So last night I rented the Sex and the City movie and I have to say, it was far worse than I’d even imagined it could be.
Now, I’m not gonna play it all cool and say I’ve never seen the show, ‘cause I have. In fact I would actually say I kind of enjoyed it when it first ran. At the time, it definitely captured that whole late 90s vibe, and it did come at relationships from a slightly fresh perspective - albeit the gay male perspective namely Michael Patrick King et.al. So, all that being said, I must say I was a TAD intrigued as to how the movie would turn out. Well I did… it turned out…
lamely.
First off, could Sarah Jessica Parker look any worse? I mean, not to be mean here, because I actually thought she was attractive at one point - I dunno, sue me I found her charming from time to time - but in this movie she was actively homely - aggressively even. Maybe she had lost too much weight for the role, or that she hasn’t aged well, but I actually found it distracting. I mean, there were certain angles where I actually gasped.
Still, that’s just shallow aesthetics.The real problems with this movie were innumerable.
Ok… Let me throw this out there. You know how in every lame 80s movie there’s always a scene/montage where some idiot dresses up in different outfits – usually because said idiot is preparing to go on some big date with someone that’s ‘way out of their league’ – and he/she shows off these outfits to their friends, usually accompanied by an extremely cheesy song which rocks far too triumphantly?
Well there was not just ONE of those scenes in this movie… there were TWO.
Sigh… what else? In a nutshell, it’s hard to take seriously the stale drama trumped up my Michael Patrick King of a bunch of rapidly aging and in some cases aged morons. First off it wasn’t that dramatic and second it just was all so rote, so tired, so blahsville. For those that haven’t seen it...
Big ‘sort of’ leaves Carrie at the alter… He actually just kind of freaks out for a few minutes, but then comes back almost immediately and is ready to get married, but then Carrie yells at him and doesn’t see him for 6 months.
Of course the night before Miranda tells Big they’re crazy to get married.. a tidbit she fails to tell Carrie for 6 months and this helped cause Big's temporary anxiety. Meanwhile, Miranda stops having sex with her husband for 6 months so he fucks some other chick once, and she moves out to another apartment, even though Steve's filled with remorse.
6 months seems to be a theme here… Actually, the movie was so long it felt like 6 months.
Hmm… what else? Oh yeah.. somewhere in there, 50 year old Samantha just can’t stop being a total whore and breaks up with her boyfriend that loves her and stood by her through her chemotherapy just so she could go and fuck some more random guys, as she still hadn’t gotten that out of her system. It’s always funny to me how Samantha’s obvious psychological problem was just treated as a joke. This person is an obvious sex addict, with severe issues. I mean people go to clinics for this.. just ask David Duchovny!!..
Anyway, it all ends up that Carrie and Big get back together, and you’re not really even sure why they broke up or why it took 6 months for them to even TALK. Steve and Miranda get back together too, although if I were Steve I would have ran for the hills.. Jesus what a ball busting harridan Miranda is. Yeah, and somewhere in there Charlotte shits in her pants, and gets pregnant and Carrie hires some obligatorily sassy black assistant – I think it was Jennifer Hudson – who saved all of Big’s love letters to Carrie without showing them to her for 6 months, until Carrie has to figure it out on her own. Yet, for some reason we're still supposed to love the assistant as she's sassy.. and her name is Louise, and she comes from St. Louis. Yes they make a PUN out of this...
Did I happen to mention this movie was lame?
Now.. on top of it just being a horribly constructed, oddly paced, and generally smelly, it was also class-ist, judgmental, unfunny, and filled with over the top wealth, just rammed down your throat in an obscene way. These are women that do not in any way, shape or form remind me of anyone I’ve ever met, and I’ve been having ‘Sex in the city’ now for over 10 years.
Anyway, I feel better. This review has been just as crappy and disjointed as the movie was, so I feel in some small way, I’ve executed a micron of revenge.
Rachel Aldana... Britain's world largest natural breasts...
commitment phobia is a myth
Translations...
TYPES
Do.. do women really suck in bed?
The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality
50 sexual expereiences I've never had
Dating COnfessions translations
I'm a breast man... the JUGS file
John McCain makes my peepee go limp
Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.
My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS
My internet dating advice
What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women
All Porn SUCKS!!
The night PAULINA and I discussed sex
How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?
Hooksexup Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!
Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file
The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file
'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file
BITE ME! - Snark.
My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past
Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file
Talk dirty to me!!
I abstain! The fear to fuck
The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.
BITE ME!!!
Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file
The brass ring