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  • Henry Hatsworth Prototype Not as Awesome as Final Game, Still Awesome

    A few weeks ago, I saw a trailer for Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure. Then I freaked out. Because it looked fantastic. Last week, Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure came out. Turns out it isn’t fantastic. It is totally fantastic in every possible way there is to be fantastic and sweet.

    Okay, in fairness, I’ve only played the first few levels, so I’m not sure how deep it is or how good it is overall. (Derrick tells me it gets hard near the middle. We’ll see.) From the start, though, the platforming’s methodical and silky smooth, the puzzling simple but oh so satisfying. You already know the music’s great. Its sense of humor is everything the trailer promised as well. Hatsworth is a funny, funny game. I want to tell you about Tea Time in the game, but I also don’t want to ruin it for you. Tea Time made me laugh out loud on a crowded subway. I can, however, show you what the prototype of Tea Time looks like without ruining anything!

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  • OST: Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure

    I've been playing Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure for just under a week now and am utterly stunned by the quality of the product. The art is appropriately vibrant, the story is wonderfully goofy and the gameplay is nostalgically frustrating (seriously, the action is hardcore not unlike Mega Man and Castlevania). Of course, this finely-crafted other-worldly goodness would all be for naught without an accentuated atmospheric soundtrack to tie it all together, and Henry Hatsworth does not skimp in this department either.

    Click on through for three musical tracks from the game!

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  • OST: Big Bang Mini

    I finally completed Big Bang Mini's "Arcade" mode today. The final boss was somewhat of a lifelong dream come true for me, so that was magical, but the part that really impressed me was the entire world preceeding the final boss, Abyss.

    You see, if Big Bang Mini is "about" anything, its shooting off fireworks all around the world, and a major part of the experience of globe-hopping is the complete overhaul of graphics and sound between worlds. The graphics and sound are generally fantastic all around, but it was in Abyss that I would often just stop shooting to sit back and ponder on the sounds surrounding me. Embedded below, the music that accompanies you on your journey underwater:

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  • Video Game Music that "Brings You Back"

    Because I've been playing video games since I started retaining memories (roughly age 3), a disturbing amount of my personal history can be linked to my lifelong hobby. The past, for me, is not defined by important world events, but rather, what I happened to be playing at that moment in time. Case in point: September 11th was the first day I was able to get my hands on the original Advance Wars. Coincidence? I really hope so.

    That being said, going back to Mario Kart 64 (which has aged pretty terribly) recently reminded me how much of my goddamned mid-to-late teenage years were spent playing this game. Let me point out that A.) I didn't own an N64 until said teenage years had passed and B.) I never even owned Mario Kart 64. But just upon hearing one specific song from the game's soundtrack, I'm immediately brought back to my days of teenage nerd solidarity replete with endless pizzas, soda, and other body-destroying substances we used to shield ourselves from the outside world. The funny thing is, back when there were only two Mario Karts in the world, I preferred the SNES one by a pretty big margin. Yet I still distinctly remember accompanying one of my friends to Toys R Us to buy the game nearly 12 years ago, as well as the pizza that was consumed afterwards. I'm honestly surprised that I didn't grow up to be a 400-pound shut-in.

    So what song from Mario Kart 64 whisks me away to the wonderful and awkward world of puberty?

    The answer lies after the cut.

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  • WTFriday: The Splash Woman Rap

    Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

    "Sometimes it's hard to be Splash Woman..."
    - Tammy Wynette, "Stand By Your Mega Man"

    Thanks to the kind folks at Game Music 4 All, I've become obsessed with some of the more creative video game remixes out there, like the Mother mashup I posted about yesterday. The weekly WTFriday falls on something just as awesome, but far more bizarre: an original Mega Man 9 music video featuring a completely-original rap set to Splash Woman's stage music. The lyrics to said rap shine a little more light on the obvious sexual tension between Mega Man and Splash Woman, and also give us a disturbing look into an alternate universe where Sonic Team somehow became responsible for creating Mega Man's music. But rest assured that Knuckles' rapping abilities fall short when compared to this fan-made project.

