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Date Machine

Date Machine: My latest batch of Dating Confessions...TRANSLATIONS!!!..plus the daily throb

Posted by zeitgeisty

Again, sometimes the more direct simple answer is the TRUTHIEST... Hence my latest batch of TRANSLATIONS of some selected Dating Confessions...

"Yes, last night was fun. Yes, this morning was better. No, that look you gave me as you walked out the door and looked back at me didn't clear things up. No, I am not as level headed or cold as I seem. Yes, I could and maybe do like you. But am I going to call first? Nope. Be a man and tell me you want to see me again. Until then, don't come back to my house."

Oh.. didn't I happen to mention that I'm QUEEN OF THE BALLBUSTERS!!!!

"After having sex with your overweight self... I never knew how much BETTER it would be with someone who wasn't fat. Keep kidding yourself that ALL guysin the IT world are FAT. Because, if that's the case; I'll keep my barista."

I got dumped for constantly calling my nerdy boyfriend with a good job a fat ass, so I went out and fucked the tattooed hipster that works in the coffee shop, now I'm regretting it...

"we both know what we did. and we both dont regret it, as far as i know. so please just talk to me."

Oh man... I think this guy just fucked his mother...

"Would it kill you to tell me you loved me? That you miss me? Or to even call me or text me? Just fucking say hi. I'm the most depressed that I've ever been in, and all you can do it sit around and talk to that asshole that you just met. And we're still dating!"

Face it dude... she's about 10 seconds away from fucking that asshole.

"Someone I dated 8 years ago left me to get married. I've kept in touch (a little) and she seems mostly melancholy--not tragically damaged, but not happy or lively either. That almost makes up for having been dumped so she could get married 8 years ago."

by 'keeping in touch' I mean stalking her on myspace...


"The next guy who tells me how beautiful and amazing I am, and how I should never settle, and who DOESN'T WANT TO DATE ME, is getting a fucking punch in the face."

Jesus... they were just being nice!! What did you want them to say, you're a completely uninteresting woof woof that's most probably going to spend the rest of your life alone.. or maybe with 20 cats?..

"My boyfriend and I fantasize about having a mfm threesome. He wants to make it a reality...I think it's best left as a fantasy, but only because I think that's why it's so hot. Doing it might actually leave us disappointed in the end."

Your boyfriend is gay.

 

 

 

 mamacita... Rosario Dawson!!!

 

 I'm a breast man... the JUGS file

John McCain makes my peepee go limp

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS

My internet dating advice

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

All Porn SUCKS!!

The night PAULINA and I discussed sex

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

 Hooksexup Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

BITE ME! - Snark.

My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past

Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file

Talk dirty to me!!

I abstain! The fear to fuck

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

BITE ME!!!

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

The brass ring

 

 

 

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Sep 28 2008, 09:17 PM
Filed under: , , , , , , , ,

Comments

xcalibur86 said:

Yeaah, you pretty much nailed them all.. Good show, man.

September 28, 2008 10:10 PM

zeitgeisty said:

ha.. thanks my man!

September 28, 2008 10:13 PM

bananas15 said:

nah, you know what, I've held off replying 'til I'd read enough of your stuff, but now that I have, I've come to the conclusion that you are definitely the weakest link, man. You're not funny and your observations are not even as interesting as my virgin Amish friend would give up.

September 29, 2008 6:52 AM

zeitgeisty said:

awww thanks!..

September 29, 2008 8:31 AM

mr_krimp said:

You owe me for a new monitor, I just spit out my morning coffee all over it from laughter!

September 29, 2008 9:27 AM

tunkosunko said:

Bananas15 are you retarded?

September 29, 2008 9:43 AM

vix_en25 said:

someone paid bananas to say that.

September 29, 2008 10:41 AM

zeitgeisty said:

I think he's just insecure due to his freakishly small banana... He needs to lash out, like a cranky lil' baby with a tiny pee pee..

www.flickr.com/.../820113019

September 29, 2008 10:46 AM

zeitgeisty said:

Check's in the mail Krimpy baby!

September 29, 2008 11:59 AM

loobetchka said:

Bananas wouldn't know funny if it wriggled up his leg and bit him on his tiny pee pee.

What's with you and attracting complete douchebag commenters?

I don't know how you can stand it.

September 29, 2008 4:31 PM

vix_en25 said:

people don't seem to appreciate anything that isn't a cliché sex and the city type of post.

September 29, 2008 5:29 PM

zeitgeisty said:

Thank you my loves!

September 29, 2008 5:32 PM

Toluca_86 said:

I haven't seen any cliche "sex and the city" type posts on the dating machine.  (Unless by "sex and the city type" you mean "written from a woman's perspective".)  And spjv had someone say horrible things about one of her entries, and you, zeitgeisty, insulted ahg's.  And amboabe got ridiculed by a few posters for the way he acted towards one date.  I don't see any unbalanced picking-ons going on 'round here... and all of the others managed to take it without insulting their detractors (well, so far as I saw).

But I would guess that you, Zeitgeisty, get most of the mainstream-culture heterosexual male support.  Different bloggers for different audiences...

