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Celebrity Confessions: Amy Winehouse & Blake Fielder-Civil

Posted by airheadgenius

Sort of a Celebrity Confession, but more of a Celebrity reveals all.


Our own (err, if you're from Blighty) Amy Winehouse, that sweet National train wreck, almost got to be re-united with her husband Blake Fielder-Civil today as he was due to be released on parole from the nick. But, he chose to stay in because a condition of his parole was that he wear an electronic tag and stay at his Mum's in Nottingham with a 7pm curfew.

Not desperately Rock n Roll is it?

What's a drug taking wild boy to do, but stay in the clink. So he did. But that's not the reveal. Oh no. The best is yet to come. Apparently there's been much speculation as to why Amy stays with this loser. He's not talented. He's mean. They've been seen in fist fights. He films her off her face and leaks videos to the press. Not exactly husband of the year material.

But, his one saving grace as exposed to the UK this very morning (by way of some new full-frontal photos on Amy's facebook page and The Sun) is that Mr Fielder-Civil is hung like the proverbial brewers horse.


And a big penis can go a very long way. To maintain a relationship I mean.

I never met a small penis until I moved to America in '94. Before then, they had all been in the 6-8'' range. Since living here, I've encountered several 5" ones and that just doesn't cut it for me.

Now, I've tried to back up my empirical evidence with statistical findings, but have come up short. Hehe. According to statistics, there is a certain amount of truth to the claim that one ethnic group swings bigger than average and another ethnic group tends to dangle smaller, but even that is not across the board.

My largest one to date was of the accepted shade for big ones, but the tiniest one ever was attached to a 6'5" man who, presumably, had been born into the wrong skin. Incongruous doesn't even begin to describe it.

So, ethnicity can sometimes, but not always, be a determining factor, but nationality apparently not. At least no one has studied it. Well, except me that is. And, to substantiate my claim, the aforementioned biggest one was English born and bred.

I have a theory about circumcision and penis size. You see, I'd also never met a cut one until I graced these shores. The ones I'd toyed with prior to '94 were all blissfully intact - just the way I like them. My medical opinion is that American members are so traumatised at having their protective covering cut off that they never meet their growth potential. My findings are being published in The Lancet any day now.

So there you have it beautiful people, English men have big penii. I hear Virgin Atlantic has a special if anyone wants to book a ticket.

And thus, aptly enough, on to my daily knob:

 By all accounts he's not very bright, but I wouldn't exactly want him for his conversation. The talented and packing Mr David Beckham. I hear he can bend it.

 

 The obligatory back catalogue:

The one that got awayThe Chick Facial File

Mirrors Confession plus Daily Knob!

Abusive?

Celebrity Confessions: Boy George Dick Trilogy Part 3

MORE dicks in my inbox

Dicks in your inbox

Read my Sodding Profile!

Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes

The Queen Confesses

The Arse Man Cometh

The Ass Play Chronicles

The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection

Bangin Ass

Deformed Dicks

Did I really dream that?

Why I don't date Celebrities

Fashionably late or just a slacker


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Sep 16 2008, 10:35 PM
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Comments

shakti_vos said:

nope, can't agree.  i've had some pretty intensely large American dick (yeah, the largest was African American, but some well hung American white dudes, too) and some pretty mediocre African African dick.  the smallest was a guy from India.  the only English bloke i bonked was a chick, so, i got nothing to say bout your peeps w/penii.  i just think that unless you've seen a sizable (no pun intended) number of dick in your day, from both countries, and can do the statistics, there's really no way your statement can be backed up scientifically.  

September 16, 2008 11:50 PM

xcalibur86 said:

I don't really follow much celebrity news. That said, from the little I've read and given the almost impossible choice between Winehouse and spending spending my days locked in a cage in the Scrubs with a 17-stone ex-oilfield worker from Aberdeen, the latter seems a no-brainer: "Knees to the ears laddie, and think of England."

September 17, 2008 3:48 AM

recycledbrooklyn said:

I don't have enough experience with penii of any ethnicity to have any credibility on the topic.  

Amy Winehouse is in the same situation a lot of people are though.  At least she can afford the drugs and liquor that take the edge off being involved with a scumbag.  

September 17, 2008 7:05 AM

airheadgenius said:

Shakti - I refuse to divulge whether or not it is an adequate study group for statistical analysis. You've only told half the tale though - have you encountered small dick here??? I've met both big and small in the US. Your sandwiches are bigger though - I'll grant you that.

xcalibur - ah, poor Amy. She happens to be an incredibly talented songwriter and musician. If you youtoob some of her old stuff - from 2003 and 04 you will see. She is a very good advert for abstaining from drugs and alcohol though.

recycled - I will take your word for it. Maybe if you're off yer tits 24/7 Fielder-Civil starts to look appealing? Lord knows he doesn't do it for me.

September 17, 2008 4:19 PM

xcalibur86 said:

AHG, I like her music.... she's just tough on the eyes.

September 17, 2008 5:01 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Oh don't get me wrong!  I'd totally shag Beckham.  He's so pretty!

September 17, 2008 6:50 PM

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