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• Picking Chrono Trigger Clean

  Mackey just reminded me of something. Well, Mackey reminds me of a lot of things, primarily of when I was a sexy leopardess who drove across Canada, solving cold murder cases. Let's keep this in the context of games, though. Mackey's post reminded me of a different age of gaming, when we used to pull apart games like so much shredded pork in hopes of squeezing just ten more minutes of gameplay from the battered cartridge. Oh, to find one more secret. Oh, to tie up that loose end. The Internet in 1995 was polluted with gaming "secrets" like the exact rain dance you needed to perform in order to resurrect General Leo in Final Fantasy VI. And Schala could be revived in Chrono Trigger, of course. All you had to do was the hokey pokey while waving a chicken over your head. I performed a lot of these crazy rituals. I was desperate to find Schala. I thought the key lay in the Last Village--more specifically, in Janus' chatty purple cat, Alfador. I thought Alfador could lead me to the answers. He didn't, and I was very sad. Why were we so desperate to make these connections back then? Read More... Posted Dec 05 2008, 08:00 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo ds, snes, chrono trigger, retro, chrono cross, 16-bit, nostalgia, nadia oxford, chrono trigger ds

• OST: The Great Mitsuda Music Heist

  Charles Caleb Colton once said "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," but it's important to remember that he coined this aphorism far before the invention of modern copyright laws and Japanese RPGs.  That being said, Breath of Fire III composers Akari Kaida and Yoshino Aoki must've had Chrono Trigger composer Yasunori Mistuda dead in the sights of their flattery gun (it shoots flattery, you see) while composing at least one of the tracks of Capcom's long-running RPG franchise; the similarity between the piece in question and one of Mitsuda's own is unmistakable. If you're wondering why I've kept this news to myself for over a decade, here are some answers: A.) Chrono Trigger DS is out, so this is semi-relevant, and B.) The existence of YouTube means it's finally easy for the lazy (i.e., me) to easily provide such a comparison.  Square-Enix, when the lawsuit is over, I'll gladly take a generous "legal consultant fee." Anyway, here are the songs in question: "Secret of the Forest," composed in 1995: "Forest Theme," composed in 1997: Shocking, I know. Read More... Posted Dec 05 2008, 05:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: ost, music, chrono trigger, yasunori mitsuda, chrono trigger ds, breath of fire

• The Best Chrono Trigger Ending

  In case you didn't know, the new DS port of Chrono Trigger has a brand spankin' new ending; but, as is the case with most of the game's endings, it isn't too much to get excited about. This new ending does kinda tie up the whole Magus-Schala thread, but after Chrono Cross, we learned that this plot wasn't necessarily worth tying up--at least, not in the terms of Cross' convoluted story.  Once I tried reading an FAQ to figure out just what the hell happened, and the entire left side of my body shut down for a few days. It may seem like sacrilege to diss the endings of Trigger, but most of them are essentially little goofy puppet show vignettes; though my opinion could be coming from the fact that I suffered through the PSX port to view most of them.  However, there are a few I genuinely like.  And my favorite is the sickest one of all: Yes, we have inter-species love far before Sonic 2006, and also the revelation that Queene Leene is into some sick, sick shit.  I wonder, what happened on their wedding night when the unholy union between man and beast took place?  Need to consult some fan-fiction.  Be back in a jiffy. Read More... Posted Dec 04 2008, 01:30 PM by Bob Mackey with | with no comments Filed under: chrono trigger, chrono cross, bob mackey, chrono trigger ds, bestiality

