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Date Machine

Date Machine: Mirrors, plus The Daily Knob

Posted by airheadgenius

Apropos of nothing in particular:



I have this long mirror in my bedroom and it's got a slight warp in it. Not fairground bendy, but sufficient that it elongates me just a tad and makes me look thinner.

I love that mirror more than words can say.

From now on in, I am taking that mirror on dates with me. I will stand in front of it and my date can stand behind me and look over my shoulder at the reflected slightly thinner and taller me.

Irresistible.

If the first date, or subsequent ones, go well, we can have sex in front of it and I will blinker him so his only view is of reflected me. Real me can sit back and smirk at my power.

A couple years down the line, I will put the mirror on wheels and it can accompany me down the aisle. At that point, real me can be born again and reflected me will be a distant dream in my new husbands memory. I will sign a pre-nup just in case.

The end.

 

 

Without further ado, here's my Daily Knob. 

 

 (I ripped Daily Knob off Zeitgeisty's Daily Throb obviously. You can choose if you prefer the first or second generation product)

Andre 3000

What I would do with this man would make a tart blush. Enjoy ladies. Try not to drool. Sit on a napkin or something...

 

 Oh, and the genius archives: 

Confession plus Daily Knob! Abusive? Celebrity Confessions: Boy George Dick Trilogy Part 3 MORE dicks in my inbox Dicks in your inbox Read my Sodding Profile! Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes The Queen Confesses The Arse Man Cometh The Ass Play Chronicles The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection Bangin Ass Deformed Dicks Did I really dream that? Why I don't date Celebrities Fashionably late or just a slacker
+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Sep 12 2008, 06:16 PM
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Comments

spjv840 said:

Oh Andre, lend me some sugar!

September 12, 2008 11:06 PM

Toluca_86 said:

I LOVE Andre 3000!

September 13, 2008 12:22 AM

Toluca_86 said:

Also for the record, I'm tall and thin and I have /yet/ to feel that it actually gives any real advantage in the "dating game".  There're plenty of guys who prefer 'em short and curvy.

September 13, 2008 12:24 AM

recycledbrooklyn said:

I've never met a tall woman who said that height was anything but a disadvantage in dating.  Then again, New York City is not a very tall place.  I'm often one of the tallest people on the subway in the morning and I'm only 6'2".  

The tallest woman I've ever been involved with was 5'7" and that hasn't been by any conscious choice.  It just seems to have worked out that way.  And I've always heard tall women complaining that the short girls always get the tall guys.  Looking around there might be some truth to that.

Out at a work function recently I danced with a co-worker who is 6' and it was kind of an eye opener.  Mismatched heights, I realized, have made for years of awkward scenes on the dance floor.  I'm not as big a clod as I thought I was! (not that I'm exactly Gene Kelly either!)

September 13, 2008 7:24 AM

shakti_vos said:

i love a skinny mirror.  in fact, whenever i catch site of myself in a mirror that's not a skinny mirror, i think "this is a fat mirror."  it's easier to think that than to admit to myself that it's probably closer to the truth.

and, mmmmm, Andre 3000, yummy.

September 13, 2008 10:19 PM

venusinfurrrs said:

I love my skinny mirror. But be wary of clothing stores with skinny mirrors!

September 15, 2008 3:07 PM

airheadgenius said:

spjv & toluca - get in line ladies!

toluca - agreed. And I don't usually complain about my appearance, but I just took an 8 week vacation and spent most of it over indulging. Normal service will be resumed now I am back in Brooklyn and not shoving food in me gob.

recycled - I almost always get the tall guys. Added comedic value when out on dates.

September 15, 2008 9:47 PM

airheadgenius said:

shakti - I have noticed that there are an awful lot of fat mirrors about recently. What's up with that??? And, to cap it all, there's a plethora of "weirdly making hair go wrong" mirrors too. It's a problem.

venus - yes indeed! There's a link somewhere in my post about that very thing. Marks and Spencers - a great British clothing institution - apparently have been banboozling women with that trick.

September 15, 2008 9:50 PM

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