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The Hooksexup Film Blog
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Each month a new artist; each image a new angle. This month: Giovanni Cervantes.
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A fashionable L.A. photo editor exploring all manner of hyper-sexual girls down south.
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Almost everything you want.
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A San Francisco photographer on the eternal search for the girls of summer.
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Houston neighbors pull back the curtains and expose each other's lives.
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The creator of Supercult.com poses his pretty posse.
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Hooksexup's TV blog.
61 Frames Per Second
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  • Japan Scares Me: Final Fantasy VII's Tifa in Tifatan X



    Final Fantasy VII did not become famous because it was a good game. JRPGs did not grow out of their comfortable niche because of that game. No, both game and genre hit big thanks to Tifa Lockhart. They boomed because of bazooms, became massive thanks to mammaries, and were triumphant due to tits. I’ve floated this theory here on 61 Frames Per Second before, but it bears repeating, if for no other reason than most folks, whether they admit it or not, tend to click on any internet link related to breasts. The breasts in question do not need to be too large, too small, or even in a moment of Goldilocks-esque serendipity, just right. They simply need to be breasts. Of course, today I have a perfectly logical reason beyond this truth. Today I discovered Tifatan X.

    Were Tifatan X ever going to make the trip to North American shores, an appropriate re-titling would be Kung Boob. The game is an explicit homage to Irem’s side-scrolling classic Spartan-X, better known here as NES launch title Kung Fu. It stars, as you may have already deduced, Final Fantasy VII’s Tifa Lockhart. The actually play is just the same as Spartan-X’s, except you have a slightly expanded selection of moves and the dudes in purple you regularly defeat take more than one hit to dispatch. Tifatan X makes it into the Japan Scares Me category for a familiar reason. Can you guess? Surprise, it’s inappropriate sexual content!

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  • Up All Night: Power Blade

    Somewhere in upstate New York, on a chill night in April 1991, a television glows ominously in a family living room, illuminating the suburban setting in an uneasy, blue light. A boy sits before the television, knees tucked beneath him, with an NES pad in his hands. He is transfixed, his stare one that betrays nothing but a devoted concentration and perhaps a hint of desperation. This war against the despotic computer mainframe has gone on too long. It is taking its toll on his small mind. From upstairs comes a slow thumping, the sound of weary parental feet shuffling in the dark.

    A call rings out.

    “If I come down there and you’re still playing videogames, I’m going to throw that stupid box out the window.”

    A whisper.

    “Can’t talk. Final level.”

    “GO TO BED!”

    “No! No, I cannot go to bed! I must defeat these godless machines! I MUST STAY UP ALL NIGHT!”

    Yes, Friday’s Chiptune got me thinking about that true Up All Night classic, Power Blade. One of Guy Wearing Tank Top and Sweatpants’ last great hurrahs on the NES, Power Blade is, unlike some UAN candidates, a legitimately good game, chock full of tight platforming and robot murdering in the grand Mega Man tradition. It also has an interesting history: Power Blade actually started, as Kurt Kalata puts it, a literal Mega Man clone called Power Blazer.

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  • OST: Soul Blazer

    As we've noted before, Kurt Kalata's Hardcore Gaming 101 is an invaluable resource, with thoughtful, graphic-heavy reviews of dozens of underappreciated games. I do have to take issue, though, with one of David DeRienzo's comments on the soundtrack to the poetic SNES classic Soul Blazer. "The dungeons have this crazy '80s synth thing going on. Some of them are slightly catchy, but most are just silly and cheesy to the point of being laughable. I was just waiting for Rick James to start singing during a few of them." Um, and?

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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