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  • Question of the Day: Why Can’t I Play Online?



    It’s getting bad. Ugly even. A friend walks up to me and asks the simple question, “Hey, John, what are you playing right now?” Then I think of the backlog. It’s a pile of games sitting by the consoles, a gargantuan mass of briefly played games, none of them seen to completion. I started Persona 4 in December! MadWorld? Yeah that first stage was a hell of a good time, for sure. My plan to beat Vagrant Story by March? Didn’t work out so much. What’s worse than the line up of single player games sitting by the boxes is the pile of those other games. Some of them I’ve even “finished”. You know the ones I’m talking about. The games that you’re supposed to play with other real live human beings over the internet. Resident Evil 5 without pushing around an artificial intelligence. Left4Dead with more than two people in split-screen. Racing in Burnout Paradise against, you know, drivers. Those games. The ones that keep slipping to the bottom of the backlog.

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  • Microsoft’s New Year’s Resolution



    For the second time in history, an American company has created a massively successful videogame console. Microsoft’s Xbox 360 is, without doubt, America’s greatest triumph since the Atari 2600. Of course, this is discounting personal computers of all stripes, and even the achievements of Microsoft’s first green-tinged box devoted to gaming. But 28 million consoles sold worldwide is a monumental feat for any gaming machine and, contrary to some speculation late last year, it looks like the system’s sales have yet to plateau. As far as creativity and growth of the medium, Microsoft pioneered downloadable content on home consoles, established one of the first easily accessible independent games services, and brought online gaming into more homes than ever before. Not to mention how they’ve published some of the most enjoyable traditional gaming fare — shooters like Halo 3 and Gears of War as well as RPGs like Fable 2 — of the last two years. Yes, kudos to you Microsoft. Ya done good.

    BUT YOU CAN DO BETTER! What’s up with 2009, guys? Halo Wars? That’s what you’ve got? Where’s Alan Wake, you punks! Ninja Blade? How about a freaking action game without a ninja in it?! Geez!

    Okay, okay. I am calm now. I am fine. Announcing some great first-party software for the 360 would be a pretty logical resolution for Bill Gates’ house of pancakes. But I was thinking more along the lines of modernization.

    Microsoft should resolve to make Xbox Live free to all Xbox 360 owners in 2009.

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  • Little Big Trailblazer: Revisiting Mega Man Powered Up, User-Generated Content Pioneer

    When I wrote up Where Is the PSP a few days back, I left out the fact that I’m largely responsible for the neglect of my own little Sony portable. Not because I haven’t been buying games, but because I haven’t taken the time to properly equip the thing to take full advantage of its potential. Up until yesterday, I had been using the same 32MB memory stick that came with my launch PSP back in 2005, pretty much cutting me off from any and all downloadable content available and, more often than not, limiting my ability to even update its firmware. Well, thanks to some good ol’fashioned Black Friday scavenging, my PSP has eight honking gigabytes to play with. I updated the firmware (I was a full version behind apparently), browsed the recently launched PSP PSN store (functional!), and grabbed some demos (Syphon Filter lives up to its reputation). But once the house cleaning and redecoration was finished, I moved on to the real impetus behind the upgrade: finally exploring Mega Man Powered Up’s DLC and user-generated levels.

    This remake of Mega Man’s original adventure is really the unsung harbinger of the current gaming zeitgeist. Not only is it a lavish remake of a two-dimensional classic, not only did it lay the groundwork for Mega Man’s triumphant 8-bit rebirth, but it boasts one of console and portable gaming’s beefiest level creation tools.

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  • Ceci N'Est Pas Une 1-Up: The Surrealist Future of Postpunk Gaming

    While reading Rip It Up and Start Again, Simon Reynolds’ sharp history of postpunk, I started thinking about videogames. I’m nothing if not predictable, I know. There’s a slight corollary between the gaming zeitgeist and punk rock. Not politically, of course. Videogames are, at least popularly, more conservative today than they’ve ever been. Just look at Bobby Kotick’s reasoning for dropping Brutal Legend and Ghostbusters from Activision’s release schedule: "[Those games] don't have the potential to be exploited every year on every platform with clear sequel potential and have the potential to become $100 million dollar franchises.” I realize that Activision is in the business of making money and not artifacts to inspire the human soul, but publicly stating that your publishing ethos is assembly-line-production makes it difficult to assess the creative merits of Guitar Hero: Buy This One Too, Just ‘Cause.