    Video after the cut.

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  • What's In My MP3 Player: The Mother Mashup

     

    If it wasn't clear by this point, I basically use 61FPS as my platform to talk about the Mother series (known to us Yanks as Earthbound) as much as humanly possible. But because of my professionalism, I'm forced to at least make my Mother chatter relevant; otherwise, I'm sure you'd be reading the 100th or so blog post about why I'm so obsessed with an obscure Japanese RPG series--and I swear I've only made 80 entries on the subject so far.

    That being said, today I bring you exciting--and more importantly--not completely irrelevant--news from the mother fan community. SpamM, a member of the fan music community Earthbound Crew, has just released an awesome 40-minute mashup named Earthbound Zero, which mixes the original Mother soundtrack with some highlights from the history of hip-hop. Unsurprisingly (to me, anyway), Keiichi Suzuki and Hirokazu Tanaka's funky, catchy soundtrack serves as the perfect backbone to music that couldn't possibly be more different. Go here to download it for free, and get ready for a completely unexpected experience.

    Related Links:

    What's in my MP3 Player: Shadow's Theme
    What's in my MP3 Player: Endless Skies
    What's in my MP3 Player: Kindred

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  • The Best of Wintry Video Game Music

    When you live in something called "the snow belt," your tolerance for inclement weather wholly determines your sanity. We've gotten so much of the fluffy white stuff recently that traveling anywhere in my town now involves following a carved-out snow trench to its logical end, all while hoping you don't end up in another state or the fabled Canadas. But even with nature trying to snuff me out under a thick pillow of precipitation, I've gone through most of my life without hating this time of the year; in fact, winter-themed video game levels have always been a favorite of mine, despite their irritating qualities. And for some reason, they always seem to have great music--which I'd like to share with you today.

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  • Bad Games With Good Music: Tales of Legendia

    No one really expected Tales of Legendia to have any redeeming qualities; from the beginning, it was clear this game was going to be a low budget exercise in filling Namco-Bandai's money vault until the next real Tales of game could be released. And Legendia certainly did revel in its lack of budget; not only was the first part of game roughly 25 hours, this installment in the beloved series also featured a second quest that involved replaying most of the game in a new context just to learn more about the characters--who were far from compelling. Even the battle system, the one saving grace of the Tales series, was marred by the constant "Hoo! Hah! Take that!" of the main character, which persisted even after turning off character voices. But even with all of these problems, Legendia can't be completely written off--and its amazing soundtrack by composer Go Shiina is more than proof of that.

    You may be familiar with Shiina's work on the amazing Mr. Driller Drill Land soundtrack, which is undoubtedly the best music ever produced for a puzzle game. His work on Legendia is a little more "RPGish," but Shiina carries a sense of eclecticism to the music that's distinctly his. And once you listen to a few samples, you'll agree that his name really needs to be up there with Mitsuda and Uematsu in the Video Game Composers Hall of Fame that someone has yet to build.

    Kickin' tunes after the cut.

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  • Bad Games With Good Music: Eternal Sonata

    Fun fact: I'm such a video game music nerd that I'll usually slog through the worst of experiences if the tunes happen to tickle my fancy. This should serve to explain why I spend so much time with mediocre titles better left unplayed--and also why I keep the contents of my iTunes library far, far away from people who respect me.  One game this past summer is a perfect example of this phenomenon: Namco's Eternal Sonata, a pretty-yet-underdeveloped JRPG with one of the more embarrassing plots I've ever had to sit through.  Because I've played many Tales of games, I was familiar with composer Motoi Sakuraba's previous work; though most of the time I found his soundtracks to be a little too droning and bombastic for my tastes.  I guess it shouldn't be too shocking to find out that a game about one of history greatest composers would have such a fantastic soundtrack, but I was definitely surprised and highly impressed by Sakuraba's work on Eternal Sonata.  It's kind of a shame that this soundtrack might get overlooked in the future, what with it not being in Sakuraba's top-tier Tales of and Star Ocean soundtracks, but it's definitely worth a listen.

