it goes well, than there will probably be some kind of emotional mix-in that will ruin something. My ultimate fantasy threesome? Myself, the cute blonde girl from the bookstore and Keira Knightley with her Domino look.

- I've never done anything nasty that involves pee or poo. And I'd like to keep it that way. I don't know if people actually do this outside of horrible German porn. If you do it, or are into in any way, contact me. I'd like to interview you for a future article.

- I've never used food as a form of sex play. Unless whipped cream counts. I remember the first time a man licked Cool Whip from my nipples - it was a lot stickier than I had imagined. I don't think this counts, however, since technically, whipped cream is not food.

- I've never done the role-play thing. I don't actually get that whole dress up as a naughty nurse or school girl gimmick while the big bad doctor or teacher slaps my ass with a ruler. You don't need a ruler to slap my ass.

- I've never had sex on an airplane, which is something I would like to change. I have, however, had a party for one on a semi-empty flight coming back from Hawaii. The air pressure really intensifies those orgasms.

- I've never had sex in a moving car. This is something I'd like to do, preferably while the person I'm having sex with is driving. What movie did I see that in?

- I've never had sex with an audience, nor been videotaped (to my knowledge, ha). The idea of an audience is somewhat stimulating, but, for the most part, I wouldn't want an audience during sex.

- I've never watched porn to get into the mood to have sex. Pretty self-explanatory.

- I have never had sex in a church, but holy christ, do I ever want to do this one day.

Ok, I'm running of "I've never"'s. Feel free to share your list below!

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Comments

leonardo1976 said:

This goes to show what a loser I can be!  There is a very hot scene on "Revenge" from 1990 with (don't laugh) Kevin Costner and the lovely Madeleine Stowe.  He's driving a Jeep, she gets on top of him and one of the most iconic cinema images for a teenager was born.

And yes, now I have a Jeep, and no, I havent had the Kevin Costner balls to go for it on the LIE

October 7, 2008 9:20 AM

PO said:

Probably the movie you're remembering is the sickeningly awful "The Chase" with Charlie Sheen and I think Kristy Swanson?

October 7, 2008 5:34 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

My never list would be pretty short.  It pretty much begins and ends with the german porn scenario you mentioned.  

Public sex certainly though the last time was by accident.  It was about 3 in the morning.  We were going at it on the balcony of a hotel in Cozumel and I guess we were making more noise than I thought.  About halfway through we noticed there was a couple on another balcony watching.  We got into it but when we finished we got applause from about a dozen other people who were watching from other balconies and windows.  There were some funny comments the next day in the hotel bar.  Oops...

October 7, 2008 7:09 PM

anathema_teatime said:

I have a lot of friends who are into the pee thing. I never quite got it, but then I mentioned to my boyfriend that I was curious. We were in the shower together, and he asked if I was still curious. I said sure, and I knelt down while he peed on me in the shower. It was oddly fun. Not really sure why. Maybe a sort of little kid thing of playing with pee, maybe that I really do love the cock just about any way, and kneeling and looking at it as he peed (not on my face, just fyi) was a new way to appreciate it. And I dunno, it's really warm and feels interesting in the shower. Not exactly a major turn-on, but sort of interesting. Worth trying again just out of curiosity.

(Poo? No. Never. I like anal sex way too much to fetishize poo . . . it's the enemy of a good butt-fucking . . .)

October 7, 2008 10:31 PM

spjv840 said:

Well, anathema_teatime, you definitely made me change my mind about the pee thing. It was probably oddly fun because it was new and not really something people talk about, whether they like it or not, so I can definitely see how it was oddly fun.

Thanks for sharing, all!

PO, I never saw that movie, though you aren't the first person to say how bad it was. I might have to put in on my "to-watch" list, just for that reason alone.

October 8, 2008 7:54 AM

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