    No, videogames in 2008 are, like punk rock in 1974, taking a medium that’s become marked by excess and stripping it back to its most basic. Even beyond Capcom’s retro efforts and traditional two-dimensional, genre exercises (Braid, Castle Crashers) on Xbox Live, designers like DICE are trying to keep games simple and raw. Mirror’s Edge, for all of its visual polish, uses only three buttons for the bulk of its action and the game’s goals are uncomplicated (run to, run away.) Games are also trying to put the power of creation back into the audience’s hands. Halo 3’s Forge, LittleBigPlanet, and Maxis’ Spore might not be putting players into the guts of design, but they are inlets for everyone to make their own games. You don’t need to know how to play guitar to rock, and you don’t need to know C++, or draw, or write to make a game. Add these mainstream juggernauts to the booming independent dev scene, the confrontational tedium of games like No More Heroes (as Goichi Suda says, punk’s not dead,) and we may look back on the 2010s as gaming’s punk rock era. But how does punk lead to postpunk, the rebellion of aestheticism through the surreal and the futurist against the simplistic and traditional? What would that game even look like?

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  • Editors, Where Are Your Manners?

    Not long ago, I ruffled my feathers over the Internet's collective, though inevitable, lack of manners. Just yesterday, I posted some rambling thing about how the ESRB is largely irrelevant, mostly through no fault of its own. Today, I'm combining the two subjects! You lucky people!

    I'm a bit late to the fury party, but it seems that GameTrailers is upset at the ESRB because the organisation made them yank an exclusive Fallout 3 trailer. The ESRB, which does have a say in game advertisements for television, deemed the trailer too violent and ordered it taken down.



    (Of course, you can see it on YouTube thanks to special Internet magic.)

    Some people, myself included, think the ESRB has overstepped its boundaries. The trailer was meant for GameTrailers, not television. GameTrailers has every reason to be upset, and they don't even have to be wholly polite about their displeasure. But it would have been really boss if GameTrailers' editors had consulted someone aside from their thirteen-year-old nephews for their angry words.

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  • The Videogame Ages, part 2

    In part one of The Videogame Ages, I discussed the inadequacy of “generation” language in gaming, and laid out The Golden Age of gaming. In part two, I look at the Silver and Bronze ages before taking a look at the modern era and the future.

    The Silver Age – 1983 to 1996 8-Bit, 16-Bit, Early Handheld, Early 3D, Advanced PC and Arcade

    The silver age of games is defined by expansion, in not just playability but breadth of experience. When home computers became affordable and home consoles began diversifying, games started transforming from immediate, single-mechanic experiences into more lasting forms. Silver age games were still about escalating challenge, but high scores ceased being the goal, replaced by definitive endings. Games started becoming more explicitly narrative-driven, as aesthetic justification on consoles and as the focus of many PC games (see the entire adventure game genre.) Portable gaming also started to rise to prominence during this period, early single-screen LCD games replaced by multi-game consoles like the Game Boy and Atari Lynx. Arcade and PC game technology pulled far away from home consoles, but all games were shifted from the rough visual abstraction of golden age games, into more aesthetically recognizable presentations – albeit still cartoonish impressionistic rather than realistic. The rise of polygonal 3D graphics, both real-time full 3D (Yu Suzuki’s Virtua series) and pre-rendered (Myst, etc.), at the end of the silver age marks the transition to bronze. In 1996, with the release of Mario 64, Tomb Raider, and Quake, the silver age comes to a close.

