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• 8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 2

  Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade. 5.) Final Fight CD – “Walk In the Park (Bay Area)” System: Sega CD (1993) Sounds Like: A sweaty nooner with Don Johnson. I always loved the premise of Final Fight. The idea of a city’s mayor stripping down to his underjohns and beating the shit out of unemployed people in order to stimulate job growth was really ahead of its time. Wait? Mike Haggar was actually fighting to save his daughter from an evil street gang? And here I thought the game was some kind of radical Objectivist propaganda. This Bay Area theme is classic whatever console you play Final Fight on, but the Sega CD version pushes it to the limit with gale-force porno guitars. Seriously, these riffs are like an F4 on the Fujita Scale. In my mind’s eye, the person who would get the most out of this track wears a ton of sea foam green and frequents Fort Lauderdale whorehouses. Sometimes, you just gotta be that person. When it comes to the Sega CD, the only thing sleazier is Night Trap. Read More... Posted Apr 16 2009, 05:00 PM by John Constantine with | with no comments Filed under: nintendo, actraiser, game boy, rare, capcom, hideo kojima, satellaview, top ten, final fight, sega, commodore 64, atari, chrono trigger, genesis, metal gear, super nintendo, atari 2600, mario paint, sega cd, tetris, star tropics, donkey kong country 2, kid icarus, solid snake, cyriaque lamar, radical dreamers, zoda’s revenge, matt gray, msx, last ninja 2, david wise, streets of rage 2, metal gear 2, yuzo kashiro

• 8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 1

  Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade. There are three reasons this list exists. First, I felt obliged to highlight 61FPS’s distinction as the gaming apparatchik of an internet sex publication. Second, I wished to showcase the unsung virtuosos of yesteryear who made masterworks using a limited palette of sounds. Finally, I intend to rebut those critics who still dismiss video games as low culture. Using the below examples, I intend to reclaim the carnal legacy of video games by evincing how early console music illustrated the gamut of human sexuality, from atavistic, heteronormative modes of eroticism to polymorphous perversity as delineated by Freud. Plus, the thought of people sticking penises into vaginas to Nintendo music is funny. 10.) Radical Dreamers – “The Girl Who Stole the Stars” System: Super Famicom Satellaview (1996) Sounds Like: Koyaanisqatsi composed on Mario Paint. Since roughly 95% of all human lovemaking involves someone with a XX chromosome pairing, I thought it necessary to seek out my female associates’ thoughts on which game music best applies to amore. The suggestions I received were few yet incisive — responses ranged from “the Kid Icarus theme” to “Who the eff effs to video games?” Ultimately though, I deferred to my own instincts and picked this pan-pipe jam from the Japan-exclusive, text-based sequel to Chrono Trigger. Composed by the legendary Yasunori Mitsuda, “The Girl Who Stole the Stars” is easily the most romantic theme on our list. Read More... Posted Apr 16 2009, 04:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, actraiser, game boy, rare, capcom, hideo kojima, satellaview, top ten, final fight, sega, commodore 64, atari, chrono trigger, genesis, metal gear, super nintendo, atari 2600, mario paint, sega cd, tetris, star tropics, donkey kong country 2, kid icarus, solid snake, cyriaque lamar, radical dreamers, zoda’s revenge, matt gray, msx, last ninja 2, david wise, streets of rage 2, metal gear 2, yuzo kashiro

• Unsolicited Scares: St Eva from Breath of Fire II Loves You Thiiis Much

  Circumstances beyond my control got me thinking the other day about Breath of Fire II, Capcom's SNES RPG for totally buff men (unless the US box art is lying to me). Breath of Fire II was my first experience with a God-slaying JRPG, and it stuck with me for a few reasons. Reason one: it nearly made me crap my pants. Every good Messiah hunt includes a foray into the Master's den of cultists, and Breath of Fire predictably sends the hero Ryu and his pals into the heart of St Eva's town towards the end of the game. St Eva is God, but he's not benevolent. What a twist! The story makes it obvious that St Eva stinks of corruption and rancid food (flowing robes are catch-alls for cheese and salsa drippings), so Ryu is a bit put off when he walks into St Eva's town and finds it a bustling, happy place. Revelers comment on the beautiful weather, the lame can walk, the blind can see, and every dog has a wagging tail. Ryu thinks, “Well, maybe I had this Eva fellow pegged wrong,” and decides he needs to reconsider his options. He exits the town-- --and finds himself back inside the town gates. Suddenly, the warm air is icy, and the friendly townspeople have transformed into cackling, shambling husks. I'm making the event sound especially chilly because it had a personal effect on me. See, there was this time I was in a death cult, and—just kidding. But there is a specific reason I never, ever forgot my trip to St Eva's Land. Read More... Posted Apr 13 2009, 11:02 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: snes, rpg, retro, super nintendo, 16-bit, jrpg, nadia oxford, unsolicited scares, breath of fire ii

