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Sex Machine: Asymmetrical Knobbage

Posted by airheadgenius

(I just spent an inordinate amount of time google searching for the right shot and got an eyeful of interesting images, but not the one I am looking for. Work with me here people...)

 

 

I met a potential something-or-other recently. A single man who was particularly attentive in other words.

Good looking in a retro geeky cool kinda way - bearded and bespectacled. Dressed in a t and jeans.
With an immediate "ewwww, this is not sexy" deal breaker.
His tackle was all stuffed down one side of his pants leaving the other side of the zipper bereft and as flat as a pancake.

No no and thrice no.

Why do some men do that? Is it comfortable? Or merely a means to showcase a biggie? Or create a biggie out of a smallie? Dunno, but it skeeves me to no end.

In tight undies, inevitably one side of the trousers is going to bulge more than the other depending whether the man dresses to the left or right. And even in shorts, unless the penis in question is remarkably well behaved, it's likely that the package won't be symmetrical, but all your bits on one side???

I can't imagine the female equivalent - both tits in one bra cup? Or is it the same as a camel toe? Do men like that by the way??

The chap in question appeared to be well endowed which is, of course, usually a plus. But the presentation distracted me and I just couldn't get past it. Or get on it, as the case may have been. Note to men though - granted the uni-package does make a small one look a little larger, but like a padded bra, it's really false advertising. And is it worth looking like a tool to showcase your sub-par penii?

Anyway, no asymmetrical knobbage for me thank you, so if that's your style, please keep it moving.

I know I am shallow. Ya needn''t hold the front page with that bit of news.

 

 

Ooooo, so who shall I pick for a knobbage conversation???

Ok, so this is Linford Christie. He is a British Olympic Athlete from the early 90s. He was famous for his speed and also famous for the fact that he wore lycra shorts and was blessed with a biggie. And his abs are nothing to sneeze at either.  

 

 

The obligatory back catalogue:

Cunning Linguist

Cunnilingus

Fabulous at 40


Winehouse Reveals

The Chick Facial File

Mirrors

Confession plus Daily Knob!

Abusive?

Celebrity Confessions: Boy George

Dick Trilogy Part 3

MORE dicks in my inbox

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Read my Sodding Profile!

Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes

The Queen Confesses

The Arse Man Cometh

The Ass Play Chronicles

The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection

Bangin Ass

Deformed Dicks

Did I really dream that?

Why I don't date Celebrities

Fashionably late or just a slacker


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Sep 21 2008, 01:42 PM
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Comments

recycledbrooklyn said:

I figure it's my job to make sure that the wrapping is all in order.  My knob makes its own decisions whether it wants to go right or left.  

September 21, 2008 2:34 PM

extraneux said:

Am I the only one thoroughly confused by this entry? How is anything *but* asymmetry even possible (unless of course, you have two penises)?

September 21, 2008 3:11 PM

airheadgenius said:

recycled - rein it in man fachrissakes. I assume that anything other than tighty whiteys gives a little room for manoeuver (sorry, can't spell American) and it's nice to let the little chap bounce around a bit. Little being a relative term and not a reflection on your knob which I trust is man sized.

extra - my thought on it, and of course it's from a second hand point of view since I am not secretly packing a penis, is that a small amount of asymmetry is inevitable. The problem comes, again purely from my perspective, when a man makes a deliberate decision to stuff all he's got down one leg of his trousers. It requires the trouser to be worn too high and also results in too much butt cleavage. If one is to be purist about it.

September 21, 2008 3:34 PM

spjv840 said:

Oh hell, this made me giggle like a school girl. I think, depending on the guy, this is either somewhat attractive or completely repulsive. I remember seeing this weird..package bulge on one very attractive older man in too tight jeans and thinking "hot damn!", meanwhile on every other man i've seen this on, it's just completely wrong in every sense. Although, at least we know they're packin', right? No bendable penis in sight for these guys.

September 21, 2008 3:54 PM

Wilburis said:

Easy. For me, if my junk goes right in the middle, the mouth of my penis runs right across along the seam of my boxer shorts. It's like getting a paper cut. Ouch.

September 21, 2008 8:51 PM

didodent36 said:

My first hand (and occasional second hand) knowledge with the aforementioned knobby topic, is that the "knob", (or maybe "door knocker" is a more apt metaphor), usually can "swing" (?) left or right of the crotch inseam, and still seem fairly "in place". The testicular asymmetry of which you speak is a result of the "doorbells" being placed to one side of the inseam... and trust me it ain't very comfortable...

That being said... Do I need to take down one of my pics? Now you got me all self conscious...

September 21, 2008 11:32 PM

xcalibur86 said:

I despise tight clothes.

September 22, 2008 5:35 AM

shakti_vos said:

i can't imagine someone doing that on purpose.  it seems incredibly uncomfortable. but, i don't tend to stare at men's crotches, so maybe it's far more common than i realize.

September 22, 2008 7:33 AM

airheadgenius said:

spjv - gotta ask... how old was the "much older man"?? If you say 40, I may have to travel to Canada and pop ya. The only way I can work with this is if the man in question normally has evenly(ish) spread knobbage, but his penis when erect and in jeans, has no choice but to slide down one leg. That can be pretty hot in a bar for instance.

wilburis - and this is yet another reason why boys should get to keep their foreskin. A paper cut is no fun on a finger, let alone a knob.

September 22, 2008 9:41 AM

airheadgenius said:

diodent - "doorbells" - luvvit. See that's the bit that kills me - deliberate stuffage of doorbells down leg. Too contrived for my liking. Now I have to go check out your profile. Back in a bit - talk amongst yourselves...

You seem to be managing your paraphernalia quite nicely. Well done that man!

September 22, 2008 9:44 AM

airheadgenius said:

xcalibur - well there goes my fantasy of you in a corset.

shakti - you don't stare at men's crotches??? What on earth is wrong with you woman!! I am a body-parts stare-atter from way back.

September 22, 2008 9:46 AM

askmeanything said:

Guess I don't look down enough - I've never ever noticed this, let alone often enough to have it be a pet peeve.  I'm not even sure what this would look like.

I guess I don't generally like it when men wear pants so tight that anything other than a suggestion is visible anyway.  Pants are not the male equivalent of a tight sweater on a buxom woman, IMO.

September 22, 2008 9:56 AM

CJ said:

It's not your shallowness, so much as your... stupidity?

September 22, 2008 4:04 PM

anathema_teatime said:

I remember a guy at my gym who wore lycra shorts so tight that it was clear he was circumcised. It's kinda hard to stop looking at a spectacle like that even though I really wanted to not only tear my eyes away but maybe boil them in Listerine to cleanse them.

September 22, 2008 4:21 PM

xcalibur86 said:

AHG, for you I'd make the exception...

September 22, 2008 5:37 PM

airheadgenius said:

askme - How right you are. The male form looks better loosely drapped I think. Even hard bodies look better that way and it's only kind with flabby bodies.

CL - Ooooo aren't you just delightful! I have an IQ of 155, so stupidity isn't a label that fits me particularly well. But, you are of course entitled to your opinion. Stop back often. I've got a thing for trolls.

anathema - yikes! That does sound as if it would be hard to look away. You should have put on your sunglasses and ogled to your hearts content.

xcalibur - ahh, bless your cotton socks.

September 22, 2008 6:46 PM

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