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  • The Videogame Ages, part 1



    This past Friday, I tried to slip a little piece of language into a discussion about game emulation that I was wary about using at all. At this point, the go-to boundaries for discussing videogames’ admittedly small history is console-technology generations. We say 8-Bit or 16-Bit because these are easy identifiers based on competing, contemporary technologies. But the language “The 8-Bit Generation” doesn’t account for arcade technology, PC games, or portable gaming. Now that Bob Dvorak’s Tennis for Two is officially fifty years-old, I think we can finally start applying broader terms to gaming’s evolutionary eras. Obviously history is fluid, and chances are these classifications won’t hold true in 2050, but for now they work. The Hesiodic ages, as laid out here, consider games on every platform; the rigid parameters of home consoles, the advanced nature of PC and Mac gaming throughout the 1980s and ‘90s, the fast strides made by arcade technology throughout that same period, and the predominantly inferior technology available in handheld gaming. Unlike Hesiod’s Ages of Man, however, the videogame ages are (mostly) a positive progression. Please note: these are not strict definitions. This is a discussion, and I want everyone to make their opinions heard in the comments section. Now then, onward to the Golden Age.

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  • You Got Soul, But You're Not a Soulja Boy

     It's kind of embarassing to watch someone who's full of himself swagger and boast about nothing. Rapper Soulja Boy is up to the very same. He's thrown down the gauntlet to the whole damn world: he wants to dust your ass at any Xbox 360 game of your choosing. Ooh! Ooh! Let's play Eternal Sonata, rapper sir!

    Loot Ninja has kindly summed up Soulja's rant, which kind of goes on for seven game-throwing minutes (Oh God it pains me to watch people treat games like that--and I'm not exactly the patron Saint of immaculate game storage). The blog even links to Soulja's Halo 3 stats, which aren't all that hot.

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  • Master Chief Asks: Have You Seen This Girl?

    Maybe it's one of those pesky US/Canadian differences, but growing up, I didn't water my Lucky Charms with containers of milk sponsored by lost children. No one asked, "HAVE YOU SEEN ME?" in a silent scream, so I guess I missed out on one of those childhood experiences that are good for chilling your bones and not much else.

    Well, now I have an opportunity to tick off that empty square on my Childhood Checklist. Halo 3 is the new proverbial milk carton, though it's hardly the way Bungie wanted things.

    In what Gamepro describes as "an unfortunate cross-cultural coincidence," the new trailer for the upcoming Halo 3 expansion pack stands to remind some British folk about the abduction of Madeleine McCann. Madeleine made headlines worldwide when she disappeared from a Portuguese resort while on holidays with her parents. For several days in May 2007, headlines asked, "Where's Maddie?"

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  • Halo Multi-player, Spitzer Style



    Not really of course. Game Politics stumbled upon a raw nugget of news joy a few days back over at money.co.uk. The story goes that hard-partying seventh grader Ralph Hardy of Texas snagged his father’s credit card and proceeded to, as the kids say, do it up. Hardy and his pals dropped almost thirty grand and in the process got themselves an Xbox 360, as copy of Halo 3, a swank motel room, and a few top notch ladies of the night.

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  • Brainy Gamer Asks the Ever-Present Question: Can’t We All Just Get Along?

    While admitting this risks damaging my “cred”, I do not game that much online. Indeed, my experience with online multi-player is limited to only a handful of games like Mario Kart DS (which I quickly abandoned due to rather egregious cheating) and a very brief stint in World of Warcraft (once I got to more populated areas of the game, my aging G4 PowerBook just couldn’t keep up. I got lucky.) That said, like so many others, I’ve played a lot of Halo 3 online. In general, the random people I’ve played with have been alright; not offensive but not people I’ll become bosom buddies with. Playing online is like hanging out with any group of strangers: it’s civil and awkward. On heavily populated nights though, when Microsoft’s servers strain under the weight of hundreds of thousands of players, that’s when you get a taste of the horrific behavior that keep many people from playing online at all. Racist, moronic, misogynistic rambling from a multitude of pubescent men with no sense of irony, humor, or decorum. No description, no recording can do it justice, you have to experience this sort of dumb hostility yourself to truly understand it. Though you don’t have to play online to witness it at work in the community. Just look at the Kotaku comments section during last year’s Resident Evil 5 debacle.

    Angela from Lesbian Gamers and Michael from Brainy Gamer have written up an essay that succinctly states the problem and elegantly asks what’s to be done about it if discourse on games is going to grow.

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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