Someone wrote to me yesterday and said that mine is the best profile they have ever read.
Aww, thanks.
But "if I were to critique it"....
WTF???
And my profile is apparently too long.
Men have written to tell me that
"it's really funny, but a little too long"
WTF mark ll.
Did I submit the thing for a critique? You want to send it back with red pen all over it? Grade me even???
Don't write to me, dear heart, if it's too long - don't waste your precious brain cells thinking about a response.
Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am not suggesting that mine IS the best profile in the world, nor that it is without fault. But it is MY profile, created and published by me as a means to meeting a lover or a partner or even just for some light entertainment. It was not launched into the ether in an attempt to garner critique on my writing skills.
I get a bunch of emails saying "I read the whole thing"
Err, and??
Aren't you supposed to?
I read your whole thing too - in fact, I remain captivated by the dullest of them sometimes. Like WTF were you thinking??? Is this working for you? Seriously? Anyway, I digress.....
Ok mine is long as a profile goes, but it's hardly long as a piece of writing.
You don't win a special award because you made it through to the end and spent, oh...maybe 3 minutes of your time.
You concentrated for 3 whole minutes! Yay!! Maybe your mother wasn't demonstrative or something.....
Come on now, if I was trying to attract the kind of man that can't even be bothered to read what I have to say as well as look at my pictures, then I'd just use a picture of my tits. Or arse. Or maybe this one of me in a towel from my old blog..
.
And if you find my profile a challenging read, for Christ's sake, don't ever get yourself started on Ulysses!
(Oh calm down, I am not comparing my profile to the work of James Joyce. It is merely a size comparison. Geez)
I am very aware that my profile puts off more people than it attracts - given that I have been viewed in the thousands and written to in the hundreds. Presumably my face is more appealing than my brain.
Whatever. That's cool too.
Because my brain is where it's at. In my opinion anyway.
If you can't cope with my profile, or better yet my blog, then what's the point of even a first date, let alone a second?
If you can't cope with a woman with a brain and the ability to express herself - then you can sod off too.
There's all this talk from the hairier gender about their desire for an intelligent woman. "Looks are sexy, intelligence is sexier" and all that horseshit. Us chicks know that it's mostly just marketing. Yeah, portray yourself as mister new man equality, with just enough rugged masculinity to keep us wanting you. You ain't slick. You don't think we're going to notice the change a few months down the line when you're watching the game, scratching your balls and asking us to crack open another beer for you?
If you want someone to pad behind you thinking you are oh so fabulous, get a freakin dog.
p.s. If you are a genuine "looks are sexy, intelligence is sexier" new age rugged man, please write to me quick style. Thanks.
The obligatory back catalogue:
My kink is better than your kink
The good the bad and the ugly
I am a whore
First Date sex?
Small Juicy Ones
The Perfect Blowjob
What is a boyfriend
Friends with Benefits
Real Women
Another quick pull out
Lesbian Lovers Come Out
Digits
Asymmetrical Knobbage
Cunning Linguist
Cunnilingus
Fabulous at 40
Winehouse Reveals
The Chick Facial File
Mirrors
Confession plus Daily Knob!
Abusive?
Celebrity Confessions: Boy George
Dick Trilogy Part 3
MORE dicks in my inbox
Dicks in your inbox
Read my Sodding Profile!
Hooksexup Confessions: Herpes
The Queen Confesses
The Arse Man Cometh
The Ass Play Chronicles
The Sandwich Blowjob Porn Connection
Bangin Ass
Deformed Dicks
Did I really dream that?
Why I don't date Celebrities
Fashionably late or just a slacker
One wouldn't want someone so campishly rugged in real life, but he's awfully cute to look at. Orlando Bloom.