• China Trigger

  Most of you out there are probably playing Chrono Trigger DS--or at least you should be. I have to admit that I'm a total hypocrite, though; if I do play through Chrono Trigger again, it's not going to be for a while.  Listen, when you suffer through hours upon hours of Chrono's abysmal PSX port to unlock some pretty pedestrian bonus content, you need to take a little break.  I'll be at the five year mark around springtime, so please look forward to my coverage of Chrono Trigger DS in April 2009. Believe it or not, there are versions of Chrono far worse than the PSX port, which was like playing a beloved RPG while immersed in quicksand. Our industrious friends in China actually produced their own pirate Famicom version of the game, as they've done in the past with many other games that have no business being on an 8-bit platform.  Maybe this video will show you why: Diagnosis: adorable--in a "broken toy on a thrift store shelf" sort of way. Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 02:45 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: chrono trigger, square-enix, piracy, bob mackey, chrono trigger ds, bootleg

• WTFriday: The Chrono Trigger Anime

  Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week. We're all excited about Chrono Trigger again--and why shouldn't we be? This November, we'll finally have the chance to pay $40 for a game we could've plunked down $70 for back in 1995. I'm such an unabashed Trigger fan that I actually unlocked all of the bonus content on the terrible PSX port of the game. Hey, it was new, and it was Chrono Trigger, so I was all over it. So when the Chrono Trigger anime surfaced just a handful of years ago, of course I wanted to see it. It felt like some sort of crime that an animated version of one of my favorite games could be made and hidden from the world for so long. Only after watching it did I learn that the real crime was the making of the Chrono Trigger anime. But you don't have to take my word for it: Insightful criticism after the cut. Read More... Posted Oct 17 2008, 10:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: snes, rpg, chrono trigger, square, anime, bob mackey, wtfriday, chrono trigger ds

• The Monkey's Paw of Pre-Order Bonuses?

  And now, a conversation between me and the Internet: Internet: Hey, Bob; Chrono Trigger is coming out for the DS! Bob: That's good. Internet: But it's just a port with no major additions that will cost 40 dollars. Bob: That's bad. Internet: But you reserve it at GameStop, you get a free CD soundtrack! Bob: That's good. Internet: The bonus CD only has two songs. Bob: Can I go now? Read More... Posted Sep 30 2008, 08:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: pre-order bonuses, soundtrack, chrono trigger ds

• The End of Time and the Beginning of Fan Drama

  Recent videos of Chrono Trigger DS reveal the same game we aspired to marry thirteen years ago (has it been thirteen years? Holy crap, I could've done something useful like rear a thankless teenager) but the sharp among us have noticed...ch-ch-changes. Specifically, it looks like the in-game text has been altered a bit. This means it's possible Chrono Trigger DS will be receiving the Final Fantasy VI Advance treatment. This treatment, by definition, aspires to keep the charm of Ted Woolsey's original translation, but will still fill out text that had to be cut because of space issues or censorship. Personally, I'm not even sure what can be restored. The blossoming shitstorm has fanned my fascination for The Chrono Trigger Re-Translation Project, a project that's considered about as useless as using an umbrella to deflect a falling piano. Unlike most fan translations, the Chrono Trigger Retranslation Project website doesn't open up with an animated .gif of Woolsey burning at the stake. Regardless, its existence rubs me the wrong way because it's so unnecessary. The Internet is a toilet bowl brimming with Useless, but this little turnpike on the Information Highway really just gets to me. Even though the project managers acknowledge that Woolsey did an okay job translating Chrono Trigger under the circumstances, this little bit of smugness gets under my fingernails: [S]ome essence of the game was lost or altered, given Nintendo of America's censorship standards and the inability of the game to hold all the original text when translated to English. SNES-era RPGs were so gosh darn playable, but I think they also owe some of their longevity to great translation. Final Fantasy VI was dark and brooding and despite Woolsey's best efforts, I sometimes felt like I was out of the loop--and there were instances where the censorship dusted the in-game content as carelessly as kitty litter covers...you know. But Chrono Trigger is a shonen game. A boy versus a great evil. Great story, to be sure, but lacking in depth. And that was okay because the game wasn't trying to be deep. Read More... Posted Sep 12 2008, 07:48 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: final fantasy vi, chrono trigger, fandom, ted woolsey, nadia oxford, fan translations, chrono trigger ds, translators, drama