• Give Super Punch-Out a Chance

  I've been talking about Punch-Out a lot this week, from blogging about the new Wii update yesterday to gabbing about it on the Stand Under the Don't Tree and Riddle Me This podcast on Tuesday (episode release forthcoming). In fact, I've had so much Punch-Out on the brain that I happened to overlook the fact that one of my favorite games of all time, Super Punch-Out, saw a Virtual Console release this Monday. And now that I no longer have to play Sophie's Choice when it's time to decide which Wii Channel needs to die for the sake of a new download, you can bet I was beating the living snot out of large, cartoonish boxers as soon as humanly possible. I've come to observe that Super Punch-Out is mostly unknown and unloved, especially when compared to its iconic little brother--a cultural touchstone for anyone growing up in the 80s (I guess we all wanted to beat up Mike Tyson). But when you strip away the nostalgia, Super Punch-Out is actually a much better game. Read More... Posted Apr 02 2009, 07:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, wii, snes, punch out, super nintendo, bob mackey, virtual console, super punch out

• Game Endings Out of Left Field: Chrono Trigger and the Dream Project

  I bought Chrono Trigger for the SNES from a game store merchant who called it “The game that never ends.” If only. There eventually came a time when I had in fact seen everything the game had to offer, and all that was left was to gnaw on its bones in a future search for Schala. Still, the beauty thing about Chrono Trigger is its lack of a cemented beginning, middle and end. Sure, it's a fairly linear adventure the first time you play through...but after you've taken in your fill of the Moonlight Parade, you're encouraged to slip away and explore Crono's world from as many angles as possible. Even making the tiniest changes in the time stream before taking down Lavos could result in a whole new game ending. Go up against Lavos before you're scheduled to fight Magus, and Frog will fight him one-on-one. Visit the spiky bastard after unlocking the door to the Mammon Machine, and listen to Marle and Lucca make lewd comments about Men Through The Ages. Then there's my personal favourite: finish the game before it even starts, and visit the development staff. Read More... Posted Mar 27 2009, 11:32 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo ds, snes, chrono trigger, super nintendo, nadia oxford, chrono trigger ds, game endings out of left field

• Licensing Tragedies: The Donkey Kong Country Cartoon

  Nine out of ten platformer fans with two working eyes agree that the computer-rendered sprites used in Donkey Kong Country were a bit more impressive fourteen years ago. Even so, Donkey Kong Country's visuals still succeed in its portrayal of certain key environments: lush (if flat) jungle foliage, colourful coral, atmospheric snowstorms, and rich orange-and-red sunsets. Additionally, the series' characters were likable until Donkey Kong 64 dragged each simian into monkey hell. The Kong clan may have been slain by the DK Rap, but I maintain that 1996's French Canadian Donkey Kong Country cartoon helped engineer the gallows. The two disasters are not necessarily connected, except by name, but both can be accused of bland presentation and a noticeable lack of humour and fun. I will admit that I am criticising a pile of alphabet blocks, here: the Donkey Kong Country cartoon was meant for very young audiences, and it was the family-oriented showpiece for the launch of Teletoon, Canada's animation channel. It was no surprise Nelvana saw fit to give Donkey Kong a vocabulary beyond “Ook ook grunt,” and a story beyond “Beat up reptiles for bananas.” Even so, the crew rarely did anything except thwart King K Rool's attempts to grab Donkey's, uh, “Crystal Coconut” episode after episode. Also, there was a prophecy about Donkey Kong ruling the island or something. Hooray, life under a gorilla regime. Read More... Posted Mar 16 2009, 07:39 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: snes, donkey kong country, super nintendo, 16-bit, cartoon, nadia oxford, donkey kong country 2, licensing tragedies

