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  • Doing the Mario Over Christmas Break

    From everyone here at 61FPS, I'd like to wish each and every one of you a merry Christmas. The other writers would probably like to wish you a merry Christmas too, but I'm going to go ahead and do it for them, because that's just the kind of guy I am: a massive jerk.  Unfortunately, we're not going to be back until 2009, but there's no need to despair; sure, you could go read other blogs in the meantime, but that would be insane.  Instead, I suggest you do what I'm going to waste the next week-or-so doing: watching embarrassing programs from my childhood through the power of modern technology.

    That's right; if you have an XBox 360 and a Netflix subscription (as well as a high-speed internet connection and a total lack of shame) you have the ability to see how you may have thrown away your most formative years on this terrible planet. Currently, Netflix offers three different TV shows from the not-too-distant past that most of us watched non-ironically as children--irony having only been invented in 1997.  Allow my brief reviews to help you find what's right for you; or, grab your favorite Frito-Lay snack and enjoy all of the video game-related programming from that wonderful decade known as the 1980s.  Just make sure your heart doesn't stop beating from all the inactivity.

    Read More...


  • Whatcha Playing: On the Road Again



    Wherein travelling inevitably leads to thinking about Zelda, the nature of game linearity and unskippable passive sequences in games.

    Five men in their late 20s are heading south on route 80 through New Jersey in a white Dodge Caravan. They listen to loud music and discuss plans for the weekend ahead of them. Before too long, they pass signs for a town called Hibernia. As they are a group raised on far, far too many videogames, the fanciful name of what is likely a small, simple town full of good, honest folk quickly transforms it into a land of adventure, intrigue and obnoxious obligation.

    “Ho stranger! You have stopped for gasoline in Hibernia? I would love to give you some, but first you must travel beyond the woods and acquire a ruffled dragoon feather. I need them to make gasoline!”

    “Hey! Hey! Have you tried pressing Z to look at signs? Press A to read signs! Hey!”

    “You must equip a sword and a shield before you can leave the car. Who would leave the car without a sword and a shield?”

    Yes, even something as an innocuous as a roadtrip leads to making fun of Zelda, and by proxy, every other videogame that makes you engage in a string of needless bullshit before letting you actually play. After we got the jokes out of our systems, we did start talking about how, when the itch arises, we all love going back and replaying past Zeldas, but have almost no desire to replay any of the 3D games any time soon. Everyone in the van has affection for Ocarina and Wind Waker – Opinions on Majora’s Mask vary. Personally, I find it to be a freaking chore to play, no matter how creative. Twilight Princess, we agreed, feels like actually doing chores when you play it. – but the prospect of wading through a never ending stream of unskippable conversations makes returning to these games unsavory. The constant handholding is bad enough, even without taking five minutes to listen to some owl made of triangles rant about a mountain, finally getting through the diatribe, and accidentally asking him to repeat himself.

    The conversation was oddly prescient.

    Read More...


  • Your Way: Chrono Trigger and The Glory of Options



    I spent the Thanksgiving holiday not shopping, not overeating, not doing much of anything outside of that most traditional holiday pursuit: catching up with family. Not the extended fam, just the nuclear, and even then we weren’t all around. Sometimes work and obligation gets in the way and not everyone can make it home, just the way it goes. It was just me and the parents. And Chrono Trigger, obviously. A true homecoming, really; early winter playthroughs of Chrono Trigger have been, for me, as much a tradition as seeing loved ones during the season but I’d fallen out of rhythm over the past three years. Excited as I was to play the game again, I was going in with some trepidation. Not over the two new dungeons, the new ending, or the re-written dialogue. (The script, by the way, saw far more significant changes than was previously reported. The re-write isn’t bad by any means, but some of the charm of Ted Woolsey’s original is lost.) No, I was worried about the incorporation of the PS1 version’s animated cutscenes. I skipped the earlier re-release because the thought of slowdown in Chrono Trigger is nauseating, but getting to avoid the cutscenes was an added bonus. Nothing against the anime stuff, it’s fine that it exists, but the game’s story simply doesn’t need those scenes. Not to mention how they break the game’s seamless presentation.

    So it was a nice surprise when I saw this screen.

    Read More...


  • The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Stupidity

    The Legend of Zelda cartoon was one of the more competent game-based television series to foul up the '80s. That's not saying much, I suppose, especially when you recall some of the show's more ridiculous traits. Here's ten minutes of The Legend of Zelda, as collected and sewn together by The Switcher. Guaranteed to make you cringe and say, "Oh Christ above why did I love this? No wonder nobody ever came to my birthday parties."



    I don't think I was ever aware that the Zelda cartoon had a considerable amount of innuendo. Dude, Link tried to ambush Zelda on her bed. If I were the king, I'd turn that impish rogue out on his bum and just set down some fly paper around the Triforce of Wisdom.

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  • Miyamoto Says Something Was "Missing" From Zelda: Twilight Princess. We Know It, Too.

    I really enjoyed The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. To me, it played like a much bigger, much more detailed version of Ocarina of Time, which is A-OK in my book. I also got to ride a horsey.

    But in the most recent installment of a long-running interview with MTV Multiplayer, Shigeru Miyamoto acknowledges that perhaps Twilight Princess could have been...fresher.

    Whatever your stance on the current status of the Zelda franchise, you can't really argue that it's a bad thing when its creator decides it's high time to innovate.

    I like reading message board threads about the steps Nintendo should take to freshen up Zelda because nobody agrees on anything. Since I already know people are going to fire arrows on me for merely sharing my suggestions, I thought I'd belt out a few.

