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  • Mega64 Calls On the Elite Beat Agents

    The world would be a better place if the Elite Beat Agents could fly at our everyday problems singing and dancing. Flat tire? Beautiful voices can re-inflate that. Broken vase? The Elite Beat Agents can coax those pieces back into place. Failing with your girlfriend in bed? Maybe not. She might run away with Agent Spin (I know I would).

    Game-related comedy troupe Mega64 has catapulted to nerd fame by videotaping themselves bouncing around in a kuribo, performing stealth operations in a grocery store as Solid Snake, and wandering around PetSmart as a lonely Tetris L-piece looking for a corner to lean on. This time, the group dressed up as the Elite Beat Agents and tried to bring joy to Californians by the ocean. Unfortunately, Californians seem immune to joy. Actually, given the demographic of San Francisco, they've probably just learn how to politely step around crazy people the same way suburban dwellers have learned to step around piles of dog poo.

    Video after the jump.

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  • How Chicago Inadvertently Penned an Anthem for Dead Anime Fathers

    The other day, I was browsing a retail establishment when Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" came over the store speakers. Suddenly, I felt very sad.

    It was an interesting reaction and not one I would have had a few years ago. Having surrendered my youth to the modern day equivilent of potato mines (retail), I'm familiar with the safe music that's piped over the speakers to keep the masters and beasts complacent. I would never give Chicago another thought ever again if not for an Elite Beat Agents scenario involving an anime girl's dead father.



    Surely I'm not the only one who's come to associate games with certain licensed songs. The Japanese have been sneaky about it since we were kids: Mario's invincibility music is lifted straight from Jesus Christ Superstar and more than one tune in the early Mega Man games sounded like a tribute to Guns n Roses and/or Metallica. But legitimate songs being used in games (or to advertise games) is quickly becoming popular and I'm increasingly interested in the association aspect. This doesn't apply so much to games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, which usually have you belting out tunes in a club, or possibly a fancy club. I'm referring to instances where a song is used to define a game, or an in-game scenario like the ones in Elite Beat Agents.

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  • Ready? Okay! Wii've Got Spirit, Yes Wii Do...

    There was one male cheerleader in my high school, and every time I saw him in routines at one of the mandatory pep rallies all I could think was "I could do that so much better than him!" I wasn't scared of being a cheerleader either, I just couldn't stand that being a cheerleader would require me to A) attend sporting events and B) display school spirit.

    Well, Namco Bandai's We Cheer may just be the game to earn me my long overdue varsity letter. These three gameplay videos from E3 make the Wii cheerleader sim look a lot like a cross between Polly Pocket at Elite Beat Agents.

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  • Whatcha Playing: Keeping the Beat, Drum Master Style



    Written by Derrick Sanskrit

    This hip urban lifestyle is killing me. Even though I walk a couple miles each day going to and from various places, I spend at least three hours a day sitting in place on trains as they scuttle my person between points A and R. Three hours! I'd probably go crazy or fall asleep and get mugged if it weren't for portable games. The problem is carrying games that can hold my interest for an extended period of time. Almost all of the most compelling DS games have little to no replay value (the Ace Attorney series, Hotel Dusk: Room 215) and many of the other better games require such precise stylus control that a simple jostle of the train car can ruin the entire experience (Elite Beat Agents, Zelda: Phantom Hourglass). What am I supposed to play?

    Thanks to importers and the region-free DS, I have found my answer: Taiko no Tatsujin DS: Touch de Dokodon!, aka "Taiko Drum Master DS". It keeps all the familiar elements of the popular arcade and home console Taiko Drum Master games (J-pop and classical songs play, cute cartoon characters dance, you beat the shit out of a big-ass drum) and makes it portable. Is there a story? Damned if I know, I just know that I get a more visceral thrill out of pounding a cartoon drum than I do shooting an AK-47 at Nazis.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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