• Behold The Half-Assed Review That Steered Me Away From Earthbound

  Gather around, ladies and gentlemen. It's time to share my secret shame. Come for the story, stay for the punch, the pie, and a chance to wallow in the lingering stink of failure. When I was young enough to believe in honesty, I relied on game magazine reviews to tell me whether or not a game was worth a purchase. I've already gone over how many Great Canadian Funbux typically went into the purchase of one cartridge game, so you can probably forgive me for doing my research. Unfortunately, I kind of put myself at a disadvantage by taking to heart the opinions of only one magazine: Gamepro. To be fair, I have to admit that I wasn't steered wrong too often. If not for the rave review I read in the November 1994 issue of the magazine, I would have bypassed the majesty of Final Fantasy VI. But it was my faith in Gamepro that made me turn up my nose at Earthbound until just last year. While bypassing Earthbound because of a magazine review was a big mistake on my part, it wasn't like I'd boiled a puppy or cast an unforgivable curse on a baby. Earthbound's genius was snubbed by a lot of SNES owners; that's why the fandom has since been driven half-mad with regret. No, my problem is that Earthbound Central has scanned and archived the review that kept me away from Itoi's masterpiece...and I can't believe that I was swayed by such an impotent clump of...assumptions. Read More... Posted Mar 09 2009, 11:31 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: review, snes, rpg, earthbound, retro, super nintendo, 16-bit, writing, gamepro, nadia oxford, games journalism

• Retro Horror: Canadian Game Prices

  The reign of the SNES was a troubling time for me. The deluge of great games was seemingly never-ending, but I wasn't quite old enough to buy my own crack (that would come with the next generation of systems). With my family, video games were very much a Sometimes treat. Here's the main reason why: The Canadian dollar has never been a strongman—except for a brief stretch of time last year when the US dollar finally tanked entirely and the Loonie vaulted over the Greenback. The US dollar has since recovered (and I've put away the noose I wove for myself; most of my employers are American, and my bank thought I was the butt of a cruel joke), but it's not as powerful as it was in 1995. So I dished out a lot of money for SNES games. God look back on the day when Nintendo announced it was sticking to cartridges for the N64, and have pity on my broken soul. Read More... Posted Mar 05 2009, 11:22 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: snes, rpg, final fantasy vi, retro, super nintendo, retail, nadia oxford, game prices, canada

• Comfort Through Gaming: Super Metroid's Dark Tunnels

  I've been fighting a mutant cold all week, which means I just don't have the energy to tackle my shiny pile of virgin games. Yes, I am an example of humanity at its laziest and most spoiled. Any further down the ladder and I'll be a quivering puddle of goo that manipulates game controllers with an oozing pseudopod. Surely you can relate, though. Mr Cole Stryker recently spoke of “relaxing games;” in the same vein, I have my stash of “comfort games.” Digital chicken soup. Something to turn to when I'm just not up to slogging through a ten-hour tutorial. Games that don't make me work. Or even games with one special trait that brings me inner peace. One such game is Super Metroid, fresh-picked from the Virtual Console. Super Metroid hovers near the top of everyone's list of favourite action games, and I'm no exception. But for me, the title really shines (somehow ironically, I suppose) because of its dark atmosphere. Read More... Posted Mar 04 2009, 04:12 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: metroid zero mission, super metroid, metroid fusion, snes, retro, super nintendo, 16-bit, nadia oxford, comfort through games

• Question of the Day: Ogre Battle and How Much Tutorial is Too Much?

  Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen hit Wii’s Virtual Console today. This is good for a variety of reasons. Quality Virtual Console releases are a rarity here in the far flung future of 2009. Ogre Battle is rare itself; its two English releases tend to fetch a pretty penny on Ebay. I’ve never played Yasumi Matsuno’s first foray into dense fantasy opera, so I’m looking forward to checking it out on the cheap. My history with the Ogre series is confined to Ogre Battle 64. OB64 was one of the only N64 games I ever owned and I spent many, many hours playing it in the spring of 2001. I had almost no idea what I was doing. OB64 throws you into the deep end as soon you start, burying you under a mountain of circuitous cutscenes and leaving you to figure out its blend of TRPG and RTS play on your own. I was pretty proud of myself for getting thirty hours into OB64 without a guide. That is, until I read a FAQ and found out about the nearly endless number of stats you have to consider if you want to actually see the game’s ending. Nothing in the game tells you about party loyalty or how to measure a unit’s leadership potential. Nothing in the game even indicates that these are things you’re supposed to account for. I love it when a game trusts me to learn how to play. I think that’s why people have responded so well to Retro Game Challenge. Even beyond its Famicom devotionals, the games trust you to learn their rules through play. Nothing is more frustrating than turning on a game and having to sit through an hour of tutorials, forcing you to plod through poorly acted scenes of someone telling you to press X to jump. By the same token, games like Ogre Battle are so complex that you need to have an in-game guide to teach you their rules by example. Read More... Posted Mar 02 2009, 05:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, wii, snes, Playstation, n64, super nintendo, virtual console, Retro game challenge, question of the day, square enix, tactics ogre, nintedo 64, ogre battle 64, march of the black queen, ogre battle, yasumi matsuno