September 29, 2008 8:25 PM

Toluca_86 said:

Oh I guess I could also mention that... at some point in your two Dating Confession translations entries I know for a fact that you completely misinterpreted one of the "confessions"...

oh vell.  I think it would be interesting if we could make comments on confessions so you could see /everyone's/ opinions...

September 29, 2008 8:30 PM

loobetchka said:

I guess the other bloggers get the asshole contingent then.

September 29, 2008 8:35 PM

zeitgeisty said:

If you thought I misinterpreted a confession, feel free to comment on it... Let me hear what your take on it was.

September 29, 2008 8:39 PM

zeitgeisty said:

By the way, I don't think I get the 'mainstream culture heterosexual male support'.. That's a total load of bullshit... I don't know what your idea of 'mainstream' is, but it sure seems way off the mark to me...

September 29, 2008 8:41 PM

zeitgeisty said:

One final point... what audience do YOU belong to, 'cause babe.. you've been reading me everyday since I started.

September 29, 2008 10:15 PM

Toluca_86 said:

"I guess the other bloggers get the asshole contingent then."

loobetchka, since you were responding to me, does that mean you're calling anyone who's not a heterosexual male (or else, who's not a fan of zeitgeisty) an asshole?  You make a point so eloquently, sir... (the question is, whose point?)

September 30, 2008 12:30 AM

Toluca_86 said:

Also zeitgeisty,

Maybe to make this more interesting, if you /don't/ think "mainstream" heterosexual male readers would like or agree with the things you write, why not, exactly?  And who do you "envision" your audience being, exactly?

September 30, 2008 12:34 AM

zeitgeisty said:

That's actually a great question... Who do I personally envision my audience to be...

Well, I can tell you what I would hope it to be... Intelligent, truth seeking people of no particular gender, race or sexual orientation... Anyone who's up for a good laugh.. Someone who doesn't mind plain talk...

To tell you the truth, I'll admit right here, I don't know if this forum truly is a place where I could find MY real audience... I will say this though, when I hear people lash out with knee jerk gut reaction, I know that I'm doing my job in a place like this... At the very least I'm poking people out of their complacency.. nudging them out of their little fixed mind set....

Again, is this my ideal forum... nah... Still, that's not going to prevent me from what I do.

As for you.. keep it coming, I think actually a lot of interesting stuff comes out of the positions you take contrary to me... Hey I think it's valuable anyway.. what the fuck, the worlds crashing down around our ears anyway, might as well have some interesting conversation.

September 30, 2008 12:43 AM

vix_en25 said:

I actually have nothing against the 'sex and the city' type of post, or the woman's perspective. maybe it's just that it's so much like what my friends talk about that it's nice to read something else.

September 30, 2008 4:34 AM

zeitgeisty said:

Funny all this talk of sex and the city.. I was just having a conversation the other day about how much I fucking loathe that show...

September 30, 2008 9:58 AM

vix_en25 said:

its my guilty pleasure. but so is crack, so maybe I should quit both and live a better life.

September 30, 2008 11:48 AM

zeitgeisty said:

crack is wack!!.. unless we're talking about a vagina or an asshole...

September 30, 2008 4:39 PM

vix_en25 said:

crack IS wack.

September 30, 2008 5:14 PM

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

CONFESS HERE!

ABOUT THE BLOG

DATE MACHINE explores the triumphs and tragedies of your dating confessions. Look here for commentary, dating advice, and our own salacious (or ridiculous) dating stories.

OUR BLOGGERS

FishnetsAndLight

Professional Dominatrix, lapsed English major and token black chick extraordinaire. I'm also a great big perv. Bend over.

Location:New York, New York
Looking for: Those who aren't too afraid.

Zeitgeisty

I'm an existentialist trapped in the body of a rational humanist. I've got a penchant for misanthropy and a flair for the obvious. I'm quick with a joke or a light up your smoke, but there's someplace that I'd rather be. I'm Zeitgeisty, pleased to meet me I'm sure. Visit my blog at www.walruscomix.com/zeitgeisty.

Location: Somewhere on the isle of Manhattan...
Looking for: A shining good deed in a weary world...

Airheadgenius

I am a fish out of water - an opinionated cheeky smiling English chick in a land of larger than life Americans. I don't understand the culture. I don't understand asking if we're exclusive. I don't understand this weird practice of decapitating penises. Some days I am definitely MILF material. Other days I feel more like the material on the inside of yer grannys' handbag.

Location: Brooklyn
Looking for: A stunning socialist with a propensity to pick winning lottery numbers

amboabe

I'm a smart ass writer who'll argue your ear off, hold your hand close, and tell you the truth whenever. I'm a fool and a hero, a confessional soul, and lover of life in every conceivably absurd way that it can come. I also paint my toenails.

Location: San Francisco
Looking for: A sail, not an anchor.

spjv840

Slightly neurotic, over-analyzing girl..err, woman, with too much charm for the average person to handle. Has a fondness for red wine, cheap beer and a good time.

Location: The Igloo, Canada
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