    Here's a little sampler of the music from the first disc of the Eternal Sonata soundtrack. If you'd like to find more, you'll probably get more results by search for the game's Japanese name, Trusty Bell.



    Related Links:

    OST: Mother
    OST: Chrono Cross
    OST: Everyday Shooter

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  • Alternate Soundtrack: Fleet Foxes Meet RPGs

    In trying to give one of my friends a good description of the awesome self-titled Fleet Foxes album, I told him that listening to it was like "wandering through a magical forest with your very own bard."  It's not just my nerdy leanings that inspired the comparison; Fleet Foxes is a strange mix of James Taylor, Brian Wilson, and Yasunori Mitsuda.  In fact, on the multiple holiday car rides I've suffered thus far, I've been known to crank Fleet Foxes and imagine some marvelous new RPG that taps into the power of a band whose music seems tailor-made for the genre--and I don't have a single car accident on my record.

    To prove my point, I've taken one of the albums most RPGish songs, "Hear Them Stirring," and set it to some console RPG footage with my limited video editing skills. Hopefully, you'll see why I'm right.



    And while I in no way get paid to promote Fleet Foxes, it'd be swell if you went and picked up their album for the meager price of five bucks. Thanks in advance.

    Related Links:

    Alternate Soundtrack Redux: Super Street Fighter II vs. The Go! Team

    Alternate Soundtrack: Kirby's Adventure vs. girlsareshort
    Alternate Soundtrack - Donkey Kong '94 vs. Les Savy Fav

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  • OST: The Great Mitsuda Music Heist

    Charles Caleb Colton once said "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," but it's important to remember that he coined this aphorism far before the invention of modern copyright laws and Japanese RPGs.  That being said, Breath of Fire III composers Akari Kaida and Yoshino Aoki must've had Chrono Trigger composer Yasunori Mistuda dead in the sights of their flattery gun (it shoots flattery, you see) while composing at least one of the tracks of Capcom's long-running RPG franchise; the similarity between the piece in question and one of Mitsuda's own is unmistakable.

    If you're wondering why I've kept this news to myself for over a decade, here are some answers: A.) Chrono Trigger DS is out, so this is semi-relevant, and B.) The existence of YouTube means it's finally easy for the lazy (i.e., me) to easily provide such a comparison.  Square-Enix, when the lawsuit is over, I'll gladly take a generous "legal consultant fee."

    Anyway, here are the songs in question:

    "Secret of the Forest," composed in 1995:


    "Forest Theme," composed in 1997:


    Shocking, I know.

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  • OST: de Blob



    A few weeks ago I brought a stack of my favorite Wii games to a friend's house to celebrate her new Wii. Boom Blox and WarioWare: Smooth Moves were crowd pleasers. Super Mario Galaxy delighted and disoriented. Smash Bros. Brawl was an all around hit. When de Blob was popped in, I insisted that we turn off the George Clinton on the stereo to properly enjoy the game and was promptly turned down, so I removed the game. I love me some P. Funk, but de Blob's progressive soundtrack is right up at the top of a long list of reasons to love what is quite possibly the best third-party game Nintendo's little white wunderbox has got, and to play it without listening to what it's got to offer is like trying to enjoy a BLT without the tomato, lettuce or bread. Yeah, bacon's still (really) good on its own, but there's so much more you're missing out on!

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  • OST: Mother

    Everyone knows that Earthbound has some godly music, and we've all recently come to discover that Mother 3 is no slouch in this department, either. But what about the first Mother, AKA Earthbound Zero? Sadly, this is the one game in the trilogy that's almost always overlooked; it may be the least fun to play out of all three Mothers, but the soundtrack by Keiichi Suzuki and Hirokazu Tanaka helped lay the foundation for some of Earthbound's best tracks. American gamers had no idea back in 1995, but the sleepy, heartwarming music of Ness' house is a direct callback to one of the overworld themes of the first Mother; makes sense, given the connection with childhood homes and nostalgia.