• The White Whale: Terranigma and Ahab Gaming

  I sympathized with Nadia’s post last week about the pants wetting nature of Terranigma’s “Desert” theme. That eerie swath of SNES atmospherics by Miyoko Kobayashi and Masanori Hikichi is still fresh in my memory, and not just from following the link in Madame Oxford’s piece. Three weeks ago, after some ten years of hunting, I finally sat down and played Terranigma in one day-long marathon session. This was both the realization of a long-standing desire to play Quintet’s final Super Nintendo entry in their Heaven and Earth saga and also part of a grand gaming journey I’ve undertaken here in 2009. The quest, as it were, is to track down three games from the past two decades that represent significant gaps in my experience: The One That Got Away, The Second Chance, and The White Whale. My goal is to finally see, after building up each game that fits these descriptions for me in my brain, how they live up long after their respective primes. Given my inexplicable aversion to emulation, the English version of Terranigma has always been my white whale, the cartridge I’ve hunted for and that I’ve constantly sought for an actual way to play. An Australian copy of the game isn’t terribly rare, but it tends to fetch a high price, and then there’s the hurdle of getting it to run on a non-PAL Super Nintendo. That hurdle’s especially high since Terranigma, being one of the last Super Nintendo games, is fitted with a particularly finicky region-lockout chip. Even a Fami-clone that can play PAL carts like the Retro Duo won’t boot Terranigma. There are only two options for intrepid (and legitimately insane) gamers like myself. First, you can mod your SNES with 50/60 Hz region lockout switches. Fearing that I’d end up soldering my hand to the console, I opted out of this. The only other option is to find an incredibly rare version of the Pro Action Replay cheat device. Only three models will work, Mk2.P, 2.T, and 3, all of which only released in Europe in limited quantities. After trolling the net since last summer, I finally found one at the beginning of January. So, in spite of these barriers, in spite of my psychoses, I finally played and finished my white whale. Was it worth the wait? Did Terranigma live up to a decade of expectation? Read More... Posted Feb 20 2009, 08:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, nintendo, snes, working designs, sony, Playstation, soul blazer, super nintendo, terranigma, illusion of gaia, quintet, pro action replay, miyoko kobayahi, enix, masanori hikichi, retro duo, arc the lad

• Make Your Wii More Like a Super NES for Only $75

  So, Club Nintendo kinda sucks, doesn't it? As excited as I was to hear that Nintendo was finally bringing their customer rewards program over to the States, I couldn't help but feel disappointed when my loyalty was pimp-slapped by Nintendo's stinginess. And to make things even worse, the goodies offered by Club Nintendo don't even seem like they're worth buying dozens of games to obtain; what makes this even worse is that the Japanese Club Nintendo has been around for much longer and distributing much cooler prizes--all while Nintendo's American branch was most likely deciding to make 90% of their games inelegible for the service. Take the Super Famicom edition Classic Controller up there, for instance; at one point, American gamers could do nothing but pine for the peripheral that makes the current Classic Controller look like something that fell out of a Web 2.0 processing plant. Read More... Posted Feb 19 2009, 04:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, super nintendo, bob mackey, controllers, club nintendo, peripherals, super famicom

• Pre-Internet Fanboys

  A few weeks ago we talked about whether or not fanboyism was worse today than before the Internet. Well, here's an example of some pretty vicious fanboyism from USENET, courtesy of 1UP's Retro Gaming Blog. Some people weren't very impressed when Nintendo Japan unveiled it's Super Famicom: To describe it [and I HOPE it was a mock-up because even though Im really not a nintendo fan, I dont want to see anyone get slaughtered the way nintendo looks like their going to get slaughtered] its looked to me to be about 30-40cm by 25-35cm by 5cm. It was stark white, made of some very cheap looking plastic. [unlike the nice IBM creme brown of the SF] and had these god awful square brilliant blue buttons on the control deck. I havent seen anything that cheesy since the Atari XEGS. I hope it was a mock up. Somebody tell me it was a mock up. Read More... Posted Feb 17 2009, 01:00 PM by Cole Stryker with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: cole stryker, retro, super nintendo, fandom, fanboys

