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Hooksexup Confessions: Why Can't We Be Friends?

Posted by spjv840

 

Maybe this first confession wasn't about someone contacting an ex and trying to be friends, but for some reason that's how I read it and understood it. (correct me if I'm wrong)

"I didn't contact you to stir up trouble. I wanted to try to be the friends you always said we were."

I was only ever able to be friends with one ex. I wouldn't trade that friendship for anything. I could never be friends with DreamBoy because it just got too messy at the end and he ended up saying things that he shouldn't have said (I often wonder if ever regrets that - do we ever, though?). The ironic part about that one is that before we dated, and many years ago, we were best friends and I had refused to date him because I didn't want to "ruin the friendship". Funny how shit works out sometimes.

"I think maybe I shouldn't be friends with you. I thought if I just acted like normal friends the depression from what you did would go away with time. But it hasn't. Maybe we shouldn't be friends."

"I really need to talk to a friend right now and the only person I trust with a secret (all of my other friends and I are so close, nothing is ever kept for long) is my "ex". But, I'm afraid he'll take my need for a "friend" as something more."

I never understood why women (and some men) always seem to insist on trying to be friends with exes. Unless you had some kind of great friendship within the relationship, friendship after breaking up seems not only pointless, but not possible. I know a few couples who have been together for a while and you can tell that while they do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing great, they also have a great friendship base. I've also seen a lot of couples that you damn well know if they weren't banging each other, they'd probably hate each other.



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+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Oct 27 2008, 09:07 AM
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Comments

profrobert said:

I'm friends with a lot of ex'es.  Some were serious relationships where, after a time, we both concluded we shouldn't be a couple, but all the other reasons we liked each other were still there.  Some were FWB where when the WB part became inappropriate (one of us got into a serious relationship), we nonetheless had the F part.  The key to a successful post-sexual platonic friendship is for both parties to be on the same page.  The exceptions have been people one of us didn't want to let go of romatically, or conduct so outrageous that acceptance was not possible, or simply too much indifference in the first place.

October 27, 2008 5:25 PM

Toluca_86 said:

well for me, trying to be friends with someone seems like the "right thing" to do.  I think there's a lot of complicated psychology, for me.  I know that as liberal as I try to be I can't get past the feeling that I'm being judged for who I choose to be with, that their actions reflect on me -that, in fact, negative experience does "tarnish" me to some extent...  I was just raised in a more sexually conservative environment, where it was made out to be this terribly serious thing that people sometimes engaged in inappropriately and then it was everyone's business.

Umm... so back to the OP, I feel like if I didn't twist myself into knots worrying about whether I made a mistake last time, or whether or not some guy I still like still has feelings for me, being friends would involve a lot less strife...  It does seem like the "human" thing to do, after all -at least in a hippy-dippy idealist way.  Live and learn together...  I've heard of some people being on and off for 10 years, for instance, and then getting married after feeling older and wiser.

October 27, 2008 8:15 PM

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