    The greatest--and at the same time, strangest--thing about the first Mother is without a doubt its Japan-only (duh) soundtrack.  Instead of putting out the simple NES tunes on a CD, the producers went one step further by creating "complete" versions of Suzuki and Tanaka's songs with full instrumentation and lyrics.  I'm not going to lie; most of these lyrics are pure Velveeta straight out of the late 80s--but at least a native English speaker is singing them.  Embarrassing or not, these songs give us a peek into an alternate universe where Mother was a Disney musical instead of a Japanese 8-bit video game.

    And notably, two of the OST's songs are far more sweeping and epic than any Celine Dion Titanic single could ever be.

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  • ONST: Square-Enix’s Rad Original Non-Soundtracks

    When talking about the good ol’ Square-Enix days, back when most every game they published was either very good or at least interesting, it’s impossible not to note their stable of composers. Nobuo Uematsu, Yasunori Mitsuda, Yoko Shimomura, and a number of other remarkable musicians have received more international acclaim and love from listeners of their videogame soundtracks than most Japanese traditional musicians. You may have noticed that we ourselves have something of a penchant for these composers. It’s rare, however, to hear work by any of them that isn’t related to videogames. There’s Mitsuda’s Kirite, but even Uematsu’s lone solo album, the prog-as-hell Phantasmagoria, closes with an arrangement of Final Fantasy’s “Prologue”. Little did I know that Square-Enix themselves realized their musical masterminds needed broader creative outlets. The Square-Enix Official Bootleg series, launched back in 2006, is comprised of three EPs spotlighting totally original songs by S-E composers and they are uniformly awesome.

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  • Kirite: The Secret Best Yasunori Mitsuda Soundtrack

    I spent a long time bitching and whining about composer Yasunori Mitsuda's (Chrono Trigger, Chrono Cross, Xenogears) lack of presence in current-gen RPGs, only to find out that he's still putting out music, albeit on quite a few games that have yet to make it to the states.  But there's something about his work on the DS--a system he seems pretty comfortable with these days--that feels a bit watered down to me; I eagerly await the day when he pens his next soundtrack for a system that can support the stellar work he did on titles like Chrono Cross and Xenosaga.

    But until then, we'll always have Kirite, Mitsuda's absolutely beautiful orchestrated concept album from 2005.  Square Haven gives a nice description of this amazing album:

    Kirite is a combined effort between Yasunori Mitsuda and Chrono series producer/writer Masato Kato. It adds a musical illustration to the accompanying novel Kato wrote, "Five Seasons of Kirite", which tells the story of a boy named Kirite, and the girl Kotonoha. The music plays out like Mitsuda's other standalone non-game albums such as Sailing to the World, with a gentle introduction comprised mainly of explorations of the album's main theme, followed by an element of mystery and unveiling, then capped by dynamic battle-style pieces and closed off with what amounts to an ending theme. Indeed, the album progresses much like your average videogame soundtrack.

    But really, you don't need to understand Japanese to get the most from Kirite; the music speaks for itself. Here's "The Market In Volfinor," which is one of my favorite songs from the album. Listening to it makes an RPG happen in your brain.



    All in all, Kirite feels like a true successor to Mistuda's Chrono Cross soundtrack, and it's definitely a nice snapshot of what the composer can do.  I shouldn't be spiteful about all the work he's putting out on the DS, but damn it, just listen to Kirite!  This is something we need more of.

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  • You Can't UNhear It: Time's Scar

    It's true; the Chrono Cross soundtrack is one of the most ass-kickingest collections of music to ever exist in our unworthy world. And the pinnacle of said soundtrack--at least, in my opinion--is the opening song, "Time's Scar;" Yasunori Mitsuda's stirring mix of wistfulness with a sense of urgency may be the highest point of his career. That's being said, I've probably heard the song hundreds of times in my life; and because I'm such a big fan of Time's Scar--and anything Mitsuda--something very minor about the recording of the song makes me cringe every time I hear it.

    Crank up your speakers to 11 and wait for the sound at 00:16.



    Did you hear that tiny little thump? It has haunted my dreams for the past decade.