• All the SaGa, A Fraction of the Time

  It hasn’t been easy, going this long without playing a single SaGa game. They’ve always been within reach and they’ve always been tantalizing. Every game in the series, with the exception of the Super Nintendo Romancing SaGas, has been released in English, and every one of those games has been gorgeous. But the beautiful graphics, art, and music, are apparently not unlike the vibrant coloring on dart frogs; they’re a warning, not an incentive to come and play. The SaGa series is probably the only franchise I’ve ever completely avoided based on reviews. When games are that widely reviled, it’s probably for a reason. The upcoming DS remake of SaGa 2 has me feeling a little reckless. I’m going to play that game when it comes out, because I’m curious, but before then, I feel I should build immunity to the poison. Now I just need to decide where to start. Lucky for me, Square-Enix just put out this video of clips from every single game in the series. It’s like looking at a menu. Read More... Posted Jan 20 2009, 04:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, square-enix, super nintendo, square enix, saga 2, final fantasy legend, romancing saga, saga frontier

• Double Dragon in the Flesh. The NAKED Flesh.

  I don’t get to write about one of my greatest and longest lasting gaming loves here on 61 Frames Per Second. It’s understandable, after all. They simply don’t make beat ‘em ups very often anymore. In the realm of three-dimensional interactive entertainments, you rarely find a game that is purely about punching people and/or monsters in the groin and dropkicking them in the face. Yes, there’s God Hand, but more often than not, you have to get your thrills from weapons-based affairs like Devil May Cry and Ninja Gaiden. Even more rare is the 2D brawler. Castle Crashers was a succulent feast for my starving soul last year. Most of the time, when I need to get a fix of beating the ever-loving hell out of semi-defenseless sprites, I need to go back to the well of yesteryear. I need to fire up the Saturn for a little Dungeons and Dragons: Shadow Over Mystara. When I’m feeling especially punchy, I’ll even indulge in a smattering of Maximum Carnage on Super Nintendo. And, of course, there’s always a time for Double Dragon. Sometimes, the only thing that will make you feel whole is making a guy wearing a spandex onesie knee a seven foot tall bald man in the chest. Lucky for me that the modding community keeps reimagining classic experiences like these. It keeps things fresh. Gaming, like marriage, occasionally needs a little spice after twenty years. This, however, is not necessarily what I had in mind. Read More... Posted Jan 13 2009, 05:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, devil may cry, double dragon, ninja gaiden, super nintendo, castle crashers, maximum carnage, dungeons & dragons, abobo, ikkitousen eloquent fist, shadow over mystara, god hand

• Crono: My First Aeris Gainsborough

  You remember Aeris' death in Final Fantasy VII, right? Sephiroth dropped from the sky, brandishing his very big sword, and he spit Aeris like a piece of sacrificial lamb on a shishkabob. Cloud broke out the pitas, Cid stirred up the hummus and—no, wait, that didn't happen. Aeris died in Cloud's arms and it was very sad. There, that's what happened. Aeris's death, though curiously dry (not a drop of blood was spilled—what kind of impotent Jesus stand-in was she?), was a stunning event for the gaming world. Until the moment Sephiroth fell on her as neatly as a dart flying to a pub's board, it seemed unfathomable that a game character could die. Forever. No take-backs. Unfathomable for some. Not so much for others. Read More... Posted Jan 08 2009, 12:01 AM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: snes, chrono trigger, Playstation, retro, marle, super nintendo, crono, 16-bit, final fantasy vii, nadia oxford, chrono trigger ds, aerith, aeris

• The Untold Story of Sega Killing Their Own Hardware Business

  It’s been a straight up Sega love fest here lately. Not sure what it is about this first week of November, but for some strange reason I’ve simply had blast processing on the brain. I didn’t even realize it until reading Ars Technica’s retrospective, but the love in is appropriately timed; the Sega Mega Drive, our beloved Genesis, just turned twenty years old. While the Super Nintendo was my only true 16-bit love, the Genesis and I had our fair share of good times as well. Now, I’ve always understood it that Sega’s failure as a hardware manufacturer was a direct result of overextension, squandering the good will and widespread success they had with the Genesis in North America, Europe, and even South America by way of releasing too many expensive add-ons for the system that no one wanted or understood. The finicky Saturn hardware, stealthily released at an astronomical price point with too few games, and the Dreamcast’s inability to compete with Playstation 2 certainly didn’t help, but the real beginning of the end was the massive amounts of money poured into the Sega CD, 32-X, and the many different combinations of the two sold alongside good ol’ Genny. But, according to Technica, flooding the hardware market wasn’t the whole reason behind Sega’s fall from grace. According to the article, Sega of Japan shot themselves in the foot, promptly cutting off all support for the Genesis in 1995 after the Saturn launched because of sour grapes over the system’s failure in Japan and success in America. Read More... Posted Nov 07 2008, 03:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: john constantine, sega, genesis, super nintendo, mega drive

