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Date Night: Do you need digits?

Posted by airheadgenius

I had a date last night.
I almost cancelled at the last minute.
Why I hear you cry? (Even if it's you, singular and I know who you are)
Because the man in question seemed reluctant to furnish me with his phone number.



We've been exchanged emails for a while. He contacted me at the beginning of the summer right when I was about to embark on an 8 week vacation, so I said I'd be in touch on my return.

Emails ensued when I got back state side and we arranged to meet. Now I am not one to talk on the phone with a potential suitor so didn't need to call him, but getting to a place on time is no mean feat and sometimes I just can't manage it. Before you start with me on the passive aggressive nature of lateness, let me assure you that I know all about it. And then some. Getting out of one's home on time when one is just one is like falling off a log. Getting out of the house when there's a babysitter and two little children involved is hardly an exact science.

So, "please text me your number" was my plea. But a text came there not. I asked again to no avail. Once we finalised the destination, I asked a third time for his number, with the assurance that I was not the stalking type in case that was his concern. But again, nothing. It occurred to me that I'd actually asked for it three times and so I started to get a bit anxious that there was a sinister plot behind his refusal to give up the digits.

You peeps don't know me from a bar of soap, but suffice it to say that I am not the anxious type. I've taken on many a "Hooksexups of steel" type project without so much as a missed night of sleep, but this little episode was bringing out the paranoid in me.

See, I've heard of tales of Internet dates when one party walks into the bar, takes a shufty at their date and promptly turns on their heel and walks out. Luckily, this has never happened to me, but just in case I always call as I am nearing the venue to check that my date has arrived. I've developed this habit of calling as I walk into the bar. My date is then on the phone and more easily identifiable. It saves me scanning the bar for a man that's not there with the feeling that I've got a dirty great "I'm on a blind date" sign on my back. Plus, once in a while I keep talking on the phone even as I am standing next to the man in question because I'm juvenile like that.

And beyond that, as mentioned, there's always the possibility that I am 15 minutes late and I like to give my date a heads up, just in case he's the nervous type.

My day yesterday was hectic. I worked in the morning, did all kinds of house maintenance projects in the afternoon (the perils of being a landlord) and then cooked dinner for my kids. By the time I started contemplating getting ready, I was exhausted and had this weird feeling that I was going to get stood up. I just didn't have the energy for what could've been my first "I've been stood up" ever, so I wrote one last border-line snippy email saying something like "I am really not comfortable meeting you without getting your phone number first. Please text me or I am going to have to cancel". It was kind of formal and not "me" at all.

30 minutes later a call came in: "Sorry I didn't send it earlier. Completely slipped my mind. See you at 7.30".
I felt like a chump.

Very nice chap too.

Anyway Date Machine divas and dudes, how do you feel about meeting someone without a phone number and have you ever been stood up?

 

So, he's not always my cup of tea, but Brad Pitt in Fight Club  is pretty spectacular. There's that scene when he's at a cosmetics counter and his pants are sitting really low, showing his hip bones... 

 



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Posted Sep 22 2008, 09:46 PM
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Comments

Toluca_86 said:

I don't blame you.  I do independent contracting of a somewhat "personal" nature, and I get pretty uncomfy when someone who's contacted me to work won't send me some important info after I've asked a couple of times.

September 22, 2008 10:44 PM

spjv840 said:

I don't require a number of anyone. I figure if they want to give it to me, they will. Can't stand the telephone, calling, being called, whatever. If I have the option of giving an email address instead of a phone number, I'd more likely do that.

September 23, 2008 1:35 PM

shakti_vos said:

i've never been stood up, but there's always that possibility, i suppose.  i don't like to give anyone identifying information, i even have a special non-identifying email address for would-be suitors.  i want their phone number, but hesitate giving mine.  i guess because i know i'm not a stalker.  

September 23, 2008 10:37 PM

profrobert said:

I've never heard of someone not giving up a cell number if asked.  That would be truly weird.  As for home numbers, if you're past a couple of dates and a guy won't give you a home number, I'd start to wonder if he's married (though I do understand that many people are giving up their landlines, so this may obsolete as red flags go).

September 24, 2008 1:28 AM

askmeanything said:

@profrobert

Well if you do the first time intimacy at the other person's place, it's harder to miss the presence of a spouse.  Most people aren't that good at hiding nor are most spouses so clean as to leave no traces of their presence.

September 24, 2008 4:13 PM

dreaminstereo said:

AHG, I am so totally with you.  Without a number, I would have never showed up for that date.  In this city, I continuously find that people are more likely to be flaky than not.  We could talk to that subject in great detail, but that's for another time.

It's the 21st century.  It's a phone number.  It isn't a bank account number.  If someone doesn't feel comfortable enough with me to give me a phone number - which is really a small, reasonably less-than-critical piece of personal information in the overall scheme of things - then they are not comfortable enough to be meeting me anywhere for a date.

September 25, 2008 1:26 PM

thea said:

No phone number means he's married. That's it.

September 30, 2008 10:18 PM

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