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  • Infinite Mega Man 9: Composer Ippo Yamada Talks Living Up to a Serious Musical Pedigree

    You would think that, two weeks out from its release, we would cool our metaphorical jets and stop talking about Mega Man 9 quite so much here at 61 Frames Per Second. You would be wrong. Dead wrong. So wrong, that after you thought this thought, we would show up at your house, defeat you in single combat, and get your secret weapon to put to our own heroic uses. Probably not, actually. You are a powerful robot master, dear reader. I would need many energy tanks to take you down, but frankly I’m not made of bolts, so defeat’s inevitable. Let us agree, instead, to ride my robot dog into the sunset with one another and continue to discuss the most glorious and improbable creation that is Mega Man 9.

    More specifically, let us discuss its quality collection of crunchy jams, that soundtrack that hops between thematic reference and impressive original melody writing with veritable ease.

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  • OST: DuckTales



    Licensed games have never really worked for me. Somehow having an explicit tie to another medium damages the game's claim to its own reality; the sense of place that makes a game unique is diminished if you know it's just a digital recreation of a film set. Games even seem to lose something when I find out they're based on some obscure manga, even if I'll never read it. This may make me crazy — it's been said before. But in any case, adaptations from the NES era could occasionally circumvent this effect. Maybe it's because the technology of the time had a naturally abstracting effect. You could at least count on a game, whatever the source, to have more architecture than plot — which was good, because if you'd wanted plot, you would've just watched or read whatever the game was based on in the first place.

    Moreover, since pulling music from the source usually wasn't an option, you sometimes (if you were lucky) got a delicious batch of tunes, which always helped give the game a feel of its own. Here I'm thinking of Yoshihiro Sakaguchi's score for DuckTales, probably the best of Capcom's late-'80s Disney adaptations. With the exception of the DuckTales theme — which plays only over the title screen and the ending — the DuckTales score is completely original. And with all due respect to the beloved cartoon, the game soundtrack does a better job suggesting globetrotting adventure and exploration.

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  • OST: Bubble Bobble



    It’s strange how Bubble Bobble, one of the mid-80s’ most bizarre games (which is saying something), has endured over the past couple of decades. Bub and Bob, the young men transformed into bubble-vomiting dinosaurs, have kept their co-operative antics running across almost every console under the sun. They even crossed over into whole other games (read: the totally awesome Bust-A-Move). I don’t think it’s the adorable character designs that have kept these icons in people’s minds. It’s not the novel mechanics, the creepy multiple endings.

    I think it’s this insipid song that plays through the entire god damn game.

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  • OST: Chrono Cross

    Many weeks back, when 61 Frames Per Second was still being molded into what you’re reading now, the OST feature was conceived (at least by me) as nothing more than a venue for talking about Yasunori Mitsuda. Music was the source of my first real emotional engagement with videogames; the frenetic excitement of early Mega Man soundtracks and the somber coda of Mega Man 2’s ending, the desperate minor key of stage 5 in Bionic Commando. These melodies sparked my imagination, created a foothold for my experience with these works beyond the visceral rush of successfully playing them. But it was Mitsuda’s work in Chrono Trigger that made me, for the first time, physically put down the controller just to listen. It was "Guardia Castle", a booming march whose synthesized horns implied fading grandeur more than patriotism. I sat on the floor of my bedroom, eyes closed, and let the song loop for close to twenty minutes.

    Mitsuda gravitates towards the same styles in his game soundtracks, specifically jazz fusion (Chrono Trigger), punctuated baroque symphony orchestration (Chrono Trigger, Xenosaga), and celtic (Xenogears, Tsugunai). But my personal favorite Mitsuda work, the soundtrack to Trigger’s divisive sequel Chrono Cross, is his most adventurous and strange.

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  • Make the Music With Your Games, Kids!

    Written by Derrick Sanskrit

    Yes, I'm paraphrasing Biz Markie in that title. Thanks for noticing.