• Looks Great, Tastes Bad: The '90s and its Crop of Unbalanced Games

  "Earthworm Jim is on the Virtual Console today!" exclaims a message board thread somewhere in Gamer Town. In seconds, nostalgia draws traffic to the post like a purring queen draws kittens to the teat. "Oh, this game was so awesome," a poster named Billy declares. "They don't make games like this anymore." That's right, little Billy. They don't. I'm sort of glad about that because I don't think my heart can endure mass doses of disappointment anymore. Though Japanese games ruled the sixteen bit era, American developers were finding their legs as well. And oh, what a pair of legs they found. Games like Aladdin on the Genesis, The Lion King and Earthworm Jim looked and sounded brilliant. They are, in my opinion, still some of the best-looking games out there in spite of running on 24 megs of memory as opposed to today's standard of a hojillion gigabytes. I still love watching people play Earthworm Jim because the title has so much love and personality in every frame of animation. There's the rub: I like to watch (tee hee). I don't actually like to play Earthworm Jim--or Aladdin--or The Lion King--because the games are consistently and unfairly difficult, sometimes for the most baffling reasons. When Earthworm Jim fires his standard weapon, you can't see the spray of bullets. Even the lowliest of crows will dodge your invisible fire half the time despite being directly above you, but there's no possible way to correct your aim because you can't see where you're aiming. Read More... Posted Oct 29 2008, 04:16 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: earthworm jim, super nintendo, 16-bit, nostalgia, sega genesis, nadia oxford, the 90s, aladdin, lion king

• The Reason Why Mother 3 Never Came to America

  None. There is no good reason why Mother 3 never came to America. Oh, there are a couple of valid reasons why we never officially received Earthbound's follow-up, but they're not necessarily good. The easiest blame can be laid on finances. We are elbow-deep in the era of the Nintendo DS right now and the heyday of the Game Boy Advance is long over. Nintendo might get away with releasing all three Mother games in a DS collection, but that's obviously not going to happen in a grand hurry. By now, the universe knows that the original Earthbound bombed on the Super Nintendo. Nintendo did a beautiful, loving job with the packaging and translation, but dropped the marketing ball hard enough to cannonball clear to China. Earthbound was marketed as a cheesy science fiction game brimming with toilet humour, which it wasn't. Alas, a mass-mailing of scratch-and-sniff stickers made to smell like rancid pizza will do a lot to kill an appetite for game. Besides, after experiencing the majesty of Final Fantasy VI and Chrono Trigger, why would anyone want to fight against giant piles of barf? I sure didn't. Earthbound tanked, Nintendo made up their mind about American tastes and Mother 3 never had a chance at a ticket to America. Since the release of the translation patch, however, more than one person has claimed that maybe Nintendo's fear of another financial disaster wasn't the only thing keeping Mother 3 from the States. There was suddenly talk about in-game content being inappropriate for American audiences: the dark story, the characters (oh, the characters) and whatnot. God knows Japan has thousands of little quirks that only those born under its flag can truly appreciate, but I don't see how Mother 3 is one of them. Read More... Posted Oct 27 2008, 05:35 AM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: snes, earthbound, mother 3, super nintendo, retail, censorship, game boy advance, nadia oxford, profits

• Time For Terranigma! Right?

  Friends, join me in a round of "Let's Push Our Effin' Luck." The Virtual Console has done such a good job at not sucking for the past few weeks that it's only natural for me to raise my hopes and watch them get sheared. So, Nintendo. Square-Enix. Everyone. Time to stop starting and stopping like a nervous thoroughbred. It's time for commitment. It's time for Terranigma. When you were young, you probably played Soulblazer and/or Illusion of Gaia on the Super Nintendo. Both games provided Zelda-flavoured adventures that were nevertheless unique. Illusion of Gaia in particular still stands out in my mind for its mild hero, Will, a boy with telepathic powers who must jump-start Earth's stagnant evolution. Terranigma actually preceds Will's journey and Soulblazer story-wise, casting the player as Ark. Ark is cast out of his Eden-like villiage and tasked with beginning the very evolution that Will is later called upon to re-direct. Terranigma plays similarly to Illusion of Gaia, but it might seem unfamiliar because it never made it to North America. It did, however, see a release in Europe. So there's the beauty part: Terranigma already has an English translation waiting patiently for us. Read More... Posted Oct 14 2008, 06:54 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: square-enix, retro, super nintendo, 16-bit, nadia oxford, virtual console, terranigma, illusion of gaia, soulblazer

