We exchanged emails back and forth and decided to meet for a drink at a restaurant. He was younger than me, according to his profile by about 5 years, but actually my guess would be more like a decade. Fresh faced did not even begin to describe it.
His conversation was stilted. I felt like I was being interviewed for the position of his (older) girlfriend and I don't do "interview" dates. In case it's escaped you whilst reading my blog, I have a lot to say and conversation tends to flow rather than having to be compartmentalised into "what do you do?" and "where did you go to college?" etc
I tried freestyle, but my date didn't seem comfortable with the format. Truth be told, he didn't seem comfortable at all.
He was nervous at best. In fact, like a rabbit caught in the headlights, this chap actually seemed afraid. Now before you naysayers - and you know who you are - think that he was disappointed in my appearance, let me assure you that I look like my photos. And he'd been impressed with my pictures and even more complimentary about actual me when we first sat down. So I don't think it was an "ewww, she's awful" that was making him jittery. Yet jittery he was.
See, there are men that deliberately date older women because they consider themselves to be more mature than their peers and find chicks their age to be too frivolous. Presumably some of these men are in fact more mature. There are also men who pretend to find their peers immature and see themselves as being "an old soul" for want of a better cliche, but many of this band of brothers are simply in denial about the fact that they have a Mommy complex.
This character fell into the mommy complex category and mommy was making him nervous. I tried to be kind. Instead of my usual full on self, I just smiled and listened, interjecting supportive pleasantries whilst desperately trying not to appear condescending.
He stammered and cleared his throat and drank glass after glass of water, barely touching his cocktail. I gave him an out: "You know, there's nothing worse than sitting through an hour with a date you're not into. I won't be in the least bit offended if you won't want to stay."
This induced the biggest stammer of all. Apparently he was very keen to see it through to the bitter end. So, I continued to smile and wave, smile and wave. (Well, without the wave as it happens. Just briefly channeling Madagascar)
I'd vaguely been aware of a gorgeous man entering the room. Usually I would've had a quick shufty, but I didn't want to unsettle my already unsettled date so I sat tight. But then gorgeous man came and sat at the table adjacent to my date and opposite me.
Hoooo-ey, he was fine.
And, can you stand it?!, he was checking me out.
Oh-fuck-ing-hell! The man was full on looking at me and I was sitting opposite another man that I had no interest in whatsoever.
There is a God and s/he's pissed that I am atheist.
I prayed, now that I'd seen the light, for my date to use the bathroom. At this point he had drunk about 3 litres of water, so surely nature would call at some point?? CALL NATURE CALL, I yelled in my head. But to no avail.
Gorgeous man struck up a conversation with us. US. Oh shit shit shit I cannot stand it. Nature!! MOTHER nature fachrissakes. Gorgeous man's voice was like treacle. I swooned. Now (those of you who know me will back this up), I can flirt at Olympic level. I've got this killer look that, by all accounts, has "I could do you a serious favour" written all over it. I toyed with the idea of flashing my eyes at him, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Not because i am not bold, because bold I am, but because I am a mother. And sitting opposite me was my little man-boy and I just couldn't do it to him.
So, I turned my attention to my date. And after a few more minutes, gorgeous man left. At that point the man-boy excused himself to use the bathroom as I inwardly bludgeoned myself to death with a bar stool.
I am practising the art of flinging my business card discreetly under the table and into a pocket. Just in case.
(p.s. Momma's boy asked me for a second date. I politely declined. I didn't think his Hooksexups could take it)
And moving swiftly on to my Daily Knob
(I ripped Daily Knob off Zeitgeisty's Daily Throb obviously. You can choose if you prefer the first or second generation product)
The delectable Joaquin Phoenix. He's been in some dodgy films for sure, but many a chick would like to hear him say "My face is leaving in 5 minutes, be on it."
The obligatory back catalogue:
Be sure not to miss this one: The Chick Facial File
Mirrors Confession plus Daily Knob!
Abusive?
Celebrity Confessions: Boy George Dick Trilogy Part 3
MORE dicks in my inbox
Dicks in your inbox
Read my Sodding Profile!
Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes
The Queen Confesses
The Arse Man Cometh
The Ass Play Chronicles
The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection
Bangin Ass
Deformed Dicks
Did I really dream that?
Why I don't date Celebrities
Fashionably late or just a slacker