    It should be obvious to readers of 61FPS that I love games where play and music collide. A personal favorite of mine,  Gunpey DS, is an engaging puzzler, but I would be lying if I said that the primary reason I picked it up wasn't its built-in sequencer (click the bottom-most button on the left hand side of this page to see it. No YouTube vids, somehow.)

    Well, after a year-and-a-half of misuse, it may well soon be time to give up my copy of Gunpey, because Korg DS-10 is coming out soon.

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  • OST: Soul Blazer

    As we've noted before, Kurt Kalata's Hardcore Gaming 101 is an invaluable resource, with thoughtful, graphic-heavy reviews of dozens of underappreciated games. I do have to take issue, though, with one of David DeRienzo's comments on the soundtrack to the poetic SNES classic Soul Blazer. "The dungeons have this crazy '80s synth thing going on. Some of them are slightly catchy, but most are just silly and cheesy to the point of being laughable. I was just waiting for Rick James to start singing during a few of them." Um, and?

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  • OST: Everyday Shooter



    It might be cheating to spotlight Jonathan Mak’s Everyday Shooter in our OST feature. After all, Mak’s guitar instrumentals aren’t used to provide color and tone to Everyday Shooter’s gameplay; they are the gameplay. Yes, Everyday Shooter is a twin-stick shooting game in the tradition of Smash TV and Geometry Wars but it is also, as Mak puts it, an album. Each of the eight songs is a distinct composition the player influences by their actions, whether in success or failure. Survival brings evolving melody while death brings a dissonant clang. The sweet melancholy of “Porco in the Sky”, the vicious roar of “Bits of Fury”; Everyday Shooters' songs endure in the mind beyond play but listening to them, engaging the music itself, demands play. While Mak’s game is often compared to Tetsuya Mizuguchi’s games Rez and Lumines, Mizuguchi’s brand of synesthesetics is still rooted more in gameplay tropes than in musical traditions. Thanks to its structure and adherence to form, Shooter creates a musical expression unique to both games and pop music.

    Hit the jump for a listen and look at "Porco in the Sky", the fourth track on Everyday Shooter.

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  • OST: Rule of Rose

    Horror lives and dies by its ability to create an atmosphere that unsettles the basic human state; it must confine, pursue, and isolate. It must be desperate, wrong. Even more so than in other mediums, sound is essential to horror in games since it must constantly envelope its audience in a way that keeps them moving through the world. A horror movie takes its audience with it but a horror game must rely on its audience’s willingness to keep going of their own accord and its aural landscape must antagonize and sooth a player in equal measure. Music itself typically takes a back seat to ambient noise. Akira Yamaoka is the torch bearer for this genre maxim. His work in the Silent Hill series, while not devoid of melody or traditional song structure, is predominantly dissonant squalls, distortion laden static, and the thick organic sounds of things that go bump in the night. Punchline’s Rule of Rose, a cousin of Silent Hill in the horror genre, takes a decidedly different route in creating a soundscape of dread and wrongness. Incidental sound takes a backseat to Yutaka Minobe’s chamber music score.

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  • OST: Treasure of the Rudras

    OST reviews original soundtracks, arranged albums, remixes, and game related music.

    Everyone hates Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, and despite my nostalgia-warped fondness for the game, I admit it's a pretty lame addition to the series. The 1992 "beginner's RPG" — known insultingly in Japan as Final Fantasy USA — has a parodically generic storyline, preschool gameplay and bland-as-hell graphics. But there's one thing to love about it: the soundtrack. Even Mystic Quest's most fiery detractors tip their hats to Ryuji Sasai's ass-whooping hard-rock score, which pushes the SNES's sound chip to its limits of its metalosity.

    Sasai must've pissed off one of his bosses, because the few games he scored — including Mystic Quest, Final Fantasy Legend III, and our subject for today, Treasure of the Rudras — were all kind of stinkers, by general public consensus. Maybe that contributed to his early exit from the game industry; he's currently playing bass in a Queen tribute band. Treasure of the Rudras never made it over to the U.S., so its soundtrack is even more obscure than Mystic Quest's. But if you've got a yen for some choice, melodic hard rock, it's a real buried, uh, treasure.

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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