• Watcha Playing: Secret of Evermore

  You see, people? That's what video games are all about. Giant aliens with clearly visible weakspots that glow red. And you have to fight them off with a bone. A bone. I was too busy playing Earthbound when Secret of Evermore was released, and thanks to the magic of emulation, I'm able to catch up on what I missed back when I was eleven. Playing through this game makes me wonder why nearly all other JRPG's haven't copped to its simple formula of real time battles, blending Lengend of Zelda action and traditional JRPG battle mechanics. Fighting is much more interesting and intense than most JRPG's, and the genre is just now catching up to it with the Tales of...series. Thing is, Evermore does it much better. Today's RPG makers should really take note, especially those who think that Paper Mario-style timed attacks counts for engagement. The other thing that really stand out to me is the ambient music, which is far and away better than just about any Super Nintendo game I've ever played, outside of maybe Donkey Kong Country (Just talking ambience, folks). Canyons echo, deserts swirl with wind, and dank caves drip.  Of course its the little things as well.  The menu system is so compact and useful, the boss battles are so gripping, and the pacing is superb. Two thumbs, way up. Awesome vintage commercial after the jump: Read More... Posted Oct 06 2008, 04:00 PM by Cole Stryker with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: cole stryker, watcha playing, super nintendo, squaresoft, secret of evermore

• The E.V.O.lution of Spore

  Yahtzee recently mouthed off in his charming British way about Will Wright's Spore. Does he like it much? Short answer: "Nooooooooooooooo..." I haven't played Spore. My computer is from the Stone Age (2002) and completely useless for gaming. It's especially useless right now because it's been infected with the digital equivalent of late-stage syphilis and I do believe it's going quite mad. As for Spore, I might pick up the Wii version once it receives all the necessary castrations. But I have to admit that Yahtzee's weekly snark-a-thon woke up an otherwise oblivious bit of my brain that's telling me, "Hey...you played Spore. On the Super Nintendo. It was called EVO." Now kids, don't you all yell at Granma Nadia like that. I know Spore is far more complex than the 16-bit prehistoric gorgefest that captured my heart when I was fourteen-ish. But the idea of eating and growing appendages as a result of eating (wouldn't that make the obesity crisis a lot more interesting) took me back to a happy place. When we were kids, we wanted to genetically engineer nail-studded dragons with teeth like Ginsu knives and scales like tank armour. Oh, and they had to be able to fly, of course. Completely impossible by Nature's hoity-toity standards, but typical of the animals that rattle around in a kid's imagination. When Enix made EVO, it remembered the pencil crayon drawings that adorn every boy's school binder. Read More... Posted Sep 18 2008, 05:22 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: snes, PC, will wright, spore, super nintendo, 16-bit, nadia oxford, evolution, evo

• Chiptune Friday: A Link To The Past

  Last week's Zelda jam was a pleasant trip down memory lane, but it was missing one thing that I've come to enjoy here every friday: a booty-shakin' beat to celebrate the end of the work week dancing to! So today we're revisit Hyrule thanks to the stylish innovation that the kids these days are calling "the remix". Read More... Posted Sep 12 2008, 12:00 PM by Derrick Sanskrit with | with no comments Filed under: nintendo, derrick sanskrit, the legend of zelda, nes, chiptune friday, super nintendo, a link to the past, remix, rac

• Whatcha Listening To: The Earthbound Soundtrack

  I'm in an Earthbound frame of mind these days, which is a good place to be. With the release of the Mother 3 fan translation inching closer and some very pleasant message board conversations that remind me why I actually sacrificed precious naps to play through Itoi's masterpiece, I've taken to thinking about what makes Earthbound special. I could sit here for hours relaying all the reasons (okay, twenty minutes--I type fast), but one of the main reasons warrants its own entry: the music. Earthbound is probably the most underappreciated title in video gaming's short but passionate history. Everything was overlooked: the expressive graphics, the innovative battle system, the emotional story that perfectly balances bizarre fun with a deep, subtle story about growing up and leaving home...and, of course, the music. Earthbound is not a game that can be appreciated with a glance ("God, what baby graphics. Who made them, Crayola?") or a quick listen ("This music is too cutesy"). You're required to experience it from beginning to end. Admittedly, the music took a while to grow on me, but when it did, it hit me like a Mr Saturn to the face. Read More... Posted Aug 25 2008, 07:01 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: snes, earthbound, game music, super nintendo, 16-bit, nostalgia, nadia oxford, whatcha listening to, soundtrack

