Zeitgeisty just spit the dummy and accused me of being unoriginal. He seems a bit fragile, so in this instance I am going to prove him right lest he develop another complex. Unlike him, I don't delete pissy comments, so his gets to stay.

The Cunning Linguist trilogy was published before on my personal blog, so in that respect it's entirely unoriginal. I wrote them the first go around though and I hadn't even heard of the Mighty Z let alone read him.

It got a few smiles back then - let's see how you peeps like it...

 

Cunning Linguist Wanted l:

A few years ago, I lived with a beautiful man who was the most cunning linguist I had ever met. The relationship was a mess, but that particular bar was set very high. And, alas for me, no one's been able to reach it. Several men have claimed to be cunning linguists, but they were mistaken, some woefully.

Saying you like it doesn't make you an expert. In the same way that a love of sports enjoyed from the sofa does not make you an athlete. And just because you can speak really fast doesn't mean that anything useful is coming out of your mouth. It's just mere tongue wagging.

There's guides you know? To becoming cunning. If you wrote an essay, you might use a dictionary right? - if you weren't sure how to spell all the words. The more adventurous of you might even go as far as using a thesaurus - you know, to learn some *new* words that you didn't know existed let alone had tried. There's so much more to language than writing your abc's. In fact, writing your abc's doesn't fly with me at all.

My old room mate from college used to take his men swimming before taking them to bed, to check that they were packing. If only there was a test for the cunning linguist. A stage before the oral one I mean. Maybe my next date will be at an Ice Cream parlour. I hate to waste my precious time. And that really is a deal breaker for me.

So, gentlemen, take a Master Class and when you are a qualified cunning linguist, feel free to speak to me in tongues.

 

Cunning Linguist Wanted ll

A cunning linguist begins his speech covering broad subjects. He tries various topics to see which is the best crowd pleaser. He pays attention to his audience and sticks with a certain subject if he detects a heightened interest, broaching that one thoroughly. But, a great orator does not allow his audience to become complacent. Even when he knows he has his audiences attention, he might digress just a little to keep them on their toes. He listens attentively to comments, whether they are direct statements, murmurs of agreement or even screams from the gallery. He never dismisses these noises as arbitrary as he knows that they can make the difference between a gentle round of applause or a standing ovation.

A good audience likes to have many areas covered, but there is always one key topic that holds their attention. When the orator finds the recipient of his speech tense with anticipation, this is the time to say the same thing over and over again. This is never a good time to change the subject as doing so can find the orator thrown from the auditorium.

A cunning linguist always delivers a grand speech, not just a line or two,, even though it takes time and effort on his part. He persists, always taking his conversation to it's grand finale, even if his tongue aches from all that talking. At the end, he basks in the glow of his own and his audiences exhaustion, knowing that a monologue well delivered will reap it's own rewards. Man, I could use a good talking to...

 

Cunning Linguist Part IIl

One very important thing I forgot to mention... How ever much you disagree with your audience's reaction, do not under any circumstances shake your head. Yes, by all means have your head undulate with the rise and fall of your cadence, but a shake, no. An aggressive shake could not only have you kicked from the auditorium, but it might even result in a detrimental effect on, if not your oratory equipment, then the pen and ink wells of your writing paraphernalia. . Shaking the head is for a dog with a rat or a cat with a mouse. And one should never confuse a cat with a pussy.

 

 

 For tongue size alone, I had to pretty much pick Mr Jagger, up to 1980 maybe.

 

 

The obligatory back catalogue:

Cunnilingus

Fabulous at 40

Winehouse Reveals

The Chick Facial File

Mirrors

Confession plus Daily Knob!

Abusive?

Celebrity Confessions: Boy George

Dick Trilogy Part 3

MORE dicks in my inbox

Dicks in your inbox

Read my Sodding Profile!

Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes

The Queen Confesses

The Arse Man Cometh

The Ass Play Chronicles

The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection

Bangin Ass

Deformed Dicks

Did I really dream that?

Why I don't date Celebrities

Fashionably late or just a slacker