    First, I'd love to see some cel-shaded graphics again, but not Wind Waker Link. The original Legend of Zelda and The Adventure of Link included some great instruction booklet character art that jogged our imaginations while we played as jagged snot-green sprites; I would love to see a return to that traditional art style. It inspired so many of us when our imaginations were still supple.

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  • For Love of the Game: The Legend of Zelda – The Shadowgazer

    We could run a daily For Love of the Game feature on Zelda remakes alone. Zelda 1 with 16-bit graphics, Zelda 1 made out of Lego, two-dimensional Ocarina of Time, side-scrolling Ocarina of Time, Link’s Awakening running on Minish Cap’s engine, Twilight Princess dating sims, and on and on and on. People love Zelda, they always want more Zelda. But, and it’s a truth that’s taken a serious toll on the series, people tend to want Zelda exactly the way they’ve had it before, only slightly different. Fans aren’t the only ones who keep remaking Zelda; Eiji Aonuma’s been doing a bang-up job of it for almost a decade.

    More interesting than homebrewers adding a special blend of basement hops to the same old quest-lager are those adventuresome folks making all new Zeldas. The re-appropriation of yesterday’s art can yield both inspired results, as with Zelda: Outlands, and well-meaning but forgettable outings like Parallel Worlds. It’s especially rare to see a homebrew Zelda filled with original sprites and scenarios. King Mob’s The Legend of Zelda: The Shadowgazer, from the looks of this trailer, is especially becoming.

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  • Chiptune Friday: A Link To The Past

    Last week's Zelda jam was a pleasant trip down memory lane, but it was missing one thing that I've come to enjoy here every friday: a booty-shakin' beat to celebrate the end of the work week dancing to! So today we're revisit Hyrule thanks to the stylish innovation that the kids these days are calling "the remix".

    Read More...


  • Philosophy? In my Zelda?

    If a Deku Tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

    Philosophy grad student Luke Cuddy has edited a philosophy book dedicated to The Legend of Zelda, published by an imprint who has previously dealt with philosophy in The Matrix and The Simpsons. From the publisher:

    The book asks such questions as: What is the nature of the gamer's connection to Link? Does Link have a will, or do we project ours onto him? How does the gamer experience the game? Do the rules of logic apply in the gameworld? How is space created and distributed in Hyrule (the fictional land in which the game takes place)? How does time function? Is Zelda art? Can Hyrule be seen as an ideal society? What about the Triforce (one of the goals of the game is to reunite pieces of a relic called "The Triforce")? Is there anything symbolic about courage, wisdom, and power? Why do we want to win and defeat Ganon (the evil tyrant in command of Hyrule in many of the games of the franchise)? Can the game be enjoyable without winning? Why do fans create timeline theories in such detail? Can these theories adhere to scientific standards? How is death treated in Hyrule? How do repetitive tasks done in the game differ from repetitive tasks done in everyday life?

    Mmm hmm. Don't expect any gee-whiz game theory, a recent post on Cuddy's blog contains the following shocker:

    True gamers understand that graphics aren't everything and that great game design can be achieved even within the technological limitations of a given time.

    Read More...


  • Alternate Soundtrack: StarTropics vs. Islands

    Some of our readers may recognize this pairing, as it was suggested by Rob waaaaaaaaaaay back in May.

    Yes, StarTropics holds a special place in the hearts of many Nintendo fans. Conceived as a western sister game to The Legend of Zelda, StarTropics was a linear adventure about an American teenager (he was a Seattle high school baseball star!) exploring the monster-filled caves of tropical islands in order to rescue his archeologist uncle from aliens. Proving how very western the game was, neither it nor its sequel Zoda's Revenge were ever released in Nintendo's native Japan.

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  • Rebuttal Rebuttal – I Stand With Metroid

    So, I recently incited the wrath of seemingly thousands of NeoGAF readers by defaming the good standing of Metroid: Zero Mission. One of them even said he hated me as much as he hated Amy Winehouse, which was so left-field I almost took it personally. Let me further establish that I am totally batshit, tastewise, by giving you my list of favorite games in the Metroid series:

    Read More...


  • The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels in Gaming History, Part 2

    Super Mario 64



    If you'd asked a young me to imagine a three-dimensional Mario Bros. game, I'd have pictured a screenshot from Super Paper Mario — essentially, the point-A-to-point-B linearity of classic side-scrolling Mario, shot from a different camera angle. Instead, Shigeru Miyamoto's first 3D adventure completely rewrote the rules of platforming, replacing the "get to the end" format with a variety of challenges set in one, open physical space. To a generation weaned on linearity, this was pretty overwhelming at first — I remember being plunked down in Bob-Omb Battlefield and wandering around like a chump for an embarrassingly long time. 64 was so different from its precursors that you arguably wouldn't call it a sequel, but bear in mind that no one knew at the time what the next generation of games would look like. Early 32-bit games like Bug and Clockwork Knight dressed 2D gaming in 3D clothes. As usual, that nut Miyamoto had something different in mind. — PS

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  • Whatcha Playing: BS Zelda

    Let's say, hypothetically, it's Monday evening and you wake up at midnight after passing out on the couch for a couple hours. You're too restless, headachy, drunk and sexually frustrated to go back to sleep. Hypothetically. And you've beaten The Legend of Zelda so many times in the past month, in an attempt to push your completion time under fifty minutes (final score: 49:58.13) that it doesn't have much to offer in the way of comforting distraction.

    For a cosy mix of the familiar and new, do what I did. . .

    Read More...



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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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