• Fun Fact: Dylan Cuthbert - The Genre Masher

  So you think PixelJunk Eden is a deliciously freeing, genre defying romp through psychadelia but that the whole experience is vaguely familiar somehow? Maybe that's because Eden was designed by the same dude who programmed Star Fox back on the Super Nintendo. In fact, a quick look at Dylan Cuthbert's history in game design shows a pattern of smashing game genre conventions, all the while producing addictive works of beauty. Way back in 1992, Dylan designed and programmed X, a first person shooter/puzzler that showed off wireframe 3D graphics on the Nintendo Game Boy, a feat that had never been achieved on the clunky grey box before OR after. Based on this exciting new style of gameplay, Nintendo hired Dylan's team at Argonaut Software to develop a 3D arcade shooter for the brand-new Super Nintendo. Read More... Posted Aug 11 2008, 02:00 PM by Derrick Sanskrit with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: playstation 3, game boy, derrick sanskrit, playstation 2, star fox, super nintendo, eden, pixeljunk, fun fact

• Super Mario World is Terrifying!

  Games are as varied as movie genres, meaning there are plenty of titles out there that exist for the purpose of making us poop our pants in fear. Silent Hill, Half-Life, Super Mario World... Wait, Super Mario World is frightening? It is if you're this guy. He's "never played Super Mario World before, and he's ready to bid farewell to his virginity while the world watches him (scream in horror). Obviously he's faking it, but it's still a pretty amusing watch. Especially if you know enough about the game to anticipate his reaction to Banzi Bills and half stepped-on Rex dinosaurs. But why act superior. We all freaked out a little at Super Mario World, right? My best friend's father jumped behind the couch when Bowser came soaring at the television screen during his last stand against Mario. Read More... Posted Aug 04 2008, 03:44 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with no comments Filed under: snes, super mario world, super nintendo, fan video, scary, humor

• Gamer Caskets Rob Your Grave (of Dignity!)

  You thought guys getting Master Chief tattoos were weird, how about a Halo or GTA IV coffin? Perhaps the ultimate expression of brand loyalty, a themed coffin is an excellent way to remind your surviving loved ones that what little identity you had on this earth was wrapped up in a piece of plastic and metal.  In an effort to reach out to gamers, Creative Coffins has mocked up a few designs that will appeal to tech enthusiasts, including Microsoft Vista and iPhone themes. Environmentally friendly! Quirky! Embarrassing!  Read More... Posted Jul 25 2008, 06:00 PM by Cole Stryker with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: castlevania 1, cole stryker, super nintendo, iphone, coffins, microsoft vista

• Chiptune Friday: Don't Just Stand There, Bust A Move!

  No, this is not a post about Young MC (oh, but if only...) John's comments on Bubble Bobble got me thinking about its puzzle spin-off, the wildly addictive and oft-copied Puzzle Bobble, or as it is more popularly known, Bust A Move (or, as it is more casually known, Snood). Read More... Posted Jul 11 2008, 01:00 PM by Derrick Sanskrit with | with no comments Filed under: derrick sanskrit, taito, chiptune friday, super nintendo, snood, bust a move, bubble bobble, puzzle bobble, puzzle

• The Chrono Trigger Port: Are You Excited or Disappointed?

  Though the 16-bit console wars were savage in the early '90s, the end was in sight by 1995 and the Super Nintendo was crowned the obvious winner. (Except by pouty Genesis fanboys who feebly compared Phantasy Star IV to Final Fantasy VI. I mean, it's a good try, but...nah.) The Genesis was panting and dry-heaving at the finish line, but the Super Nintendo barely broke a sweat. In fact, it looked healthier than ever thanks to an injection of A+ games at the end of its life. One such title was Chrono Trigger, a now-legendary RPG by Square(-Enix). We should all hope for the dignified hero's death that the Super Nintendo recieved thanks to Chrono Trigger's legacy. Read More... Posted Jul 02 2008, 07:30 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: remake, nintendo ds, rpg, chrono trigger, Playstation, square-enix, genesis, chrono cross, luca, port, marle, robo, super nintendo, phantasy star, crono, 16-bit, final fantasy iv, console wars